I see. Of course when you say “clearly,” you’re talking about the mud-colored variant.
Crap! My date just pulled the “can my friend come, too?” thing. Help!
Tell her only if you are the one who makes her come. And they have to return the favor.
Hey, by SDMB relationship (A, B, C, D, X and Y) thread standards, this setup is perfectly clear. 
Got to agree with Dunawake, here. I found it pretty clear, though not very kind of the young lady, B. When she was informed by saoirse that he thought it was a date, perhaps she should have checked back with A.
Of course, doing that would have truly made the whole thing an LSAT word problem, Freudian Slit, so perhaps it’s best that A just took C along, mightily crushing B. Well, best for us, anyway. Poor B is probably now plotting his revenge, ala The Count of Monte Cristo. Or at least TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW
Wait, that just made it worse, didn’t it?
This line disturbs me.
You refuse to go out with her for drinks because you didn’t plan the meeting?
And what’s the deal with
You’re panicking because there will be a third person at dinner? I think you need to learn how to relax and go with the flow. You’re not going to be able to control all aspects of your encounters with the opposite sex. You can’t freak out and hide because something is not going to plan. You definitely can’t say no to going out for drinks, just because it her idea instead of yours.
No naked wrestling? No mud?
Baby, I’ll say anything to get a bite of that.
I think it’s kind of snotty of her to try to invite someone else to dinner. I mean, what is he supposed to say? Either he looks like an asshole if he says no about the girl coming to dinner or like a pushover if he says yes. I think she put him in a bad position, and he got out of it.
I already agreed to change my plans twice to accommodate her. I think a third would have smelled of desperation and ruined any chance I may have had.
I didn’t “panic”, really. I just got a weird, awkward feeling in my stomach at being presented with a social situation with conflicting schemas. Think of what you might feel if your dad, whom for sixty years you’ve called “Dad”, one day insisted you called him “Steve.” That shift would be strange.
Wow, have you misread me completely.
That’s the thing. She thought she was inviting someone for drinks. I would be completely fine with that. In fact, I would prefer it. There was just a miscommunication. I said “yes, bring a friend out for dinner”, she heard “yeah, we can all grab a beer later.” Two very different things, IMHO.
Don’t feel bad. I had to read this over like five times with the explanation to figure out what the heck was going on, and I’m still not sure I understand…
Okay, that makes more sense. Your OP made it sound like it was a special dinner, what with the meals your buddy put aside…I guess if she didn’t know, then that’s different. She does sound a bit flaky, but oh well.
14 k of g in a f p d?
That’s what I thought! It was only later that we figured out what happened.
Whoa. Not on the first date, buster.
Seriously! I wouldn’t know what would freak me out more, the fact that he went by Bob or that he was speaking to me from beyond the grave!
Oh, so you still want to go out with her? I was under the impression that you blew her off when she was trying to apologize and make up for the miscommunication.
You’re comparing a fundamental change in relationship with one of your parents to having a third person invited to dinner.
I can only read what you write. You wrote:
This is where the panic is coming from
I’ve got to find a way to gain control again
go after her in a setting I in no way planned? No way, Jose.
I figured this meant you were panicked, and that panic had something to do with how much control you have over the situation. Trust me, someone who isn’t concerned about being in control isn’t going to try and figure out how to regain control of a dinner date. That person isn’t even going to think about the fact that they didn’t have a hand in planning the chat over drinks. You did.
If it makes you feel any better, the one time a cozy tete-a-tete turned into “hey, my friend just randomly showed up!”, it turned out to be one of the most unenjoyable evenings ever. The friend showed up trashed and proceed to make one offensive remark after another. My “date” seemed to find this rather funny, despite the fact that I made it clear I was not amused (and trust me, it takes a LOT to offend me… I crack dead baby jokes with the best of 'em). So I walked out.
…actually, to be more correct, I excused myself to go to the bathroom after one too many lewd remarks from Buddy, then did a u-turn towards the exit instead.
…and to be even more correct, I stiffed them with my bill while I was at it.
…and if anyone cares, he was the one who asked me out. I suspect he regretted it afterwards, but figured it would be easier to inflict his friend on me rather than cancel.
(and no, no one came leaping out at me to inform me I’d been punked, though it would’ve been the crowning touch to a somewhat demeaning experience)
Who are you? James Lipton?
**jjimm ** is right. There’s too much “does not compute…must escape” mentality.
I don’t see what the big deal is. If she wants to bring a gaggle of girls, let her. Just play it cool, be charming and magnanimous like **Mongo ** said and see if you can get with one at the end of the night.
It’s an analogy, that’s how these things work. You compare two things that are similar in one way and not in another. I picked one that I knew would be familiar to you. Is it really necessary for me to cite the psychological research to back up my statement about conflicting social schemas?
A lot of dating is subtle cues. Substantially changing my night just to be with a girl sends out lots of subtle signals like that I do not want associated with me. You’re reading a lot more into this than there is. An internal locus of control is very important to a healthy psyche.
If anything, I’m guilty of poor word choice. I can’t blame you for how you read me, and I can see where you would draw the conclusion from how I phrased certain things, but you’re simply wrong. Not that what I say now matters, anyway. You’ve already created an image of me and everything I say is only going to play into that.
Hey, Cheesesteak is right… now that I read back over it, it’s clear that ForumBot’s real beef is that his cunning plan was thwarted after he’d invested in duct tape, chloroform, and a rented van.
With Cheesesteak - Amateur Psychologist, a cigar is NEVER just a cigar.
The fact that you mentioned control multiple times suggested to me that you would not feel comfortable with her unless you had control of the meeting. It wasn’t so much choice of word, but choice of topic. I found it interesting that one of the reasons you listed for not going for drinks was that you didn’t have a hand in choosing the setting. That’s not the sort of detail that I would peg as being a problem.