Cruise and Holmes engaged (to be married,obviously!)

According to BBC news, Hollywood star Tom Cruise has become engaged to his girlfriend Katie Holmes at the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

In further news, dozens of horrified observers leap to their deaths.

I’ll be generous and give 'em 120 days.
Any takers?

If we ignore them, maybe they’ll go away.

I actually find it a bit creepy. There seems to be this weird edge of desperation to it all, and she seems totally caught up in this “oooo… a big star thinks I’m hot and luvs me and all that kind of cool stuff and he’s got his own plane and everything and it will be real cool!!” type thing. Plus she doesn’t seem to have the presence of mind and strength of will to keep her head when he starts discussing the Scientology crap. “Oh Tom loves me! I have to do whatever he wants to keep him happy!”

I feel sorry for his kids - I’d find this embarrassing. At least they have a mother with a little self dignity. Their father seems to have fallen into the Pits of Weirdo.

Also, what is this thing Cruise has for Catholic girls - does he enjoy the challenge? It never seems to work out that well for him.

Holmes is no longer Catholic.

Too bad for her.
I’ll take the pedophile priests over the Scios any day of the week.

The radio report this morning quotes her as saying she’s wanted to marry Tom Cruise “ever since she was a little girl.”

:eek:

Yeah. I think she was 4 years old when “Risky Business” premiered. :eek:

On CNN Headline News this morning, they showed this cutesy photo of a kitten rubbing against an old goat. Then they announced the Tom/Katie engagement.

Absolutely brilliant.

Mmmmmm. . . kittens . . .

She is like playdoh, very moldable.

I give them 5 years and no kids.

I think it’s time to consider the possibility that Tom Cruise has finally punched his crazy ticket.

If these two actually get married, I will have a cake made in the shape of a hat and eat it. This is all a stunt, probably to prove that Tom’s the most virile, manly man on the planet.

I hope she never suffers from post-partum (or any other type of) depression.

Okay, on the bizarre-o-meter, does this outdo Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley (also a Scientologist, probably not coincidentally)?

Just imagine if the Michael/Lisa thing worked out. If you think Jacko is fucked up now, wait until he’s had a few hundred hours of auditing. :eek: I don’t even want to think about the things he’d have in his preclear folder…

If they were engaged to be fired out of a cannon into space, I’d be much happier for them.

Yeah. A rushed engagement increases the creepy/weird factor in ANY relationship, and it sure does that here. Could they have kept it under wraps for ten minutes? Did they think we didn’t believe they were “in love?” Did they think anybody hadn’t heard about this yet? Fer chrissakes, if I was nailing Katie Holmes I wouldn’t make this big a deal out of it.

Me too, but then I already did. :wink:

First of all, you’re assuming that Tom Cruise is nailing Katie Holmes. Let’s make it perfectly clear that this fact is still… ahemdisputed in some circles.

Now, if I were nailing Katie Holmes, I would be the coolest guy on the planet about it. “Want a picture of me and Katie? Okay, that’s cool. What? You don’t care? Okay, that’s cool too. Katie, let’s get out of here.”

I would not jump on furniture, I would not propose to her somewhere as tacky as the goddamned Eiffel Tower, and I definitely would not confide any of my feelings, or pretend to confide feelings which I may or may not have, in front of Oprah and a studio audience. I would not try to cure Katie of her thetans. I would not steer her away from the path of Xenu. She’s pretty hot, and in this scenario she thinks I’m pretty hot, too, and we are boinking on a semi-regular basis. Taking away Xenu or the thetans might upset the delicate balance and reduce the net amount of nookie, and I am too cool (see above) to let this happen.

I feel sorry for Katie, for thinking that this is the “star” she’s hitching her wagon to, in the same way you would feel bad for someone who discovered AOL last week and confides in you that “this internet thing will be a great investment once it takes off.” She has missed the boat and now she must learn to swim.

Maybe all this nonsense will send him to that Magical Land where Ben Affleck has disappeared.

I think it only further illustrates my point. Tom Cruise has been dating her for about two months. Between rumors of her chastity and his sexuality and so on, they may not even be fooling around. Just dating, for two months. And they’ve embarrassed themselves in this public manner. Even if… actually can we change that to a ‘when?’ Yeah. When Katie Holmes and I are an item, when we’re having sex regularly, I will not make a fool of myself in public by jumping around on couches and yelling about it.

Maybe I should change that ‘when’ back to an ‘if.’ At this point, I’ve got questions about Katie’s intelligence (to wit, “does she have any measurable amount thereof?”) that would keep me from dating her.