I would tell him (as I already do) that all religions are different paths to the same place. I would tell him that it is wrong of Christians to say that theirs is the ONLY way. I want him to grow up with an open mind toward religion, not a closed one. I also was raised by my mother and I know what her view is about religion, and it is a frightening thing that I don’t want my son exposed to from her, especially not at this age.
Such a fuss over so little. My parents are atheists. But my grandparents are all religious. Furthermore (and here’s something for you Americans to think about), my primary and secondary schools were, like all state schools, religious. We had to sing hymns every morning, pray and listen to bible readings and sermons in school assemblies. Heavens!
And yet I didn’t grow up particularly confused about religion.
Why? Well firstly my parents had far more access to me than everybody else put together, especially in my formative early years. And they taught me to think and reason which is the second reason I wasn’t indoctrinated - I didn’t take things at face value just because someone told me it was so.
But there was a little confusion there at age 5, or 8. I didn’t buy the whole Jesus thing, but I thought that there was a heaven. I believed that there was some greater thing out there. But amazingly being forced to confront religion and deal with my existance didn’t make me a Christian, it made me a thoughtful atheist who knows a fair bit about the Christianity that I reject.
Opal - I think you have a lot of fear about not very much. My intensely catholic grandmother was always introducing me to nuns, taking me to church, talking as if Jesus as God was certainty and not allowing any talk that went contrary to that. But you know what? When I got home, I talked with my parents about such things and since I trusted and respected them so much more than anybody else, I listened to what they had to say. And then I made up my own mind, as we all must.
Frankly I’m in 100% agreement with Manda JO. We have here an old woman firmly set in her beliefs. Part of those beliefs is the belief that you must talk about your religion. To insist on denying her this is to extraordinarily miss the point of her beliefs - it speaks of incredible lack of understanding. So you must make a choice - let your son be exposed to that which he will be exposed to for the rest of his life anyway, or do not.
Personally I say that you should have enough confidence in your abilities as a parent not to worry if he temporarily picks up some funny ideas from Grammy. Unless you’re also worried that he’ll never shake off those pesky beliefs in Santa Claus or the tooth fairy either.
pan
Don’t you mean indoctrinate, OpalCat?
The way you’ve got it spelled, it seems like your Mother is trying to tamper with your son’s endocrine system., possibly in an attempt at Hormonal Mind Control.
*Originally posted by kabbes *
Such a fuss over so little.
Well my mother’s lack of respect for me as a parent isn’t “so little” to me.
**We have here an old woman firmly set in her beliefs. **
Hey now, that’s a bit harsh. My mom is only 49.
It was late.
That wasn’t the “little” I was referring to. I was talking about the fact that a couple of weeks of attempted indoctrination every few years when you go on holiday is really meaningless in the greater scheme of influences on your son. After all, you didn’t end up a rabid fundamentalist and you presumably had to spend your whole childhood with her.
The fuss that this thread has engendered, with phrases like “As said agent, she is obliged to perform that task to the specifications established by the parent.”, “Dare I ask: did Granny take the tyke to church? If so, I’d seriously consider fisticuffs” and “If Opal was JEWISH, she wouldnt have as much trouble getting people to respect her faith. Sad isnt it? Its really a form of prejudice.” are way out of proportion for what is, at the end of the day, a grandmother being herself with her grandchild.
I’m also concerned about the way you phrased your response: you don’t have to take your mother’s unwillingness to cooperate on this as being a lack of respect for you as a parent, you know. Sometimes personal beliefs and the wishes of those you respect may jibe. At this point, difficult decisions must be made by both parties. You are assuming that your mother doesn’t care about your wishes at all, but maybe the issue causes her sleepless nights also. Try to see it from her point of view - she may simply see your request as impossible.
pan
Oh yeah? Well…
I’m still gonna tell her you called her an old woman. So there. She’s a bigshot lawyer, she’ll probably eat you alive. So there. Nyah nyah nyah.
(actually my mom still hasn’t even gotten a gray hair… she doesn’t look as old as 49)
With all due respect Opal, the more you say things like this :
**and this:
the more it makes me think ‘gee, if you felt so strongly about it why in the world did you leave him there in the first place?’
You’ve stated you had a chance to go to Europe, it was too expensive to take him with, you felt that a day camp wasn’t appropriate. But you see, you also said ‘I know what her view is about religion and it is a frightening thing that I don’t want my son exposed to from her’. (bolding added) See, it begs the question - if you had such strong feelings on this subject, why would you have even considered leaving him there, even if you’d had a ‘talk’ with your mom. Especially given how strong your feelings are on the subject.
Just to take Opal’s hijack-bait for a moment…
my mum is 44. My dad is 45. They are both extremely fit and rather good looking (so heaven only knows what happened to me). However my dad is good looking in that distinguished 40ish way, whereas my mum is good looking in a very young looks-like-she’s-in-her-20s-or-30s kind of way. They go dancing a lot (British team Ceroc champions, hurrah!) and sometimes I go along. My mother takes great delight in introducing me to her friends as her son. This always causes a double take. People then frequently accuse me of only being my dad’s son, with my mum as his second (or higher) wife. Since she is only actually a year younger than him, this amuses her no end and allows her many jokes at his expense.
Sorry 'bout that. Just felt that I had to share.
pan
God I am going to regret this, but I have to agree with Kabbes. :eek:
She will always see herself as your mother. Admiral to your captain. I think you might have more luck trying to work for some middle ground a compromise.
… because as I said, she hadn’t been doing it in a very long time and there is a hell of a lot more to their relationship that is GOOD. I really didn’t think this would be an issue.
I’m going to have to go along with this too. Some parents simply never come to accept their children as adults even if it’s obvious to others that they are. OpalCat’s Mom sounds like one. She may also be thinking, “I lost my daughter to the pagans; I’ll be damned if I lose my grandson to them, too.” And she may mean it literally if she ever says, “I’ll be damned.”)
I wish there was an easy solution for you, but it doesn’t look like there is one. (I wonder what Ann Landers or Dear Abby would recommend…? I’m serious.)