My ex is an atheist because of the spirited conversations we had… She didn’t loose anyone in an untimely death though.
Is that a point of pride for you?
Not anymore.
Everyone here is right…
I was looking at things the wrong way. I deserve the pile-on. It WAS NOT that I wanted to rub it in her face that she may not be seeing her sister again, though.
She seems like someone who wouldn’t believe if it wasn’t for wanting to see her sister again. I should not want to take that hope away from her. She’s seen my facebook wall that has; “Religion is like history class without the facts” on it, and hasn’t said a word about it. I should be lucky she still wants to date despite seeing that. She excepts it, I should except her.
I just wanted to “fight ignorance”. But I’m the ignorant one. I TRULEY feel bad about her sister. I wish that I am wrong and she does see her again.
I’m also sorry to you Dopers. And thank you for being straight with me.
If you are smart you will not say a thing. You have no right to push her on this issue and it is none of your business.
I’m worried people will just be responding to my OP without reading the guts of this thread.
I wish I never wrote/ thought that.
Is it too late to suggest giving her a Chick tract and saying that her sister is probably burning in Hell and therefore she should be glad she’ll never see her again?
It is?
Damn.
<slinks off with bag of Chick tracts>
Seriously, MyFootZZZ, just be loving and supportive so that when she’s ready to come around, if ever, you’ll be the one she turns to. Patience can pay off.
I nearly did. And it was not nice. Glad you have reconsidered.
Thank you. I reconsidered a lot actually.
I just read your other thread about your job/being on disability. No offense, but it does seem weird that you have all these issues and yet your first thought was to argue with this woman about her faith? I know you’ve since realized you were in the wrong, but that just seems very odd. I think you also need to look at this from the other person’s POV. If the woman is as beautiful and smart as you describe her, what is she getting out of a date with you?
I don’t know. No offense taken. I really am a good man, (I really am at the heart of it). She doesn’t have a job, she doesn’t seem to mind.
MyFootsZZZ: I had two thoughts while I read this thread. First, I share with you a parable.
Once upon a time, in a land far away (I start all my parables this way), I was dating this boy. We lived (not together) in a very conservative, Southern, mostly Christian state that is infested with True Blue Believers™. At the end of the first date, he asked me if I went to church. I told him that I’m a confirmed atheist. I am not making this up, he said this to me: “Doesn’t it bother you that you’re going to burn in hell for eternity?”
And I said, “No. Am I expected to put out now? Isn’t your religion against premarital sex?” :dubious:
As you’ve conceded already, it’s clear you’ve realized you’d be basically doing the same thing. If she wants to believe, she’ll believe and what she believes isn’t really any of your business (to a certain point). Should she attempt to try to convince you that you are wrong in your beliefs, I’m sure you can understand how that would make you feel.
Which brings my to my second point, which is, I’m sure you are ready to date. You may wish to do some reading and figure out how to practice empathy and compassion. And by that, I mean, before you blurt something out, take a moment to consider what you are saying and to whom and try to figure out how your words and actions might effect someone else.
Example: You’re having dinner and you’re well into your second drink. Without thinking “Gee, my date is a believer and she might be hurt or take offense at this,” you plow onward and blurt out “I think all Christians who believe in an afterlife are fucking stupid.” You have forgotten to first consider that what you are doing is calling your date fucking stupid. And she might not take kindly to that, much as I didn’t take kindly to my date informing me of my eternal damnation in hellfire and brimstone. But at least I’ll get to find out exactly what “gnashing of teeth” means when I go to hell, right? 
Empathy. My BF is a good guy too, but once in a while he says something supremely insensitive. After I call him on it, he gets all defensive, “Damn, why do girls get pissed off when I’m honest with them?” Because being honest doesn’t give you a pass to avoid hurting other people’s feelings! When you hurt someone, you hurt someone, even if you were being honest. You’re still responsible for hurting someone with your honest words. Think about practicing empathy, with her or with any other date. Before you speak, put yourself in her position and ask yourself, “How would I feel if someone said this to me?”
Since your main problem seems to be saying things without thinking first you can change how you think about things so when your thoughts fall out of your mouth they’re more acceptable.
You can try to develop a compassion and understanding towards others instead of an attitude of someone who thinks they know everything and that’s all they care about. People can believe whatever they want, it’s not your job to change that. Not everyone likes to constantly debate every comment they make either so listen to people when they talk to you instead of formulating replies in your head so you’ll impress them.
Some people gain strength for living from religion. They may or may not believe any of it but it doesn’t matter because it helps them. Consider it to be their form of meditation. Why should you care what tools other people use to get through the difficult times in their life? Why do you think your way is correct? Figure all this out and accept other people and you won’t have rude thoughts escaping from your lips when you’re not careful.
If she asks you how you feel about the afterlife just say “I can’t find it in myself to believe but it would sure be nice if there was one”. You’re staying true to what you believe and not ridiculing what she believes. Until you die you won’t know the truth either so your’s is just a belief also.
One of my friends regularly posts extreme right wing stuff on FB. I let it go because I like him otherwise and don’t want to start a never ending debate.
Woo Hoo! I look forward to frolicking amidst the stones and reading aloud from The Melancholy Death Of Oyster Boy
Do people here think it’s too extreme to post stuff like; “Religion is like history class without the facts”?
I also have “An intelligent person does not need the promise of heaven to see the merit of good deeds” which got a lot more “likes” than the history class thing.
My opinion is that you should post whatever the hell you want on your own FB page, but be prepared for backlash should you decide to post something particularly heinous to the teeming millions. Example: I think I will go out today and mash in the soft spots on little babies’ skulls. Sounds like fun! LOLZ.
There would probably be some repercussions from that.
So referring to my earlier post, if you were religious and you saw on your friend’s FB page such a post (quoted above), would you think that’s too extreme? What are you doing friending a bunch of hypersensitive fundies on FB anyway? :dubious: (kidding)
I think if that’s your opinion, it’s not too extreme for me, but I happen to agree with you and kind of like your quote. I don’t post things like that because I don’t care about my Christian friends’ religious posts, so I try to show them more respect than they show me by not posting political or religious items. (Not to avoid offending but out of consideration: your religion is none of my business and my lack thereof is none of yours. So I’ll keep mine out of your face if you keep yours out of mine. Sadly, I generally get stiffed on the last part of that deal.) My religion box on FB is a Dali Lama quote “My religion is kindness.” Should be enough said.
Yeah I know a lot of people who post religious stuff that I leave alone… My way of dealing with it is by posting things of my own, on my own page.
This.
My husband and I disagree on religion and politics. One of the reasons I married him was that (in contrast to my ex-boyfriends) he has never, ever tried to tell me I am wrong or that I should convert to his way of thinking about it, even though I know he feels pretty strongly about his points of view.
In contrast, he goes out of his way to look at things from my point of view. Yeah, he thinks my religion is a big ball of wackiness (although if pressed, he’d probably say something more like “I’m just not comfortable with a lot of its doctrines,” because he’s tactful that way), but he understands that I get things out of it and that it fills an important need in my life, and he even supports me (babysitting when I have church events, making brownies when I’m trying to help someone out from church) because he understands that it’s important to me.
This doesn’t mean I don’t know what his opinion is. I know perfectly well (see: big ball of wackiness). But why belabor it? And indeed, over the years I’ve come much closer to his way of looking at things, not because he hit me over the head with it but because he didn’t.
Yeah, good advice Dogzilla.