A sous chef and some sage.
Some rotisserie chicken and a lazy Susan.
A cup of coffee and today’s copy of The Washington Post.
A second cup of coffee and first dibs at the crossword.
A third cup of coffee and a Saturday NYT crossword.
A 
down below and an eager cleaver
An exceptionally kind and understanding lesbian as a new friend, and some gardening tools.
A packet of seeds and a pair of work gloves.
A snail and a pail.
A filled prescription and a drive home.
Night-vision goggles and a loaded sidearm.
googly eyes and a comfy armchair
A bag of weed and a bulletproof vest.
A vest of weed and a bulletproof bag.
A note to the teller and all the cash in the drawer.
Pantyhose over your head and a belching gremlin.
An old jug and a lecture on table manners from Meryl Streep
A pitcher of syrup and a whole lotta cat fur
A recording by Florence Foster Jenkins and an ice pick in your ears.
An involuntary guffaw and a tissue with which to wipe your monitor