Dating me is fun. You get vetted by my cat and the Brian Setzer Orchestra
a hemorrhoid and a pocket dictionary so you always know how to spell it.
A laundry hamper and an obese suitor.
A pair of moth wings and a stiff drink.
An open jar of chutney with a suspect film on top and a brand-new dishwasher
A cat that’s been sleeping all day and some leftover shrimp soup.
A cure for baldness and a pair of too-tight blue jeans
A piece of birthday cake and a pointy little party hat.
Peas and nostalgia.
An 11-month-old piece of birthday cake and a dunce cap.
A salad fork and a nosy grandmother named Weezie.
A spork and a grandmother who committed identity theft concerning one of her step-daughters.
A bucket of fried chicken and an international art thief
Chicken bones and a witch doctor
A dead parrot and a futile trip by British Rail
A dead parent and a fatal trip down the basement steps.
A mordant sense of humor and a scarf knitted just for you by Paul Reubens
A Venus fly trap and a bobble head of Pat Nixon.
A club meeting and a call to action.
Lint and more lint.