Dating me is fun. You get a _____ and a _____.

A boatful of Spaniards and a stack of seized magazines.

A tour of the armory and tapas at my place.

A guava martini and a genuine Bakelite swizzle stick.

A set of Calphalon cookware and a bottle of rose hip caplets.

An abject, drunken confession and some feline flea medicine

An '80s video game and a 2016 trio for piano, oboe and bassoon.

A sprightly jig by the side of a canal lock and your choice of two fish with which to be hit in the face.

A Monty Python episode and another Monty Python episode.

An argument clinic and a sleeping parrot

A jar of pickled vidalias and a sleeping cat.

A generator in a power outage and an empty gas can

pink slime and a stamp collection

A cat emoji and a long shower.

A HMG instructional film and a series of comedic explosions.

Grated cheese and a wolf.

A haircut and two bits

an ear infection and antibiotics

A female impersonator and an enormous hedgehog.

A half-eaten egg roll and some cat toys on the floor.

A snazzy cardinal’s uniform and a comfy chair.