Dating me is fun. You get a _____ and a _____.

A hernia and some paint chips

An all-day thunderstorm and an owners’ manual.

a MAGA hat and a book of matches

A waggled wig and some exciting underwear.

questionable leftovers and a very amateurish painting

Some half-finished artwork and a half-watched opera.

a paintbrush and a lorgnette

Some fresh Eccles cakes and an airline ticket agent.

A mysterious moving van and some old photos of my uncles’ bakery.

An almost-full tube of Tinactin and a yellow porcelain bowl

Almost 8" of rain yesterday and flooding today.

A bicycle with training wheels and a plateful of cookies

A backyard swamp and some music from 1739.

A Mexican rhythm combo and a midnight visit from Algy.

A book of love poems and a dog with a drooling disorder

A long, long nap and two rolls of pennies.

A fish license and a surprise visit from the Lord Mayor.

a nap and a bag of pretzels

An iPhone that needs recharging and a bottle of low-dose aspirin.

shoe polish and a kazoo