Dating me is fun. You get a _____ and a _____.

Gefilte fish and horseradish.

A web site and an email account that still works. (evil eye to Outlook)

A doctor’s appointment and a $30 copay.

Two years for breaking and entering, and a crate of search warrants.

A bushel and a peck.

A night of crazy love and a Rx for penicillin.

A bad Gregory Peck impression and a needless reboot.

A picnic in the park and ants in your food.

Ants in your pants and a need to dance.

A bad haircut and a toupee.

A novel and a short story.

An opera and a patter song.

A biscuit and the best sausage gravy you ever ate.

Milk and Cereal

A ‘What’s all this then?’ T-shirt and a weekend for two with a skinhead of your own choice.

A whip and a doggy collar.

A dead parrot and some runny cheese.

Cold-ass feet and a parking pass.

Warm socks and a come hither look

Support stockings and a go away look.