Dating me is fun. You get a _____ and a _____.

An old boot and a “Keep off the grass” sign.

Thigh highs and an in your face look

A tattered Hillary yard sign and a voter registration form.

A MAGA hat and a bad taste in your mouth

A music stand and some scores for strings.

A time machine and a ticket to the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair.

A submarine and a visit to the Titanic.

A flyover the Bermuda triangle and a Dear John letter

Yo had me with the come hither look. And the thigh highs

A padded jockstrap and a pair of Speedos.

A rhyme and a reason.

A Salt-N-a Peppa.

A mini fridge and a case of Dr. Pepper

A case of root beer and a gallon of vanilla ice cream.

A bagel and a schmear.

A Haggard song and a longneck Bud

A pack of candy cigarettes and a bubblegum cigar.

A deerstalker hat and a magnifying glass.

A floor wax and a dessert topping.

A slightly deaf older news panelist and Richard Feder’s favorite frizzy haired news panelist.

Gilda Radner reference, if you didn’t know.