Another conversation with K. And a very interesting statement, at least I think so.
We were chatting today online (and flirting like mad) and K said she had been talking to her sister about me. I said ‘Anything interesting?’ and she replied with ‘I think we met for a reason. I don’t go for all that metaphysical spiritual nonsense normally but I think you have something I need to know*.’
Now, I am not into metaphysical spiritual nonsense myself. She hasn’t shown any signs of being into stuff I consider spiritual nonesense so this statement kind of puzzzles me. It seems to be a good thing.
We talked about her our next date (though K still doesn’t seem to like the word date), which is apparently going to be dinner over at my sisters as my sister invited us over. That should be interesting. My sister is a good gal but can be a bit hyper happy at times. We’ll see what happens. Also, had I not had to work a late shift this evening, I would have gone over to her place. She invited me but I got off too late.
We also talked about going shopping, some jeans for me (I lost a ton of weight and none of my jeans fit very well now) and some lingerie for her. I am rather happy about the lingerie because she’ll have to model it for me.
Another hopeful sign is that she is calling and Im’ing me quite often for no other reason than to talk.
About D. I have not heard from her and I didn’t expect too. Somehow I think that I won’t. I don’t imagine that the situation is one that would lead to romance (Being the guy she met just when her Mom died might not be the corelation in the world). I hope she is doing alright.
Slee
*If any of the womenfolk, or men for that matter, can interpret this statement I’d love to hear it.
Not that I want to rain on your parade, but consider the possibility that K is still not interested in building a long lasting, serious relationship. You mentioned she was more for a fuck-buddy kind of thing, and now she got it, in a way, while still being reluctant to call your meetings ‘dates’.
Not that I am accusing her of any kind of bad intention; some people are like that, they appreciate the attention and so are very happy to have someone lavish it on them, but are afraid to really, really commit - not because of any kind of malicious feeling, but just because they’re not the kind of people that jump in a story with both feet (if you know what I mean).
A friend of mine had a similar thing happen to him, with a girl that really, really liked his gallant attentions (and he is a passionate Sothern Italian and a gentleman at the same time, so just imagine!), but never really fell in love with him. Affection, yes; attraction, tons; companionship and support, rivers; but no commitment. In Luigi’s case the unwillingness of his girl to commit expressed itself through repeated cases of running off in the arms of her previous boyfriend, followed by theatrical reconciliations. She was not a floozy or anything bad, but her feelings really wavered because, although she cared for both men, she loved neither and so she suffered a lot out of guilt.
Now I realize that every person is different and I don’t think things will go exactly that way. I am telling this story just to provide a cautionary tale about people that can’t commit.
If you’re curious about how Luigi’s story ended up, after five years and quite a few slips of the kind I described, Luigi decided to cut all relationships after the N-th case of running away in the arms of the other guy (with not a little help and support from me, let me say that ), and realized that a girl friend of his was not just a friend. To cut a long story short they’re going to get married this summer. Good on you, mate!
You are not me, of course, sleestak, and if it’s working for you, I wish you nothing but happiness, but I’ve done the trying to have a relationship where I was way more interested and committed than the other party thing, and I won’t waste my time on that again. I am a person who wants to have a strong, committed relationship with one person I love who loves me, and if I can’t get that, I am not interested in settling for less.
If it will just take a little time for K to commit to you, then certainly give her the time and space. I think the important thing is for the relationship to keep progressing forward. If at some point you get stuck in a place that isn’t good enough for you, don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and need and be prepared to find it from someone else if K can’t or won’t give it to you. Don’t settle - it seems easy at the time, but in the long run it’s the hard way to do things, because you’ll just end up re-doing all your efforts with someone knew and feeling like you wasted all that time.
Okay, enough warnings about the future - have fun with your new thing!
I do realize that K may not be looking at this as a long term relationship. I am fully aware of that and working on the assumption that it is just fun right now. The progression has been like this: date a couple times->just want to be friends->want to be fuck buddies->large amounts of contact (10 emails from her today while I was at work. Short emails, just talking about random stuff and plans for the week) and calls->making plans for trips/concerts quite aways out and making plans to see each other a lot more often (note, she is instigating as many of these plans as I am, we are going to go see Blue Man Group. Her idea and she scored the tickets) She also suggested that she spend the night at my place this week while her daugther is with her ex.
Right now I am cool with the way things are going. We get along wonderfully and I enjoy being with her (the sex is damned good as well :))
So I am just being mellow about it and being myself. If things stay the way they are I am cool with that. If things get heavier I would be cool with that as well. If she decides that we need to go back to just friends, it’ll hurt but I can deal with that (though I would seriously miss the sex. I really like touching this woman).
