Where was the kid if he wasn’t with you? Doesn’t he sleep in your bed? When you said ‘there’s an ultrasound photo next to my bed’ people took it to mean that you were keeping an ultrasound photo next to your bed. Are you saying that you just looked at the photo briefly while sitting on the bed during the day, when your son wasn’t there? Because that’s not what most people would understand ‘a photo next to my bed’ to mean.
Oh come on, you said:
And from that we were supposed to understand that you really meant ‘I always make sure my son has a healthy balanced lunch every day because I’m a great mom!’. Please.
ETA: Okay, I got ninja’d while writing that. You didn’t say he only got cereal. But, praytell, where the hell did the banana come from if you couldn’t handle the store? Do you have magical bananas in your parts that last two weeks? Because I could use some of those.