Debt to Drug Dealer

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hi all, I’ve been lurking on these boards for a while but haven’t really had anything interesting to say so haven’t made any posts yet, I think that has very recently changed, I’m in a bit of a headscratcher of a situation and would appreciate thoughts, advice etc…

So for background; My wife & I got married about 3 years ago and had our first child 19 months ago. Before she got pregnant, Mrs Delicious was a recreational cocaine user (naughty, I know), she gave up while pregnant and I assumed she had remained off the drug since.

About 6 months ago, she asked for £200, we’re not very well off…I work full time+ for a fairly shoddy wage and she’s currently (& for the foreseeable future) a housewife so we share my wage & she gets child benefits of some kind (I don’t know what they’re currently called). I asked what the money was for and she admitted that she’d been secretly continuing to use coke and had racked up a debt with the dealer. We had a bit of an angry shout about it, I shuffled some money around to pay the guy off and Mrs Delicious promised to go to Narcotics Anonymous and delete the dealer’s number from her phone…I thought it was all sorted.

Obviously not, or I wouldn’t be asking for advice…a few days ago as I was leaving for work, Mrs Delicious tells me she’s £600 in debt to the dealer, she’d already done the rounds borrowing money from her friends and they’ve cut her off.

It was a bit much to deal with at that point (I’m not a morning person) so I said we’d discuss it after work. By midday, she’d decided it would be best if she & Baby Delicious went to stay with her sister for a couple of weeks so she can detox & not be able to act on any cravings (her sister’s a few hundred miles away) and possibly to keep Baby Delicious away from any fallout (this wasn’t explicit but might be the case).

So to the current situation…there’s a drug dealer who knows where we live and is owed a quite a lot of money (a lot to me at least).

Mrs Delicious’ friends have suggested just calling the police…I have doubts as to how much use they would be, presumably this dealer is someone else’s lackey so even if he somehow did get arrested and jailed forever, another guy is likely to turn up looking for the money & revenge for getting his buddy arrested.

We’re pretty much tapped for money as it stands and don’t really have anything of value to sell (I have a violin that would cover it if sold but I’d rather stab the guy and try to make a self defence claim than sell my violin) might be able to get a payday loan but that seems to be just asking for spiralling debt.

So, any thoughts? Are there better ways to quickly borrow money? Would a cash advance on a credit card be cheaper than a payday loan? Could the police actually be useful? Are there simple (& cheap) ways to dispose of drug dealers’ bodies?

Thanks.

2

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Go, no, run to the police, explain everything to them, and do exactly what they say.

And then think VERY hard if you really want to keep your wife in your life, make a preliminary decision as to whether it would be better divorcing her (I would say that a judge would consider the mother being a drug addict a very good reason to grant a divorce and give you custody of the baby), and then have a VERY serious talk with your wife.

Depending on the result of that serious talk, you then decide whether you divorce her or give her a FINAL chance. And I mean FINAL. She is to stop drug use completely and forever, cut ties with the people from that world, get clean and put her life in order.

She would have ONE chance to get her act together. If she relapses, off to the divorce court you go. You don’t need that kind of shit in your life, and much more importantly, YOUR BABY definitely doesn’t need it!!

You have to get very serious here.

Good luck. You’ll need it.

3

Nailed it in one.

This is your “come to Jesus” moment. Right now, first and foremost, is the safety of your child. If she’s running around behind your back using, she’s putting that child in danger (assuming she’s doing things like driving). JoseB is spot on: get a lawyer, see what’s needed to gain custody of your child in a divorce, and go from there.

The debt to her dealer is her problem, not yours. Unfortunately, it may very likely affect the baby. Don’t let it get any worse than it already has.

4

I love the British. Your wife is a serious drug addict and owes money to a dealer who knows where you live, and you call it a “bit of a headscratcher”.

Sounds to me like you already gave her the one chance she was deserved, in paragraph 3. Get your kid out of there, man; not your monkey, not your circus.

5

You could try striking a deal with the dealer, to pay it off over time. Ultimately he just wants to know he’s gonna get his money. Set up payments you CAN make and never miss a one. On the sole condition he extends no more credit to your wife, you WILL NOT pay another drug debt.

Just a suggestion. Good Luck!

6

If not already happening it is not uncommon for girls to bang their dealers or other guys willing to share drugs. Being married doesn’t seem to make much difference. You can be a husband or you can finance a druggy for some odd sex here and there. Take your pick.

7

Baby Delicious is safe atm, he’s off at his Aunt’s, also I’m sure Mrs Delicious wouldn’t ever do anything to harm him.

Divorce isn’t an option I’m afraid, I’m pretty sure the marriage vows have this situation covered under ‘better or worse’, there’s also the whole love thing & her being the mother of my child.

I’ve never had particularly satisfying interactions with the police, they’ll turn up an hour or so after someone’s been attacked, write a report then leave. We live in a council estate (government supplied housing…I actually own my house though) so the police are round here every day or so, the people beating their wives and children or the known junkies are always back in a couple of days.

My concerns about going to the police are:

  1. They’ll just fill in some paperwork
  2. It’ll get Mrs Delicious in trouble
  3. As I said in OP, I have no idea what the extent of this drug dealing operation is, if I bring the police down on them, it could invite retribution.

@elbows: I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before, must be a bit scatterbrained today, thanks.

8

I’ve never heard of a dealer who gave credit.

9

Not to mention, he spills this very serious situation and doesn’t ask for relationship advice, doesn’t ask for advice on how to protect his child (from her if nothing else) instead asking for advice on how best to get more money. The mind boggles.

This Delicious situation is sure to leave a bad taste in the OPs mouth.

10

Are you stupid or just unbelievably fucking naïve?

You suggest that he go to the police with, “Hi, I’m Joe Blow and my wife is a cokehead. She racked up a debt that we can’t afford so would you please be so kind as to arrest the person to whom she owes. Thanks much.”

The cops either already know about the guy and are watching him and, when he gets busted, you have introduced your names into the proceedings (subject to subpoena so forget anonymity.) Way to go, you have just identified yourself as a rat to the people that will get burned by his arrest.

Or, the cops don’t know about him and you are now their prime source of info. With nothing else to go on - other than “we can’t afford our drug debt so please arrest him so it will go away” - so they will either try to recruit you (or your wife) as an informant or politely laugh as they show you the door.

Good advice man, cherry.

O.P. Pay the fucking money. Find it.

You cannot successfully go to the police in order to clear a drug debt.

Then you either dump her - now - and take the kid or accept life with an addict. And she IS an addict, her behaviour proves it.

NA and it’s like fail >90% of the time. Rehabs will tell you that most people do 3 or 4 tries (at rehab) before it takes - if it ever does.

Get used to this or split and take the kid.

I say this as an addict that has gone through a half-dozen rehabs and has an intimate knowledge of how addicts behave.

If she is worth the effort and, inevitable, pain then stay with her (your kid can’t make that decision, so you need to.)

If she isn’t then split.

But for the love of Christ don’t go to the police complaining about the effects of illegal activity. They can’t/won’t help you.

Until the people you fuck over by ratting them out even the score.

The cops are great at busting people AFTER the people have fucked you up.

It’s an expensive lesson - but how many people have spent more than that to get a degree that let’s them work at Mc-fucking-Donalds?

Pay the money and learn the lesson (the second time around.)

11

The problem are: 1. Why would the dealer keep this bargain? Why wouldn’t the cycle continue? 2. He could well charge a truly exorbitant amount of interest.

12

I have. It’s a bit like giving someone a high interest mortgage. You know they will pay it, since they don’t want to be homeless.

13

That surprised me as well, I guess it’s a difference between street dealing and guys you call to deliver it to your house.

I admit it looks bad but I have complete confidence that my son is safe with Mrs Delicious. This is the only issue with our relationship & it’s an addiction…obviously she was stupid to let it get to that point and we have to sort out a better solution than sending her off to her sister’s place but that’s not the most urgent issue at the moment, I’m pretty sure there are programs available through the NHS and we’ll look into those once the immediate situation is dealt with.

14

That’s pretty much what I thought.

Do you know why Rehab doesn’t work most of the time?

Also a good point…you see why it’s a conundrum.

15

You obviously don’t buy drugs often .

Around here it is called a front, “Can you front me a 1/3”

Or it is on the cuff, “Can I get a 1/3 on the cuff”

I don’t know slang outside of my general area.

It is based on the idea that if you are willing to go into debt for it (and they know you enough to believe that you’ll be good for it) then you’ll cover it and come back for more.

Or, if the debtee is of a gender that the dealer prefers, you’ll cover the debt in less vertical ways.

16

I wonder what it will take to make you see how serious this is. THAT’S the headscratcher here.

You need to take the baby and divorce her so SHE will see how serious you are. If you are serious. She needs some motivation to get clean. Right now, she has none. You are making it possible, no, easy, for her to keep using. Addicts are liars, so when she promises to stay clean, she is lying.

Whether rehab works “most of the time” or not is irrelevant. She is not a statistic.

Suggest you get a clue. And soon.

17

Nowadays I use my med card to get weed delivered to my house after ordering it on the internet. But back in the day I bought lots of drugs. And I sold drugs for a time in the 80s (MDMA). It was almost entirely weed and LSD when I was buying though. My experience with coke was very limited. Sure a dealer who knew you well would front you a little bit. A debt as big as the OP describes rings false to me. Taking the OP at face value, the wife is not being totally forthcoming.

18

I do realise it’s a serious problem but as I said above, divorce isn’t an option…there’s one get out clause in the marriage vows and neither of us are dead yet.

I **know **that getting though it is going to be hard on both of us, she’ll probably lie to me again, maybe even get us into this exact same situation in another year or so but it’s not an insurmountable problem, it’s just very difficult.

I also know that I’m not going to deprive my son of a loving mother just because she made a stupid mistake and got addicted to a drug.

19

Yup. But it will take a bit.

Addiction is a mental illness - the physical comes later. But it is a somewhat selective illness.

Not all drugs have hooks for all people. I’m hooked on one drug, but I’ve used many others many times but I never feel like I need coke or heroin or valium etc. They lack hooks for me (though it may be that having hooks rom one has made me more cautious about others.) I can take them and walk away with no worries.

Think about how many people you know who drink. Then think about how many “drink too much” and then think about how many are “drunks.” Most can do it without problems, some do too much with minimal problems and some get hooked.

All drugs are the same. Most can try them with impunity, some will try them and then do them too often and some few will try them and go back to them like they are oxygen.

So look to why the addict is attracted to that drug. I don’t like coke. I don’t like it because it makes me too talkative, too hyper and too active. I’ll still do it if it is free and available - I like being high and dislike not being high - but I won’t seek it out. It makes me too much of me. Some people like that

My drug makes me less of me. It takes me away from myself and allows me to be someone I’m not really.

Rehabs (at least in Canada - I know you are UK) threat all addicts as the same. A cokehead, a junkie and a drunk are different animals. They can not be dealt with the same way because the underlying motivation is different.

AA,NA and all the other ways work on the assumption that addiction is a spiritual lack. Gain spirituality and you will succeed. Bad assumption.

For most people you cannot God away an addiction. Most rehabs (in personal and anecdotal experience - in Canada) go to the twelve-step model.

What the various A’s have right is that an addict will not change unless they REALLY, REALLY, want to. Most addicts don’t REALLY, REALLY want to.

We want to have our cake and eat it too. We want to go back to when it was manageable but we don’t want to quit entirely.

Since it is presented as all or nothing the majority of addicts go back to all.

Quitting takes massive effort and sacrifice. Not quitting takes a phone call or two.

Addicts’ loved ones will generally give them multiple chances and somewhat excuse their behaviour because “they have a problem.”

Look at you. She burned you for 200 pounds, claimed remorse and then racked up 600 more - and her solution was geographic (I won’t be able to find drugs in _____) and free (is her sister likely to be able to restrict her movement) and sacrifice free (she gets to have the kid.)

But she is sacrificing being with you, right?

You come 4th in this. Coke and Mrs. Delicious come in a tie for 1st, the kid is 3rd and you are 4th.

Beating an addiction requires a degree of mental and emotional commitment that most addicts are unwilling or unable to make.

Rehabs fail because they are short term (mostly) and rely on the addict’s commitment to continue working at it after the 21 days.

Sadly, I can’t tell you what will work.

I can tell you that unless she is 100% committed to being straight then the shit you are currently enjoying will continue and escalate.

TLDR - Rehabs fail because unless the addict is completely committed to making the sacrifices required to beat the addiction then as soon as they walk out the door the countdown starts.

20

The fact that you claimed you have never heard of “credit” but bought and sold “lots” makes your whole post reek of bullshit.

For the record I’ve been fronted $600 in 1995 dollars based on buying once and a vouch from my buddy.

You talk like someone that has seen 3 drug deals and a “very special” episode.