Godfellas - Priests who are made members of the mob.
*Dumb: *The animated classic about an adorable baby elephant who can fly . . . but cannot speak.
E. - a small alien tries party drugs.
Clerk - guy works in a convenience store on his own. Nothing happens.
Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Ex But Were Too Afraid to Ask - a woman really goes to town on her former partner.
Ill Bill - the Bride looks after a friend in need.
Oh Bother Where Art Thou - Winnie the Pooh loses sight of Piglet while on the lam.
Braveheat - a rebellious Scot battles prickly heat & brings down his country’s pants.
RooCop. Part Kangaroo. Part Machine. All Cop.
True Git - A silly girl hires a stupid U.S. Marshal to track her dumb-ass father’s killer in Indian Territory. They wind up in New Delhi.
Jaw. The sheriff of a small, New England island discovers the Jaw of a great white shark, and thinks it’s kinda cool, but kinda gross.
12 Hours. Some guy gets his arm stuck in between a bolder and the rock wall alone in a remote Utah canyon, 60 feet below the surface… for 12 hours. He was just kinda starting to get thirsty, then he got eaten by coyotes.
*Independence Da. *The biopic of Boris Yeltsin and his decision to break up the Soviet Union.
Raisin Arizona - An ex-con returns to a life of crime in order to procure a missing ingredient for his wife’s cereal flakes.
Iron Ma - A stay-at-home mom avenges her condition by beating everyone to death with a skillet.
Quantum Lep: A brilliant scientist finds a way to travel back and forth within his own lifetime, but is faced with the growing onset of leprosy each time he leaps.
Fight Cub: A documentary on the history of bear-baiting.
Forrest Gum: Life is like a pack of Juicy Fruit.
Harry Otter: A sea mammal becomes a wizard.
Field of Reams: A man builds a baseball field in his local Staples.
Fight Cub: A young bear with a dissociative identity disorder fights with other bears (or Carlos Zambrano’s biography, perhaps).
30 ROK: A young women produces a comedy show in Seoul.
The Empire Trike’s Back - Darth Vader returns on a 3-wheeled bike.
Hor - A Nordic male prostitute wields a mighty hammer to rule Assgard.
Aint Your Wagon - California prospectors miss out on a gold rush and the love of a beautiful woman as they fight over a buckboard.
E.A.T. - A group of hardcore thieves try and outwit L.A. detectives as they break into high-end Taco Trucks.
Vanishing Pint - No trace of alcohol is found after Kowalski runs a 440 R/T into a couple of bulldozers in broad daylight.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dagon - H.P.lovecraft’s martial arts epic.
Once Upon a Tim in the West - Porn remake, with less ominous creaking sounds.
Leo - 12 year old girl taken in by as astrologer, who teaches her to cast the horoscope of the corrupt DEA agent who murdered her family.
Toy Tory - Tale of a Mrs Thatcher doll who comes to life and goes searching for her missing heart.
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bob - With the help of an unconventional doctor, a woman learns to come to terms with her unfashionable haircut.
Saving Private Yan - A platoon of Chinese soldiers go in search of a missing private.
Paths of Gory - War film about the defence of a Stalingrad abattoir.
WALL - A robot attempts to clean up a waste covered Earth, but is impeded by an impenetrable barrier.
Eternal Sunshine of the Potless Mind - A stoner kicks his weed habit in an attempt to improve his memory.
Pan Labyrinth - Seven people wake to find themselves trapped in a deadly maze constructed out of kitchenware.
The Ridge on the River Kwai - Geographical impossibility puzzles experts.
Full Meal Jacket - Biopic of Lady Gaga’s costume designer.
The Sing - A musical con-man seeks revenge for the murder of his partner.
Di Hard - The last days of Princess Diana.
Hat - A professional criminal and homicide detective squabble over possession of a piece of headwear.
Hotel Wanda - Maybe using the heist money to buy a hotel with a character played by John Cleese wasn’t such a good idea.
Rave of the Fireflies - The greatest insectoid party ever comes to town.
The Sith Sense - A young boy is haunted by the ghosts of people he previously force-choked to death.
Carface - Man with a face shaped like a Buick falls into a life of crime.
The Big Seep - Humphrey Bogart’s DIY problems with life in an old house.
Fining Nemo - Clownfish in peril due to the rising popularity of fin soup.
The Erminator - Time travelling robot draws ire from animal rights activists for dispensing fur coats.
Ed Woo - Story of a man’s many failed attempts to attract women.
Gone with the Win - Frankly my dear … I’m leaving.
All Quit on the Western Front - Ok, we’ll call it a draw.
The Hanover - Four men awaken after a night in Vegas and try to figure out why they’re wearing dress shoes.
Carie – an unpopular high school girl wreaks havoc with her psychic powers after getting a cavity.
Creepsow – Comic book pig returns from the grave.
The Dead One – starring Christopher Walken without makeup.
Children of the Con – A bunch of creepy little religious kids get people to send them money.
Irestarter – A little girl has the power to piss everyone off.
Pet Sematry – These animals look the same on both sides!
Miser* – A woman claims to be an author’s number one fan, but won’t give him any money.