Right now, stop what you are doing and go and grab some product and write down here the disclaimers and manufacters suggestions.
You know, " Refrigerate after opening." " Discard after seven days." the legal sundry.
I need them for my Xmas card. Yes, Xmas card.
Surgeon General’s Warning:
Smoking by pregnant women may result in fetal injury, premature birth, and low birth weight.
Also,
COMPLIMENTARY. NOT FOR SALE. All applicable state taxes paid by manufacturer.
Warning: chillies can be a skin irritant. Wash hands after handling this product.
I can’t move right now as I have a sleeping dog on my lap.
Anybody got a ladder or directions for a small electrical appliance nearby? They are full of disclaimers.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
How about this one on a BOX OF PENS:
“When using any brand of liquid ink pen on an airplane, be sure to remove the cap with the point upward to avoid problems that could occur due to cabin pressure.”
Rather expensive lotion:
Apply generously to body and hands after bath, shower or anytime.
On my sparklers (fireworks):
“Use responsibly”
“Always have a bucket of water handy.”
“Don’t play until late.”
Not really disclaimers, I know, but they were just so …
“Warning: Misuse by intentionaly concentrating and inhaling contents may be harmful or fatal”
Jon
CAUTION
Do not allow any metal or conductive items to lay across and come in contact with the metal arms of the lamp.
Vittel Water:
1 Remove protective tamper proof hygiene cap
2 Pull up white cap
3 Squeeze to drink
Capt not suitable for children under 36 months as it contains small parts.
(BTW who the hell needs instructions as to how to open and drink a bottle of water??? The mind boggles!)
1. Shake well. 2. Remove cap. 3. Hold dispenser upright 8 to 12 inches away. 4. Press button-spray on surface and wipe clean. Polish with clean dry cloth.
Because it’s hard to use glass cleaner if you don’t know how.
Apply liberally on face and neck as often as necessary. Reapply if perspiration or product rub-off occurs. Children under six months old: consult a doctor.
I always enjoy the fact that on every single bottle of moisturizer I’ve ever had, it claims to be “non-comedogenic,” but they assume you don’t know what that means, so they always put it as, “Non-Comedogenic (Won’t Clog Pores)” for all the people in the back row.
If I were going to design a skin care label, I’d put “Dermatologist (Skin Doc) Recommended” and “for sensitive (easily pissed off) skin,” etc., etc. just to see what people would do.
‘Do not use this product uf safety seal bearing “SEALED for YOUR PROTECTION” under cap is torn or missing’
“Keep out of reach of children”
“If pregnant or breast-feeding, ask a health professional before use.”
(All on some multi-vitamins)
“Medication may impair your ability to drive or operate machinery. Use care until you become familiar with effects.” (prescription medication)
“PHENYLKETONURICS: CONTAINS PHENYLALANINE” (Diet Coke)
“Ignite lighter away from face and clothing. Be sure flame is completely out after each use. Contains flamable gas under pressure. Never puncture or put in fire. Do not keep lit for more than 30 seconds. Never expose to heat above 120F or prolonged sunlight.” (lighter)
“UNPLUG IT! Do not remove this tag! Warn children of the risk of death by electrick shock!” (hair dryer)
Does anyone know if the Sun-Maid raisins one:
“For a change, why not try tossing over your breakfast cereal”
is real or an UL?
Caution: This beverage is extremely hot.
Caution: This product is only a deterrent. It is not a substitute for proper adult supervision. Regularly check Finger Pinch Guard for wear and correct positioning. Discontinue use when child becomes old enough to defeat it.
WARNING: Hot Coffee can burn you. (this is a real one from a cup of coffee that I bought this morning)
CAUTION: Avoid getting concentrate in eyes and prolonged contact with skin, if irritation occurs wash thoroughly with water. Keep open ventilation while using this product. Test on inconspicuous area before use. Manufacturer’s liability is limited to replacement of products or refund of purchase price upon return of unused portion with proof of purchase. (from concentrated cleaner)
WARNING: Keep out of reach of children. For external use only. Avoid contact with eyes. Take good care of the skin on your hands and apply a sunscreen anytime your hands will be exposed to the sun. (from hands lotion)
High quality & good taste. Sold as a novelty only. Not intended to prevent STD or pregnancy."
Warnings for a digital camera:
“Do not look at the sun through the viewfinder.”
“Do not place strap around neck.” (The strap in question is approximately 6 inches in diameter.)
“When operating the mode dial and the zoom button, care should be taken not to put your finger in your eye.” (And yet no mention was made of the hazard presented by one’s thumb.)
On a bottle of peroxide:
Warnings: for external use. Do not use in eyes or apply over large areas of the body. Do not use on deep or puncture wounds, animal bites, or on serious burns. If redness, irritation, swelling, or pain persists or increases or infection occurs, discontinue use and consult a doctor. Do not use this product for more than seven days unless directed by a dentist or doctor. Keep this and all drugs out of the reach of children. In case of accidental ingestions, seek professional assistance or contact a Poison Control Center immediately.