Well, I guess we can say that “they celebrate it differently” but sitting at home and doing nothing it’s not celebrating, its just an ordinary day. I told her I have nothing against spending Christmas with her family but how can I celebrate with them if they don’t do anything. Even my sister laughed at me when I told her, and she admitted it’s hard to celebrate something that is not celebrated. But whatever, we spent the first Christmas together, and she saw what I meant by talking about tradition. She truly enjoyed it though, and didn’t regret that we stayed.
I told her next year we can go to her cousin’s place after dinner because they’re organizing drinking parties for Christmas Eve. I don’t support it because I’m the one driving thru the crazy, packed city with no parking which makes me super anxious and she knows that, but whatever.
I think we may spend New Years’s Eve with her family because we don’t have any plans so far and my in-laws really want us to sleep over at their place for some reason. It makes no sense to me because they don’t have a guest bedroom but whatever, I’m just gonna keep my mouth shut and share one room with everyone else.
And I never said to her I won’t ever spend holidays with her family. What I told her was that if they invite us and I know that they won’t cancel the last minute as always I will go. I just don’t want to stress over it just because they can never organize the simplest thing in the world.
I know we come from two completely different worlds. It’s just the most annoying thing to me when people are so disorganized, and I have to stress when I’m a guest so I shouldn’t be worried about anything.
Yes, everyone has some problems with their family. And to be clear sometimes I have problems with my closest family members too, but I see their mistakes and when they do something wrong we discuss it with my wife and I let her comment on it.
Ohh wow, I heard of some situations like this before.
I think you need to be careful you’re not adding additional stress on your wife with all your expectations or rules (such as “And I never said to her I won’t ever spend holidays with her family. What I told her was that if they invite us and I know that they won’t cancel the last minute as always I will go.”).
They invite you, go. They cancel or serve too little food, do NOT say anything. Smile, be there for your wife so she doesn’t have to feel embarrassed or that she’s making you unhappy. Let her feel that you’re happy to be there because you love her and she loves them.
It’s not about you. Even if you’re 100% right it does not matter. How you make your wife feel is the only thing that matters.
Congratulations!!!
Your daughter sounds like a very hardworking and responsible woman. I’m sure she’s a great mom.
That’s what I feel it should be- Baby Showers are to “shower” parents with some practical gifts that will help them out at the beginning. But parents have their responsibilities, they decide to have a baby so they should be the ones taking care of their child. That’s how people are around me too. I have older siblings that have kids but they were never expecting other family members to take the responsibility for them. That’s why it bothers me when I see how people try to use others, because I come from hardworking family.
Yes, I know. I never let them see if they do something wrong or disappointing. Even when we were organizing our wedding it was my wife that was crying because of them, not me. Then again on our wedding day I was mad at them being late but they made her cry because she felt extremely disappointed. Same story after the wedding I did’t say a word to her family about not giving us anything but she let them know that she feels that’s very messed up that her whole family ignored her.
And this Christmas my family wanted to invited my in-laws but the problem with them is that if we invite one person then 15 additional people end up showing up, so there would be no way to fit all of them.
I’m open for New Year’s Eve though and we’re probably going to spend it with my in-laws.
They’re late? “That’s ok sweetheart, it’ll be a great day anyway”. They didn’t make food on time “No problem, it’s nice just to visit for awhile” etc. Be careful that part of what’s causing her unhappiness is that she’s feeling bad for you.
About splitting holidays - some people choose an alternate weekend or day to celebrate, when having to split time between families/in-laws/siblings in-laws. Maybe you could choose an alternate day to visit them and call that the holiday, since they don’t celebrate the actual day anyway. Then there are no expectations of what the day should be like, or decorations, or food - unless you bring it with you. (I was wondering if you could just bring a pizza or whatever with you, if worried there would be no food).
