Doper Confessions

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
101

[QUOTE=Mahna Mahna]
I read incredibly trashy romance novels - so incredibly trashy that I hide them from sight when friends come over, because I know there would be no end to the ensuing mockery. The strangest part is that I often skip over the overblown (and usually silly) sex scenes, because what I actually like about those books are the falling-in-love-and-stumbling-towards-a-happy-ending plotlines.
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I skip the sex scenes, too. (Of course part of it is that the sex scenes either fall into the Painfully-awkward category, or into the So-many-euphemisms-that-I-can’t-keep-from-giggling-madly category.) I just like the fluffy cheese. Though some authors are better at it than others.

102

[QUOTE=Sleeps With Butterflies]
The ladies trying to out do each other with bikini pics and cleavage are making me laugh, yet I feel the female urge to participate.
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Yeah, me too. Thing is, though, that I am thoroughly convinced that I’m ugly, so why bother? I’ll just shrivel SSG Schwartz’s hard-on. :frowning:
Any time I hear that someone has deep-seated issues with trying new food or is so picky that it’s easier to say what they do eat, I have to question the parenting skills of those who brought them up. I don’t like everything I eat, but it’s rare to find something that I dislike so intensely that I have to make a big deal out of not eating it.
If you think nobody will notice that you’ve got stains/lint/other defilements on your shirt, you’re wrong. I will, and I compulsively check myself for imperfections in my outfit. Of course, this doesn’t get as far as the “does this make me look frumpy?” stage of picking out clothing.

103

  1. I think Queen Bruin is so awesome that I gave a PS2 to her – wait, what? That’s been covered already? Alright, moving on…

  2. I’ve never smoked/inhaled/ingested/injected an illegal drug. And not for any moral reasons. I’ve had plenty of opportunity (or at least I did in my youth), but I was always too scared of what drugs – even marijuana – would do to me. So I just stayed away because I was chicken. I’m curious, but not curious enough to find out by trying.

  3. Shout goes out to my homey Opal in the house.

  4. I didn’t learn how to blow a bubble with gum until I was in my mid-20s. My learning experience involved expelling a piece of gum onto the car windshield while driving up the coast. My wife, a long-time bubble-blower and a passenger at the time, found this hilarious.

  5. I’m pretty mechanically inept. I remember there being a thread a while back on 25 things every guy should know how to do (or something like that), and I think I knew five of them.

I will quietly await my shaming off of the boards now.

104

[QUOTE=nashiitashii]
Yeah, me too. Thing is, though, that I am thoroughly convinced that I’m ugly, so why bother? I’ll just shrivel SSG Schwartz’s hard-on. :frowning:
[snip/]

[/QUOTE]

I will take responsibility for whatever happens to my hardon, thank you. :smiley: So make with the pictures. And be snappy.

SSG Schwartz

105

I think Gilbert Gottfried is funny.

106

This just came up in the car on the way home from the grocery store-

I really like that song “Mambo Number 5.” Very catchy.

:eek:

107

I think that is quite possibly the most shocking confession we have seen here so far! :smiley:

108

[QUOTE=Asimovian]
2. I’ve never smoked/inhaled/ingested/injected an illegal drug. And not for any moral reasons. I’ve had plenty of opportunity (or at least I did in my youth), but I was always too scared of what drugs – even marijuana – would do to me. So I just stayed away because I was chicken. I’m curious, but not curious enough to find out by trying.
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I’ve never been much of a daredevil in that regard myself. I figured I might turn out like Reverend Jim of Taxi—hey, that’s a really young Tom Hanks in this clip!—if I took the chance:

[QUOTE=Asimovian]
3. Shout goes out to my homey Opal in the house.
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If the dope had an official sweetheart, I think she’d be it. Talented as hell, smart, decent…what’s not to love?

[QUOTE=Asimovian]
4. I didn’t learn how to blow a bubble with gum until I was in my mid-20s. My learning experience involved expelling a piece of gum onto the car windshield while driving up the coast. My wife, a long-time bubble-blower and a passenger at the time, found this hilarious.
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When I was about 13 I got sick of not being able to do this. I finally managed it after many similar “premature ejaculations.” But now that we’ve mastered it, the world is our oyster, isn’t it?

[QUOTE=Asimovian]
5. I’m pretty mechanically inept. I remember there being a thread a while back on 25 things every guy should know how to do (or something like that), and I think I knew five of them.

I will quietly await my shaming off of the boards now.
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I’m going to need to see that list so that I can claim to know more than you. :smiley:

If something went wrong with the house or the car, my ex- would always look at me like, “Well? You’ve got the Y chromosome…you must know what to do.” If only these things were transmitted genetically: my dad could fix or repair anything, but it never rubbed off on me :frowning:

109

[QUOTE=Atomicktom]
I think Gilbert Gottfried is funny.
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Me too, he’s a terrific joke teller.

110

I have witnessed the cleavage-fest on this thread with much amusement, and much as I am well-qualified to participate, I will sit this one out as I have no idea how to post photos online.

Speaking of which, it took me 25 years to come to terms with having large breasts. I developed early (age 11), which one would think would have made me popular with boys. Quite the opposite - people would call out “Moo!” as I was walking down the hall at school. I spent most of the following years trying to hide my breasts, wearing big jackets and cover-ups, and generally hating my body. Only in the past 12 months or so have I really begun appreciating being well-endowed. I mean, I might as well get some mileage out of my boobs before they start sagging for real. :stuck_out_tongue:

I refuse to eat whole fish. I can eat filets and sushi, and canned tuna, but can’t stand looking at a whole fish, eyes, tail and all, staring back at me from a plate.

I like coffee with lots and lots of sugar and cream, for which I am ridiculed at work by the black-coffee devotees, especially my ex-supervisor, who grew up on a coffee plantation in Guatemala and lives on the stuff.

I like fanfiction. Haven’t written any yet, but I do enjoy reading it. I particularly enjoy Star Trek and anime fanfics; I may have mentioned my fondness for slash/yaoi on a previous thread. Not entirely sure I like mpreg, though. :eek:

Like other posters farther up the thread, I’ve been a bleeding-heart liberal all my life, and am not ashamed to say it. (cues up Phil Ochs’ “Love Me, I’m a Liberal”) That said, some of the things certain famous people whose opinions are left of center say and do can get on my nerves. I would go on, but would rather not hijack the thread. This ain’t the Pit, obviously.

I collect shot glasses from places I or people I know have gone, or shot glasses I found interesting. I currently have, on the shelf above my computer, one from Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas, one from Granada, Spain, one from Cancun which contains a gel candle, and one which inexplicably is wrapped in a leather holster etched with an image of Che Guevara (no, this has nothing to do with the previous paragraph). I think it was my brother’s.

111

[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]
I’m going to need to see that list so that I can claim to know more than you. :smiley:
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Conveniently – er, rather, coincidentally, I can’t figure out how to search for the thread in question. The terms I remember are too common, unfortunately. :smack:

ETA: Couldn’t find the thread, but I found the list it was based on . And I can actually do seven of these things, and could probably wing two more of them. :smiley:

112

[QUOTE=Atomicktom]
I think Gilbert Gottfried is funny.
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I think Bob Saget is one of the funniest people on the planet. Actually, I’m hard pressed to think of comedians I find more hilarious.

113

I would try almost anything sexual with a woman I trusted in bed. I’m not going to go into specifics, but there isn’t much I wouldn’t try given the chance. Sex is a fascination for me. Plus I watch some really extreme porn. Some friends were talking about some kind of porn today that they found bizarre and I mentioned that it was pretty tame by my standards.

I have a few unusual OCD-ish tendencies. For instance, when walking across different surfaces, I make sure I start on one surface with the left foot and end on the right foot. I only do this when I’m thinking about it, which isn’t most of the time, and I can stop from doing it even if I am thinking about it, but I do it pretty often. And certain other things have to be done an even number of times. Oh, and steps have to be taken starting with the left foot, and if there are an uneven number of steps, they were poorly designed.

And I was like some of the other people in this thread when I was in high school: afraid to do drugs or even get drunk. Just the thought of not being in control of my mind was pretty scary. Now the pendelum has swung the other way. I’ve done some harder drugs than most people, and would probably try heroin given the opportunity. Luckily I don’t have an addictive personality and I try to be careful nevertheless. Alcohol is the only thing I consume regularly and it’s rarely enough to get tipsy or drunk.

114

Oh, and I kind of want to sleep with a prostitute just once so I can say I did. I somewhat enjoy doing things that are generally considered immoral or distasteful, but which I don’t. I know if I slept with a prostitute though, it might not set well with anyone I wanted to have a serious relationship with in the future.

Along those lines, my role models are anti-heroes. I’ve looked up to Al Bundy since I was a little kid. Gregory House is pretty cool too. I wish I could be more of an asshole.

115

I’m a picky condiment person myself. I eat a moderate amount of ketchup, love mayo, but absolutely detest mustard. So my secret shame? Not only do I put ketchup on my hot dogs, but I put mayo on my hamburgers and <gasp> on good corned beef sandwiches. I have been openly mocked at delis for this disgusting habit. I took the mayo and ate it anyway. :smiley:

I’m also living proof that telling someone “you’ll learn to like” a certain food is poppycock. As a child, I hated stewed tomatoes, which my mother insisted on using in cooking several times a week. Every single time, my father would insist I eat them because I’d learn to like them. Instead, to this day I pick every recognizable piece of cooked tomato out of any food I eat. Yes, you may attribute my food phobia to bad parenting. I cannot disagree.

And not to worry, EJsGirl, I like Mambo No. 5, too.

And I hate, hate, hate Elvis Presley. Can’t stand his music, can’t stand the way he moved, didn’t ever find him sexy or even marginally tolerable.

116

[QUOTE=Asimovian]
Conveniently – er, rather, coincidentally, I can’t figure out how to search for the thread in question. The terms I remember are too common, unfortunately. :smack:

ETA: Couldn’t find the thread, but I found the list it was based on . And I can actually do seven of these things, and could probably wing two more of them. :smiley:
[/QUOTE]

I believe that this is the thread you are referencing. And there was a bit of debate about the utility or completeness of some of the items on that list.

117

I’ve never liked Star Trek.
I think Star Wars (New Hope) is possibly the best movie ever.

I thought the LoTR books were even worse than the movies.

Classic (or “good” or whatever) literature bores me. I actually own most of Anne McCaffrey and David Eddings books. Only about a quarter of Heinlein is worth reading, although I’ll never admit that.

Hmm, I just realized that I might have bad taste.

118

I never liked my mother’s mother very much.

My apartment hasn’t been dusted or vacuumed since June 27.

I sleep with the light on.

I haven’t been to church in like three years.

I write plays in my spare time.

119

I always turn the spines/covers of books inwards so the faces on the covers don’t look at me.

I hate the taste of chewing gum, beer, coffee, and soft drinks.

I hate pickles, but I love relish.

I get really, ridiculously, unbelievable picky about drinking glasses.

120

I got a toothache like 12 years ago, I never told the dentist about it (sometimes I forgot, sometimes I didn’t want to know what it really was, I figured if it was important, the x-rays would show something). To this day it still hurts if I chomp down on that tooth with something hard. To make matters worse, I haven’t been to the dentist in like 10 years. At this point I’m scared to go. I really don’t want to know how many cavities I have, or how much it will cost to fill them.