I can do 16 of those things, and make it 17 if we substitute “hanging dry wall” for “framing a wall”. I can most likely manage the canoe and HDTV too.
So, a second confession: when I’m rich and famous, I’m going to have my own damn rollaway of tools, because my husband is terrible about putting his back into his damn toolbox. And mine will have a damn lock, too!* And I’ll never lend them to him*!
Dude, if you have the money (or, ideally, insurance), you gotta go. I learned the hard way that those 6 month check-ups aren’t just scams. I didn’t go to the dentist once from 2002-2007. Like you, I had one obvious problem tooth (a big piece of it fell off it) and just lived with it for about two years, chewing on the other side. I even lived with the fact that I had about four teeth that were very cold-sensitive (which was a bitch because I only drink ice water).
Anyway, I finally went (when the problem tooth started aching 24/7), and I had six cavities and two root canals + crowns – dentist said that two of the cavities were just a couple of months from being root canals themselves. I had no insurance, so I had to pay over $6,000 out of pocket.
And you know what? Totally worth it. I can eat without pain. Untreated, your teeth or only going to get worse, not better. Get yourself checked out.
Where to start?
Cartoon network? I’ve never seen an anime (except for a couple of Sailor Moon…were they animes?) My daughter loves them; I don’t understand why.
My husband’s a meat-&-potatoes guy. I give him his vegetables by putting them through the blender, then adding them to sauces. “What’s that flavor?” he asks. “Bacon Salt ™” I reply. “Ummm.”
I’m the only person I know who’s never had an energy drink. Coffee’s good enough for me.
I enjoy reading “Reader’s Digest”, and find Laughter, the Best Medicine funny.
Back in the early 1970’s, I snorted cocaine (led to a sneezing fit ala Woody Allen) and shot up heroin once. It made me nauseous.
One last confession: I’m a confirmed protestant, but I talk to the Virgin Mary on a daily basis. Note, I don’t say “pray”, I say talk. I’m a mom, she’s a mom. I’ve got kids, she’s had kids. I feel that She knows about Mom Things…
Love, Phil
I think about sex a lot.
I know, you are all thinking, so do I zebra, no big.
If you are female, and I’ve seen you, (unless you are my mom or my sisters) then I’ve pictured you having sex with me. Not 'normal missionary style sex either but kinky, costumed, public sex with many other women involved.
Thank you for posting those photos ladies. Keep 'em coming.
Thought of a few more:
I think about sex a lot, too. This probably isn’t all that surprising given that I’ve made a living writing about it before. Still, I spend most of the day fantasizing - this was true even at a corporate job. Somehow I still managed to do my work well. I love that I used to be able to call reading erotica “research.” Maybe I can do so again.
I make most of my bread and the candy I eat unless someone buys some for me. It’s not that I hate other bread and candy, but it helps me control my weight - if I refuse to buy it, the only way I can eat it is if I go out of my way to make it.
I, too, have never had an energy drink and just the thought makes me cringe.
I like cheap, flavored creamers in my coffee. This horrifies most people, especially since I used to live in South America. For some reason, living there = coffee snob, even though most people who live there drink a hefty amount of Nescafe.
Most of my friends think I’m a bitch (along the lines of Karen from Will & Grace - not truly mean, but extremely sarcastic and prone to random snotty comments), but I cry when I get mad. And I cried a little when I left work for the last time Friday.
I’ve always fantasized about being a stay-at-home mom, but the reality of staying at home with my kid all day makes me nuts. I love him so much and would happily throw myself in front of a bus for him, but I need the space to think. I’m glad that, for now, he’ll be at daycare until I figure out what I’m going to do with my life.
I think people who use antibacterial soap and use a napkin to open the door of a public bathroom after washing their hands are paranoid.
Oh, and re the boobs thing: I also have a rather large rack and am tempted to post cleavage photos. But I can’t bring myself to do so. Not only would that necessitate a shower (what? just in case you saw my actual face); I also hate my chin and most of my face - the thought of my chin and crooked smile appearing in a photo makes me wince. Strangely, the thought of posting photos of my boobs to an anonymous message board does not.
All Knitting Confessions. Be still your beating heart.
I am a intermediate knitter.
I contracted out my christmas knitting to someone on Etsy with me supplying the yarn, for $60 plus s/h. So, my contribution for Xmas gifts for the neice and nephews is going out and buying gift cards to put in their knit mittens.
I want to attempt my first sweater and have the yarn, but I lack two things: balls to commit to it and decisive skills to actually pick a pattern. I’ve been waffling for about two years.
I was this way for the first 31 years of my life ( ok, teen years until 31) and I couldn’t beleive that this world was populated with so many dumbasses.
Then I started taking prozac.
Now what use to irritate me, entains me.
YMMV. Talk to a doctor. My ten minute blab to my GP changed everything.
I like Schlitz beer and I don’t like wine much. I’ve tried enough good wine and my father loves wine and is forever trying to introduce me to good wine, but at best I am indifferent. For beer, I may enjoy a fancy beer but if I am out drinking at a bar, I’ll go for the cheap beer since after the first, the taste doesn’t matter much to me.
I don’t like pets very much. I have allergies so never had them growing up or as an adult with the exception of a roommates cats for a year. The cats were fine but I don’t want the responsibility or the time that it takes to clean after them. I also dislike the smell that most pet owner’s houses tend to have.
With the exception of changing planes in Texas and maybe Kansas once, I have never been west of West Virginia. I’ve never been to Chicago, Los Angeles or San Francisco despite having grown up in the States and despite travelling quite a bit. Worse, I have friends who have lived in those Cities and would have been able to crash for free.
I think we prefer this one from that same collection! 
I believe I did this once, though unknowingly at the time. It was a “retirement” party for me and another guy from the club league baseball team we’d played on for the last 6 years. I was 22 - the party was at the bar we hung out at.
Sometime after things got going, I started talking to a girl I’d never seen before, and who I DEFINITELY would remember having seen. The best description is “slinky” Tall, thin, and dressed in a skin tight, revealing sun dress. great, long hair and she smelled like I imagine heaven does.
And she just loved me. Everything I said was funny, I had really muscular arms, a great butt, etc. Ok, all true. 
After we’d been talking a while, playing pinball…stuff you did in bars in the early 80’s, we were standing by the bar and she started that standing right up against me, and pretending to NOT be doing that rubbing her leg against my crotch thing. I was having a ball and just said maybe we could go somewhere else?
She picked up her drink, did this amazingly sexy thing with the straw draining it, took my hand and walked me out. Down the road, we checked into a motel and stayed the night. I actually went out with her again the next Friday, then never again after that. She said she wasn’t into dating the same guy a lot, but that I was a lot of fun, and blah blah.
Later it hit me and I asked a couple guys who denied any involvement, but not very convincingly.
Me too. And I’m starting to be able to determine what’s “pretentious literature” (the type of stuff Oprah or Diane Rehm usually talks about) just from the dust jacket blurbs.
After four years of grad school, my brain craves fluffy fantasy.
If I’m switching channels and “Mommie Dearest” is on, I have to watch it. I did that last night, in fact. It was 9:00 and there was only an hour left of it and instead of going to bed (which I had intended to do), I stayed up and watch. I’m sorry, but it’s campy I love it, dammit!
I hate dogs. Not only because one bit me, but they also smell bad whether they’ve been bathed or not. And I don’t like dog slobber on me.
I own every season of “Three’s Company” on DVD.
I do this, too! I keep my eyes staring right at the road. I don’t care about your expensive car, Mr. Douchebag.
I’m just the opposite of Asimovian, I like drugs just fine and have tried damned near everything except PCP and a few of the more exotic hallucinogens. If I have a chance to try them, I probably will aside from PCP because that shit’s just stupid. In spite of my varied history I’ve never been hooked on anything and I suspect that people who do get addicted are just a bunch of pussies who can’t control themselves. This goes quadruple for cigarette and alcohol addicts.
Along those lines I suspect that a lot (but not all) of people with mental health issues could probably do a LOT more to fix their heads than they do but they actually like having the excuse so they don’t.
I have a very casual attitude toward laws. I laugh my ass off at Dope threads wherein the strident whiny idiots carp endlessly about things being illegal–really, people, do you even KNOW where laws come from and how many times a day even the most law abiding person breaks an existing law? I only obey laws I agree with or can see the utility of, or the ones with such draconian punishments that it’s not worth risking getting caught. That being said, if I could be pretty sure of not getting caught there are quite a few huge laws I’d break in a minute. Basically, I don’t accept any higher authority than my own conscience. Laws and cops are just petty annoyances to work around in order to live my life the way I prefer to live it.
I cordially detest the vast majority of people I run into–this would explain why I’m not a terribly social creature. It’s the stupidity–it buuuuuurns!
If I had my way I’d only wear clothes when it’s cold. I think it’s stupid and arbitrary for people to decide that arms are okay to leave uncovered but tits and butts aren’t. Who decides this shit, anyway?
I have a very high capacity for violence which is offset by my generally laissez faire nature. When I do get mad I’m perfectly capable of astonishing acts of mayhem and I seldom have even a qualm of guilt about it afterwards (sometimes a bit of nausea, though.) Someone has to intentionally push a lot of buttons in spite of having been warned repeatedly to get me to that state, and if they’re that determined to let the djinni out of the bottle they have no right crying because they’re bleeding, is my opinion. It’s really a wonder I haven’t been arrested more often than I have. Probably because most of them totally deserved it and they know it, too.
It’s probably not reassuring right here for me to also say that I really like guns. A lot. I get a pantysplash from blowing shit up–firing off a full clip of .45 Mag rounds is the equivalent to a really toe-curling orgasm. I’m saving up for a Baby Eagle… when I get it I’m going for a concealed carry permit, too.
OK. Here goes.
I can’t flippin stand science fiction. I’m smart enough to get it, and understand all of the intricacies, but I just can’t stand it. Heinlein sucks and LOTR (the books and movies) bored me senseless.
I have a tendency not to trust anyone.
I write and occasionally perform poetry. I was better at it a few years ago, but I haven’t had the inspiration in a while, and I fear it’s because I’m happy.
I’m really sick of the green movement and all of the associated shit.
I love making lists.
I think labor unions do more for themselves than the people they represent, and it pisses me off.
I always try and do the right thing, no matter the end result.
I have participated in an activity that related directly to the ending of the life of another person whom I did not know.
I have an aversion to travel by boat, but I like that it scares the crap out of me.
I am more sexually adventurous than any 10 people I know. Seriously, if people only knew…
10a) I love with a capital L big boobs. In fact, my attraction to a woman is based on two things, the intensity of her eyes and the size of her boobs, in that order.
I find it arousing to go fast in anything. The faster the better.
I have a very strong urge to get into a fist fight, but resist it.
I rolled a car that I borrowed when I was a teenager, crawled away from the wreckage and told my friend the car was stolen.
I love to drink. I like beer, whiskey, vodka, absinthe, basically anything with alcohol in it.
I secretly wish I could run in the Hollywood Elite crowd so I could find a way to steal them blind and give the money to people who need it.
I don’t give 1/1000th of a shit what people think. I did at one point. I cared a great deal what people thought, but then I got to know those people, and discovered how much time I wasted. It pisses me off to this day.
I love these threads - it just goes to prove what I always believed is that under the surface of every person is a boiling mass of neuroses. Well, guess I should confess some things then (this may come back to haunt me):
I’ve slept with a prostitute (I’m a man and so was he). Two prostitutes, actually. For those that are wondering what it’s like then I can tell you, t wasn’t that great an experience and I don’t recommend it unless you really can’t get it for free.
I’ve been a prostitute, and have had sex with more men than I paid to sleep with (so I’m more whore than customer - yay!).
I am so open minded about sex that my brain could probably fall out. Short of killing someone there is pretty much no consensual act between adults that I look down on. Doesn’t mean I’m interested in all said acts, just that I’m totally happy for others to do them.
I think religion is a form of mental illness and if there was some way to cure people of it I’d happily forcibly administer. I have, in fact, been mentally ill (as in committed/sectioned) and really do think the comparison fits perfectly. When I was batshit crazy people didn’t sit around saying that my views were valid and that they should be respected, they locked me up and forced drugs down me until I wasn’t crazy any more. I don’t see why religion is any different. People who use it to justify their behaviour or attempts to make others do things to suit them make me reflexively make me want to punch them in the face.
I suspect that I could probably kill someone. I don’t particularly want to, just that I’ve met some people that have really made me think “You know what, the world would be a better place if you weren’t in it” and if I were offered a no-consequence opportunity to be the person who removed them I’d give it some proper consideration. I suspect that a lot more people feel this way then let on.
I consider people less intelligent than me to be my inferiors. If you are a smoker you are automatically in that category.
I think that, if I’m honest, I’m probably quite a selfish person. I’ve had lots of people tell me otherwise because of time/effort/money/whatever I’ve given to them without asking for anything in return, but I just figure that I’m just good at fooling people.
When I was in High School lo those twenty years or so ago, all the special ed kids would go to the bathroom at the same time.
One day as I waked by, the door was closing slowly after them, and on a whim I just reached out and flicked off the lights.
I still hear their screams at night.
I’ll be paying that karmic debt off for a long, long time.
You just reduced it by making me laugh until no sound came out of my mouth.
I’m like most Dopers in that I don’t believe in ghosts, reincarnation, astral projection, sending energy across distances, and other such things.
I am unlike most Dopers in that I know that those things are true.
Gilbert Gottfried’s version of The Aristocrats made me laugh so hard I hurt.
Bob Saget’s version was even funnier.
Billy the Mime’s extra scene (in the bonus content area) was one of the most disturbing and moving (and, in all probability, honest) things I’ve seen.
pbbth, after reading your confessions, I went to look up your pics from the Doper Picture Thread even before I read further to see you linked to them. (Rhiannon8404, I would have looked up yours, but I don’t remember if you’re in that thread.) I feel bad that I don’t have a picture of me staring at your picture so you can see the appreciative look on my face.
If it helps anyone else decide to post their own cleavage picture, I would go and get a picture of me looking at pictures! I’m always here to help.