Ok, if the definition of loser doesn’t include “guy who buys suit for group presentation, but wouldn’t for funerals”, I don’t know what it does include.
That basically says that you value the group presentation, or at least the group members’ opinions more than having respect for the family and friends of the deceased.
I wore a Hawaiian shirt to my father’s memorial service. He wouldn’t have recognized me otherwise! 
It was a rather muted one, I’ll admit. Black background with green plants.
It seems like funeral goers who dress casually fit into one of two categories: those, as mentioned by Student Driver, who are coming from work and don’t have time to change into something more formal, and those who simply don’t want to wear more formal attire. If you fall into the latter category, grow the heck up. Every adult should have one nice button-down shirt and tie or one respectable dark dress/skirt. College students get something of a pass on this one, but really, having one decent outfit (Salvation Army has tons of ties and dresses) is not too much to ask.
Given that the funeral seems to have been for young girl who was clearly popular and had many friends, I probably wouldn’t give the stink-eye to anyone dressed in casual clothes, so long as they look clean and decently-covered. Some of them probably don’t own a suit, and may not necessarily have the income to afford to rent one just for this occasion.
Like a few others have said already, it’s better they attend dressed in whatever clothes they have, rather than not show up at all for lack of “appropriate” attire.
There might also have been some significance in the clothing choices. I was particularly touched when I saw photos of the funeral for Anastasia De Sousa, who was killed in the Dawson College shootings last year. Many mourners chose to wear her favourite colour, pink, instead of the traditional dark colours. That, to me, is a far better way to honour the dead than to drape ourselves in dark uncomfortable clothes.
You misunderstood my point. It’s your call to plan your funeral however you want. The behavior in discussion is how people behave at other people’s funerals they had no part in planning.
That’s what I was thinking about the OP…maybe the deceased wanted people to dress livelily. I know my mom wants us to have a big party and not be sad.
I did wear a blouse and skirt to the funeral of my best childhood friends, but thinking back they were in pastels. It’s what I would have worn to church anyway and it was an early summer day. He was a goofy warm person and it seemed appropriate.
My 28 yr old son was killed in 2006 in the oil patch in Alberta. At his funeral there were several guys that showed up that had obviously left their rigs to come to Jake’s funeral. They were in work clothes, or if they had the time, had gone and bought a new pair of jeans. I could have cared less. I was just honored that these guys cared enough about my son that they would drive several hours just to show their respect, then jump right back in their trucks to drive back for 5 to 10 hours to get back to work.
I’m with you, Hazel…I think it’s smart to have one funeral-ready outfit hanging in their closet, even if they never wear it otherwise. I have this suit with a straight black skirt and a black and brown houndstooth jacket. I never, ever wear stuff like that to work anymore, but I hang onto it because it’s perfect funeral wear. I’m at the age where parents’ friends and friends’ parents are getting up there in years, and so I have the occasional unexpected wake I have to go to. I’m always glad I have that suit in my closet.
I wouldn’t be too sure about that. I’ve never seen African Americans dressed casually for a funeral.
I agree that it’s better to be there than not attend. But *if *you have the option of wearing something more formal and choose not to, that strikes a bad chord with me. (Assuming it’s a conventional funeral, not one where the family has specifically requested informal dress.)
I’m kind of not getting this idea (for women, anyway) that dark, appropriate clothing must be uncomfortable. Unless the funeral is outside in the summer sun, I’ve got tons of funeral-appropriate clothing and shoes that are perfectly comfortable. Of course, I tend to shop carefully enough to make sure things are comfortable anyway (I hate being miserable.) So what’s wrong with black flats, a black skirt, and a blouse in non-bright colors? Or a dark dress and black flats?
No, me neither. My next door neighbor is a Black guy who I have never seen in a suit in the 10 years I’ve known him…he tends to dress casual-stylish when he’s going out. He told me once that he keeps a suit for weddings and funerals.
I prefer to dress up when I go to funerals, but yesterday I ended up going to a colleague’s wife’s funeral in my work attire, due to poor planning on my part.
I thought about not going because I had stupidly forgotten my jacket, but I recalled my grandparents and parents funerals, where I was just glad to have people show up and didn’t care how they were dressed. So I went.
My colleague seemed to appreciate my presence.
My advice: Dress up if you can, but if you can’t, go anyway!
Seems perfectly appropriate and not uncomfortable to me.
You know, this isn’t an either/or situation. It IS possible to dress nicely AND have a proper attitude, pay your respects, be there for the survivors, and laugh at crazy stories about the deceased. It’s not like those of us who dress in more formal clothing are ONLY there for the fashion show.
And we aren’t talking about people who show up on their lunch break from work. You can’t tell me that EVERY casually dressed person at a funeral is just dropping in from their shift at McDonald’s. I’m talking about waking up and thinking, “Hm, I’m going to so-and-so’s funeral today. What should I wear?”
And stop already with the “When I’m dead, I want people to wear their rock T-shirts and I want an open bar at my funeral.” Hey, knock yourself out, and I’ll wear a concert shirt to your funeral if I can find one. As several others have pointed out, this is from the point of view of a person going to a regular, formal funeral.
I’m getting a lot of Cousin Vinny vibe here: “This is how I dress.” Well, guess what, sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone.* I’m with burundi: When you’re an adult, sometimes you have to wear nice clothes that suit the occasion. Suck it up.
*On preview: TroubleAgain is right on. When I choose my “funeral clothes,” I choose items that maybe aren’t my first choice for everyday wear, but I would (and do!) wear them on non-funeral occasions, perhaps when I want or need to dress a bit more conservatively than normal. I wore my new funeral outfit when Mr. S and I went out to dinner for our wedding anniversary, because it’s a really nice outfit and we were going to a fancy place.
And that’s all we ask. Make the effort. It just seems that lack of dressing up is too often a case of “won’t” rather than “can’t.”
It’s always nice to see the elitist brigade out in springtime. When you go to a funeral not only should you feel sad about the lost person, you must also be self-concious about whether you have spent enough to please the rule-givers otherwise you are a loser. :rolleyes:
I don’t really care what others are wearing, but I would never, ever show up to a funeral in casual clothing. If I had to go direct from work, I’d just wear my funeral attire to work. For those who’ve said they make the rules, I’d agree that you better tell people WAY in advance. Because you don’t really make the rules unless you do so very early - as noted, you’re dead. It’s not like a wedding where you get the write the invitation and save the date months in advance, provide a full guest list and a list of appropriate attire (at least I’m hoping it’s not that premeditated).
Also, I think it’s a nice thought to hope that people will have a party and be happy and laugh, but I also think it’s extremely unlikely. I mean, you’re dead - not coming back. People are bound to be upset about that. Expecting them to be happy and have some great, festive party may not be the most realistic expectation.
Where do people get the idea that they have to spend a lot of money on these kinds of clothes? You don’t even have to have a suit. Go to Sears or JCPenney, get a pair of dark slacks or a black skirt and a subdued shirt. If you’re a guy, it would be nice to include a tie, as well. Keep them for the rest of your life and wear them to every wedding and funeral you go to. Dressing appropriately has nothing to do with how much money you spend.
Right, because conforming to cultural norms that have been existence for hundreds, if not thousands of years has everything to do with elitism and nothing to do with not wanting to look like a dickhead man-child.
As I said earlier, if you wouldn’t turn up to a funeral in the clothes you’ve used to paint your garage in, then you’ve already admitted that there’s at least some expectation of what you should wear to a funeral (discounting extraneous factors like FarmerChick’s post).
Do you really want to build your foundation on the “If it’s been that way for hundreds of years it must be right” paradigm? or would you like to try again.