This reminds me of the time I saw Guns N Roses back in 1991. It took them hours to take the stage after the opening band, but boy, it was worth it, as I’m sure Esprix’s response will be.
[Weather Channel]
Anchorperson: “We take you now to San Diego with breaking news. Here’s Hugh Hale with the latest developments.”
Hale: “I’m standing here in downtown San Diego watching an amazing and unprecedented sight in the skies of the city. Storm clouds are rapidly forming, and numerous incidents of lightning can be seen within the clouds. Meteorologists are completely baffled at this phenomenon. There are no significant cold fronts in the region. The storm appears to be centered over a neighborhood not too far distant, but the epicenter appears uncertain.”
Anchorperson: “Is there any indication that the storm is moving?”
Hale: “Yes. It’s moving east and north-northwest. We advise all those in the projected storm path to take cover, for there is the strong possibility of severe lightning and hail.”
[lights go out]
Emcee: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…
Esprix
[hush falls over crowd, kills three - film at eleven]
Esprix (from the darkness): I know you’ve all been waiting. AM/PM’s demise is imminent.
Your wait is over.
Here it is - my response:
:rolleyes:
[lights come up, announcement about filing out in an orderly manner]
Esprix
::wakes up::
Huh? Wuzzat?
‘d I miss it?
::rubs temple::
Oh man, fuckin’ Iron City beer . . .
Hey, why is there mustard smeared all over my glasses?
Now THAT was anti-climatic.
JOhn.
::Face Fault::
*** WHUMP!!***
::insane giggling::
I am both disappointed and pleased. This does not compute.
:: waves lighter in air ::
Freebird!
Freebird!!!
Psych! Ha, ha! Fooled ya! 
But seriously, you know, when I first read the OP, my thought was, “Huh. Hardly worth the effort.” The above :rolleyes: would have been more than enough for me, as it was so ridiculous. But with such pressure to perform ( :eek: ) I’ll give 'er a go. 
Well, your first sentence, and we’ve already caught you in two lies, as bdgr so aptly pointed out - you have, indeed, commented on one of my threads here, and you therefore do indeed know who I am. And whether or not you respond directly to a thread or post of mine, that is irrelevant to whether or not I read the rest of the tripe you post here; based on that, you’re a whining, petulent child who needs a timeout in the corner for a long, long time. Does your mommy know you know how to turn on the computer?
As to why you should care, that you can only answer for yourself, but obviously you care enough to start a whole “Pit” thread (as this hardly qualifies as a Pit thread, you lameass peon) about it.
I noticed you, however, when you had the brilliant idea of mocking Alphagene after he, as a moderator, essentially gives you notice that you’re being watched for being a suspected sock puppet. As I said there, yer a real bright one, ain’tcha?
You tell me, brainiac - tried reading this message board lately? Tried clicking on any of the links in my .sig? Yeah, four ongoing continuations of the same original thread (as each generation gets too long in page length, so they have to be closed) really makes me a “hit and run poster.” And those 5,000 posts I’m about to hit are all one-liners with no content or worth whatsoever. Tell me, other than your constant blathering about mods lying and banned posters not being banned, what, exactly, have you contributed to this board that even comes close to the massive entity that is the Gay Guy? Hmmm? Yeah, figured…
Ah, well, there’s the meat of it, isn’t it? And, since my reply was postponed by having a social life, kudos to Lemur866 for pointing out the obvious:
We know this. Why you keep posting about it over and over and over again is beyond us. Kudos, too, to SPOOFE and Fenris for pointing out all the places where your incessant whining is like a buzzing in everyone’s ear - annoying as fuck and we just can’t seem to get rid of you. Granted, I’m sure you’ll fuck up soon enough and get your weasly little ass banned eventually (and how this hasn’t happened yet is beyond me) - of course, to prove your protracted point, you’ll come back under another name again and again and again and again, and get banned again and again and again and again, continuously buzzing in our collective ears. Basically, we’re not asking that you go away mad, just that you go away.
As Fenris pointed out, have you noticed that no one is standing firmly on your side? Oh, Lucki Chaarms admitted you might have a point, but, on the whole, nobody likes you, nobody respects you, and nobody thinks very highly of your opinions. Are you getting a clue, here, Hawking?
So, basically, your OP was answered before I even got here, and, frankly, it would have elicited a :rolleyes: or a <yawn> from me anyway, if it hadn’t been for the enormous supportive response I got here. But was that good enough for you? Oh, heavens no! Instead of just annoying us, you decide to actually bother us. Time for your “witty retort”:
Yeah, there’s a bright idea, Fermi - guess. Based on your track record, I’m thinking this might not be as wise as you’d hoped.
SCORE! You guessed wrong, motherfucker, and I’ve already got people busting a gut to prove you otherwise, so I’ll just the evidence rest there. Try taking a break from your endless whining, harassing of mods, complaining about how this board is run and telling us all that banning does no real good and actually reading this message board to get a feel for how I really post on this board rather than your half-assed self-absorbed completely lame “guesses.”
So you yourself have just admitted to being a hit and run poster, something you accused me of in your OP. Brilliant! And the best part is, you’re right - there have been quite a number of threads where you’ve made some wild accusations, and when people came in to prove you wrong, you never posted in that thread again. Whatsamatter, was it that you were too embarassed when you realized what a dumbass you were in the first place, or too spineless to respond and admit you were wrong? I’d say both, based on what I’ve seen. Worse, I’d say you give me a run for my One Trick Pony[sup]TM[/sup] status - how many times have you posted the same drivel about “banned posters aren’t really banned?” Blah, blah, blah - get over your cheap sorry self, 'cause I assure you, everyone else has. Like bigheavyworld’s one-man compaign to prove the moderators are liars, we don’t care.
Why is it you keep starting or participatig in these Pit threads, anyway? pepperlandgirl, Hamadryad, August West, Alphagene, me. When have your tirades against these respected posters resulted in anything other than people treating you as the vile, contemptable pariah that you are? Methinks you and your therapist would have hours on end to discuss this martyr complex and desparate cry for attention that these are.
So, to sum up - you’re a scorpion-sucking, nose-picking, pubic hair-flossing, one-note troglodyte with nothing to add of any substance to this board other than a waste of bandwidth and ones and zeroes, signifying nothing. Once again, please - GO AWAY! Nobody likes you, nobody wants you around, and nobody cares about you any more than the disdain they muster for your existence.
Thank you, and goodnight!
Endnotes:
John487 - we know who you are. You’re impressing no one. Go away.
Jester - Scorpo-nuts?
A big round of applause for Fenris for filling in as last-minute warm-up act. Wasn’t he great?
For those who were asking, Eduardo the Scorpion is, indeed, passed on. I shall endeavor, however to return his dry, dessicated corpse to Monster104 at Dopetoberfest just 'cause it’ll be funny.
And, finally, a big welcome to jkusters, my housemate! (Bitch knows too much, gotta kill him in his sleep…)
[Transcripts of tonight’s performance can be obtained by cliking your “print” icon now. (c) 2001, Esprix Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved.]
Esprix
Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me. Can’t sleep, tramp will kill me.
-JOhn.
[shameless ass-licking]
Esprix, as far as I’m concerned you are IT, man. Thought you may like to know.
[/shameless ass-licking]
You got a problem with Scorpo-nuts? Huh? Cuz if you do, you’re entering a world of pain*, boy! Go ahead, just step…over…the…[sub]line[/sub]?
What? Who’d you say you were.
Eep. Sorry, sir. I…mistook you for someone else. It’s that damn beer, sir. I’ll…just go over here now.
Great flame, man. Splendid.
Brilliant riposte to the twerp that is AM/PM
Massive entity, huh? Have you considered Slim-Fast?
(d&r)
[looks around for pillow]
Esprix
::wild applause::
I’m now taking bets on what AM/PM’s response will be. Any thoughts?
Esprix
Screw my last post, now I’m just Pleased! (This does compute.)
I think my favorite part of this thread is the only person getting flamed is the freako crazy that started it. HA! Challenge Esprix? You’ve got nuts of steel, and a brain of mush.
:s/tramp/trollop/g
-JOhn.
My money is on silence.
-JOhn.
Well, I think it was worth the wait…I even got mentioned!..I feel all warm inside…ok, so its probably the vicodin, but still, excellant flame.