If you come home from work and the door is open, don’t just assume your spouse or roommate forgot to lock it and it fell open. Call the cops.
You can pick your nose, and you can pick your kid’s nose, but you can’t pick your kids.
If you resurect an old thread, the mods might spank you.
Just because it says “Jeep”, don’t assume it’s four wheel drive.
Agree on a safe word before you get started.
If the only alternative is a 40 mile hike, you can learn to weld with a car battery, a pair of jumper cables, and a coat hanger.
If it hurts so much that one of you passes out, you’re doing it wrong.
Don’t ever assume that there’s a pattern or connection between individual points in an advice post.
Peace-DESK
Put in some kind of temporary citation while you write the paper or you’ll never figure out where that thing came from when you type up the footnotes.
On your bike try to cross the street-car tracks at something close to a perpendicular. Also be careful of street paint/markings if it’s been raining-- slick stuff.
Wash the reds with your blacks in cold water.
Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.
There is a difference between 10 years of experience and 1 year of experience 10 times.
Be 
Don’t lick the wires.
And don’t chew on them, either!
Behind every silver lining there’s a cloud.
The difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup is that anyone can mash potatoes.
Give a dog a bad name and he’ll like it as well as Fido.
Help stomp out violence.
Anarchists Unite!
Don’t cross the streams.
If at first you dont succeed … introduce Mr. 2 X 4 into the equation
When he says he is not good enough for you, believe him.
Pick your arguments.
Don’t wear a shirt with a collar to a theme park in July.
Now THAT’S good advice!
Must resist…must resist…RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! REGISTER NOW
Don’t get in a fight with a pig, because you’ll both get dirty and the pig will like it
Welcome dorfl
Never antagonize customs and excise, they have long latex gloves, and know how to use them.
Make your mama proud!
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.
Oh… and always wear sunscreen.
Use small, tight circular motions.