When in doubt, whip it out.
- this post courtesy of Worldwide Computer God Frankenstein Controls
Always get the original of the videotape, and any subsequent copies.
As a kid, I liked licking popsicles and licking 9 volt batteries. This was just a combination of the two.
Considering what a misplaced decimal could do, I reccomend not conducting electrical experiments that involve your genitals.
Always carry band-aids with you. You never know when they’ll come in handy.
Shout® Wipes are worth the price.
In a pinch, you can use baby wipes in place of the Shout Wipes
Bumped threads are your friend.
Never bar your door with a boiled carrot
Beer does not make you invisible
Don’t ask for favors. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t ask me why.
Don’t disrespect the Pizza Parlour!!
Experience is something you get after you could’ve used it.
Experience is learning from your mistakes.
Wisdom is learning from other people’s mistakes.
I’ve heard you don’t want to exit the most remote bathroom at work trying to cover up an erection with a clipboard.
He seemed pretty emphatic about this. I, for one, am inclined to trust him on this… err… ummm… issue.
“Take care, even of trifles” Miyamoto Musashi, Go Rin No Sho
“Take care of all desserts” Bippy
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Take down your pants and slide on the ice.
The race may not always be to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that’s the way to bet. (Damon Runyan)
And if someone offers you a breath mint, take it.
Always look in every barrel, every crate, every dark corner, and explore every apparent dead end thoroughly.
Click on the critters 20 times or so and they explode. (I’d say 10 points for guessing the reference, but anybody who has a vague idea where my screenname comes from should be able to guess).
THERE IS NO COW LEVEL. Except in the sequel.
If you think there might be ammonia in the test tube, don’t take a big whiff.
Never be the last one in your organic chem lab group to leave - you’ll be stuck with cleaning the glassware.
“Dont you ever, ever throw a cat at me again”
Dont make friends with an educationally challenged dwarf, it’s not big and it’s not clever.
Don’t sleep in the subway, darling.
Don’t stand in the pouring rain,
Don’t shave with a ginsu knife,
Don’t wash your face with clorox.
and most importantly…
Read the entire thread before posting a joke so you don’t look like a doofus repeating something from 3 pages earlier…
and finally…
always wear sunscreen.
One can never assume the double.
And always carry a spare pair of pantyhose, especially on your wedding day.