Extremely weird sentences from the SDMB (w/out its orig. context)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

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“ I spent a year running the tongue saw at a slaughter house…”

orig. post: Unusual Job Duties - #14 by LH75

2

“Woo! I am masturbating like a mother fuck!”

"Woooo!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!"

3

“If you don’t stop to analyze the snot spray, you are missing that which is best in life.”

4
5

“I burning your dog”

6

A TV host just lost their job for saying fart nigger.

7

fatfingered doublepost

8

Band name!

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10

Some of them are weird even with context!

I really should mackdonna handheld shoehorn butterhorse.

11

It reassuring to see that some things do not change. The oldest reference to felch still is from 1972 as per wikidictionary (damned OED is subscription only and paywalled now) and @Gatopescado was then as concise and clear as he is today.
As for felching, wikidictionary even has a French entry:

felching [\fɛl.tʃiŋ](Annexe:Prononciation/français — Wiktionnaire, le dictionnaire libre) masculin

  1. (Anglicisme) (Sexualité) Pratique sexuelle consistant à lécher le sperme depuis le vagin ou l’anus de son partenaire.
  • Cette pratique, appelée le « felching », est franchement bizarre. — (Sophie Renouard-Doncieux, 96 bonnes raisons de sauter sur son homme ce soir, 2006)
12

I think this quote is accurate:

I HONESTLY DO WANT TO LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE AS A REAL DBE AMPUTEE WHO WEARS BEAUTIFUL TWIN BODY-POWERED PROSTHESES WITH DORRANCE #5X STAINLESS STEEL HOOKS!

13

I don’t have time to tell you why I hate cake but Suffice it to say that not liking cake is a very important issue you should all discuss

14

The hospital then poses the body so it looks like the head is still attached to let the parents view it.

15

Well that’s a rabbit hole I regret going down. Jesus.