Alot of people ask me ‘Were you born deaf?’ & I say, ‘Were you born hearing?’
if I don’t have a comeback I just respond with
“That was a low blow… speaking of low blow’s, how’s your mother?”
“Well, I would have gotten it done sooner, but my clone isn’t back from the lab yet!”
Once I was in a local alternative clothing store that also happens to sell some kink items. A middle-aged gentleman was purchasing some sort of leather body harness thing that had all these straps. While he was checking out, quite a few people entered the store and the gentleman started to get embarassed. He actually said to the clerk “it’s for my dog,” to which the clerk instantly responded “I know, I’ve got some nipple clamps for my dog.”
Eh, I guess you had to be there. :rolleyes:
One mom was describing a FOAF who was not a great mom.
Mom - I guess you could say she’s not a classic example of a great mother.
Me - But if she were a Traveller she’d be Mom of the Year!
(With apologies to our resident gypsy, **Cal **
Your mom!
When I was in college I hadn’t filled out yet. I was tall, lanky, and had long hair.
One of the football jocks was trying to show off in front of his friends and said, “You look effeminate.” I guess he’s just learned the word.
Without missing a beat I said, “That’s just because you look so emasculate.”
Dip shit thought it was a complement.
Once, in a band, I was trying to get the guitar player to learn some new material (why are so many musician’s inherently slackers). He was making excuses as to why he couldn’t participate like everyone else. I told him (out of spite of course) that the band was a team and there is no “I” in team (I really hate cliche’s but they can be so scathing).
To which he replied, “Go fuck yourself!”
To which I replied, “There is no ‘I’ in go fuck yourself either. But, there is one in suck my dick.” After which I promptly kicked him out and a Sig was born.
“Oh, ya? Well I had sex with your wife!”
I’m working “security” at a rock festival in western Wisconsin. This entails merely checking all bags and people for alcohol - they could imbibe it outside the gates, but inside they had to buy it from the vendors. Monkeyboy comes up to me, and the following scene ensues:
Monkeyboy: "Nothing here (patting his back), nothing here (patting his sleeves), nothing here (patting his chest) and nothing in here (pulling the waistband of his jeans forward and looking down them).
Me: <bemused, with a raised eyebrow> “Bet not.”
Monkeyboy’s friends: “She kicked Monkeyboy’s ass!”
It’s still the best comeback I’ve come up with in years. And I’m mighty proud of it.
Snicks