Holy crap! This sounds awesome! So what’s the secret here? How can I become a “Walking, Breathing Weapon Of Mass Destruction”! I don’t want to be meat on the street! :eek:
I think he’s talking about A Gun.
No, what he recommends is that you get yourself infected with the ebola virus.
For a mere $499.99, Lieutenant ‘X’ will provide you with a gun, a 16 ton weight and a tiger. You know, just in case someone comes at you with a banana.
LT X I once stopped a 6th degree black belt with just one finger
astro Wow! How did you do that?
LT X I pulled the trigger.
That scene in Indiana Jones were the master swordsman has confronted Jones in the market square just came to mind.
BANG!
I’d like to see Lieutenant X take on Chuck Norris!
mm
Its mostly headbutting and kicking people while they’re down.
I’d tell you, but then I’d need to kill you.
No, no, no, it’s poo on a stick. With some poo on a stick noone will dare attack you, you will be invincible 
(thanks Eddie Izzard)
Lt. X
Former Military Intelligence Officer
US Army Special Forces
Really…does anyone (apart from sailors) take lieutenants seriously? Guy must have been a frickin’ genius to be a former officer and have attained the mighty rank of lieutenant. Hard core, man. Hard. Core.
Give me a break, Lieutenant!! I’ve trained special ops and counterterrorist units so secretive even they don’t know who they are, where they are, or what they’re doing and I’m here to tell ya, those fancy-shmancy “martial arts” where you’re expected to actually “make contact” with your assailant - THEY’RE HOPELESSLY OUT OF DATE!!
Oh, so when he gets close to you you’re going to “hit” him in the “jaw” with your “fist?” You’re going to “kick” him in the “testicles?” Lemme tell ya, pal, when you’re on THE STREET the SPIT HITS THE FAN for REAL! What if your opponent has a snake, and the snake bites you?? What if he has no jaw or testicles?? You need to be able to KNOCK HIM DOWN - AT A DISTANCE - without touching him!! With my system - which you can learn IN SECONDS - WHILE SLEEPING - OR ON THE TOILET - OR MAYBE WHILE YOU’RE EATING SOMETHING - You will learn to knock down an opponent with INVISIBLE ENERGY just like that VIDEO GAME Street Fighter II!!
Just click below to see me IN ACTION - and watch the WHOLE THING because the GOOD STUFF is at the END!!
Knock someone down from a distance, without touching him???
This Lootenant must be a Sith Lord. COOL!!! 
i don’t know whether to call bullshit or be impressed.
maybe impressed bullshit should work.
What if he comes at you with a pointed stick?
You owe me 5 minutes and 18 seconds.
It’s pie, isn’t it?
I mean, it only takes a fraction of a second to whip out pie and by then you’ve ALREADY WON.