Except this is bullshit, at least in so far as bachelorette parties are concerned. Lots of women think Chippendales-style shows are stupid and embarrassing, and there are very few cities that actually have them, even if your raunchier bride was interested. I’ve been to my fair share of bachelorette parties, and they’ve ranged from sedate dinners to drunken pub crawls, complete with off-color jokes and dirty gag gifts (penis-shaped popsicle molds, anyone?). But the idea that a bachelorette party would include the bride-to-be – or anyone, for that matter – performing oral sex gets a big :rolleyes: from me.
Your ex was either lying to you or she needs a better class of friends. Or, possibly, both.
So you’ve been to every single bachelorette party that’s ever happened? You must be busy.
Oh wait you’re RIGHT, women NEVER do anything untoward with strange men. It’s always the MEN who are the ones who are wrong, I get it now!
It might just be a guy thing, but that doesn’t make me want to puke at all. Not that it wouldn’t be wrong, but puking isn’t the reaction I’d have.
ETA: Witnessed?
Sorry, but it’s not resolved. Your fiancée made a unilateral declaration of what can or cannot occur at a party (in which she is not attending) given by others in your honor. Will she be reciprocal and allow you to make a declaration of what can or cannot occur at a party (in which you will not be attending) given by others in her honor?
It seems to me there are some trust issues with your future wife. Perhaps if she had said something like, “I know what many strippers are really like and I don’t agree. But it’s not my place to dictate to others at a party being given in my future husband’s honor of the party arrangements. I love and trust him and know he will do the right thing, regardless of the party arrangements.” She’s not giving you the benefit of the doubt.
Ben Franklin once said, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage; half shut afterwards.” It looks like you will need to do quite a bit of squinting for a long time.
She had nothing to gain by telling me this stuff if they were lies.
A better class of friends? Based on that one paragraph you’ve determined in what class they are members? That’s quite a leap.
Think overweight, sloppy, drunken, married women grabbing and sucking strange dude’s dicks.
Yeah, witnessed. She’d get home and tell me every detail. Nasty shit.
Yeah, well, I know, it was just a, I mean, it was supposed to be, well I thought it was… never mind.
::stomps away muttering::
She tells you a very exciting story and makes herself look virtuous. People exaggerate for far less reason.
No it’s not; it’s based on what you say she said. What sort of women is she hanging out with? The sort who suck and fuck the male strippers at bachelorette parties. (Allegedly.) It’s no great leap to see that she could trade up in the friends department. Y’know, if that was at all true, which I don’t believe for a second.
Yes, that’s correct, I’ve been to every single bachelorette party that has ever been held. :rolleyes: Look, you are presenting a picture of what is commonly done at bachelorette parties that include strip club runs-- apparently based on what your slutty-friend-having ex told you – and IME that’s completel horseshit. And I think it’s safe to say I’ve been to more bachelorette parties than you. You make the very bizarre argument that men should be trusted a strip clubs and your fiancee should not be concerned about your actions and if a guy goes to one, while painting women in the same situation as basically uncontrolled tramps jumping the bones of the entertainment. The double standard bothers me. That and the fact that it sets my bullshit meter off both because it is on its face incredibule (not credible) and because it does not jibe with my own experience, or the experience of any woman I know.
I never said anything about men doing anything wrong (or not), so I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about here.
::Stands up, applauds::
Good for you. I wish both you and your fiancée all the best for you lives together; it sounds like you’ve built a good foundation.
Dudley, based on what you’ve posted here, I think your ex-wife needs a better class of friends, too. I’m not friends with people who would act like you’ve said here under any circumstances - that is nasty shit.
DudleyGarrett, I’m not saying that stuff never happens, but like Jodi, I’ve been to a fair number of bachelorette parties and I’ve never even heard of such.
Your wife is talking about married or soon-to-be-married women having sex with other men right before the wedding. That puts them firmly in the “cheating ho” class as far as I’m concerned.
Jesus. I honestly don’t think I can roll my eyes hard enough. What, your wife was just standing around watching other women suck other guy’s dicks? What, was she taking notes? Operating the video camera? And what the hell does the description of the women have to do with it? A neat thin sober single woman sucking a guys dick in front of others is okay? And after that happened the first time (“allegedly”), she went to further parties like this, why?
The whole thing sounds like complete BS.
ETA: I am not saying that nothing like this has ever happened in the history of the Earth ever, but that sort of completely nasty public behavior can only be exceedingly rare, if for no other reason than that women talk (as do men, for that matter), and only a completely stupid woman would think she could do such things one night and not be known for the rest of her life as “the girl who banged the stripper at Susie’s bachelorette party.”
I think the OP behaved entirely appropriately under the circumstances he described.
And now, I’m going to get out my soapbox on a related issue (that was not actually exhibited by the OP, I hasten to add, but rather by a number of other posters in this thread).
Why, in the name of all that’s sane and holy, do so many people seem to feel that having a modicum of consideration and respect for the feelings of the person with whom you are about to promise to spend the rest of your life with equates to being a pathetic, pussy-whipped loser? (I’m looking at you DudleyGarret, among others.)
The OP tells us his fiancee has a moral and ethical objection to stripping per se, as a result of her work experiences. She therefore would prefer he not indulge. How is this any different than my telling my husband (in fictional example) that I would prefer he not be involved with dogfighting or child porn trafficing? Both of them are things I feel are morally repugnant, and I’d rather the love of my life not be involved in things I feel are morally repugnant. This holds true even if those things are a “tradition”.
Informing one’s partner of the things that make one uncomfortable to be around is part of being a resposible adult partner, dammit. If something makes someone uncomfortable, it behooves them to inform their partner of it.
If the thought of my soon-to-be-husband being fondled by naked women squicks me out, it’s my duty to tell him so. Just as it would be his duty to inform me that my being pawed by naked men bothers him. Being honest about your feelings with your partner is (to the best of my knowledge) the single most important part of being partnered. If there’s a disconnect in your respective feelings, then how (or if, in some cases) it can be worked out is all that really matters. It sounds like the OP and his fiance had such a disconnect, and worked it out to the satisfaction of both parties. It sounds equally as though there are some posters here that feel that there is no need to consider the feelings and compunctions of one’s spouse at all, and that one should be totally free to do anything and everything they feel like doing at any time.*
Really, who the fuck cares if her feelings on the matter are reasonable or not? It doesn’t actually matter. I dare you to show me a single person whose feelings on every single issue are totally reasonable and rational (I won’t say correct, because it is an extremely rare opinion to which the term “correct” can be realistically applied - opinions, but definition, aren’t about “correct”. If you want “correct”, you want a fact.) Everyone has issues where they’re not totally reasonable or rational - it comes with being human. What matters is how the two of them deal with the disconnect between her view and his. Granted, it’s possible that she’s never reasonable about anything, and fully expects him to just roll over and agree with whatever she says on any issue - but that’s not what he said in the OP, nor the pattern he’s presented of her in subsequent posts. If she always expects him to mindlessly bow to her preference, then she’s a bitch. I seriously doubt that’s the case, though. For some reason I’ve never understood, the whole strippers-and-bachelor-parties issue is just ridiculously polarized. The prevailing meme appears to be that if the bride-to-be doesn’t care for the idea, she’s an entitled bitch who yearns for the total emasculation (whatever the fuck that even means in this day and age) of her poor sap of a groom, and, by extension that any groom-to-be who’s not into the strippers deal for his bachelor party (or, more frequently, courteously goes without strippers because the entertainment they’d provide is less important to him than the unhappiness their presence would cause his intended) must be the pussy whipped doormat of a psycho hose bitch.
Like so many memes, this is pure, unadulterated bullshit. There are a score of perfectly valid reasons to not be a big fan of your SO patronizing strippers that have nothing at all to do with the level of entitled bitchery of the bride-to-be. Many (but not all) of them have been explained earlier in this post, and I refuse to recap them for the hard-of-comprehension. There are a few equally-reasonable reasons that haven’t even been touched on (for example, some brides may object to strippers on religious grounds - and therefore reasonably expect a groom who ostensibly shares their faith to forego strippers at his bachelor party on that basis alone). It therefore is completely reasonable to discuss any reasons you may have for finding interaction with strippers distasteful with your SO and come to some sort of agreement between the two of you about strippers. (Or not, if you happen to be one who isn’t disturbed by your SO interacting with strippers - hey, not everyone is, after all - but in that case, both parties would be in agreement, so it never comes up).
And I completely wash my hands of the whole “But the bachelor party is my day! I should be able to do anything I want!” argument! Really, how childish is that statement? Let me tell you: it is precisely as childish and bitchy as the bride saying “But my wedding day is my day! I should have everything exactly the way I want it!”
*Note: subscribing to this thought pattern, in my personal opinion, makes anyone (male or female) an asshole, regardless of the issue at hand.
Oh christ, you’re annoying.
You’re assuming something based on your own myopic view of the world, and you’re too damned closed-minded to recognize your myopia. You’re ruling out that her stories are true, yet: a) you never met her, b) you were never at one of these parties, and c) you don’t know any of the people that attended these parties. Please, you’re really looking bad here. You’re also assuming that the married women getting laid in the hotel bathroom was her friend. Because someone attends the same party as you don’t make them a “friend.” Got it?
Frankly, I don’t give a shit what you believe.
Fighting sarcasm with sarcasm. Your wit is endless.
Where did I say “common?” I said it happens. It does. Period.
So what? I imagine, by your persona on here, that you and 2 of your closest (only) friends (that you met on-line) get together and bitch about men and the world’s inequities over a couple spritzers while bawling your eyes out to Beaches and you call that a bachelorette party.
I said women who perform oral sex on male strippers (among other things) are pigs. A doing the same thing with a female stripper is no better. Where did I say the latter was fine? You should probably stop assuming and projecting, your angry “womyn” side is blindingly apparent, and frankly tiresome.
This may be the most intelligent thing you’ve said in this thread.
So I read the whole thread.
This statement is the one that makes the most sense. GJ Spoons.
You actually expected me to read further than this?
I find the stories to be not credible and they do not jibe with anything I’ve ever experiences, witnessed, or even heard about. My problem with the story – where it loses veracity – is the point at which you allege this is something that ALWAYS happens when women go to strip clubs and the point at which your ex, having witnesses something so disgusting, then goes to several other parties of the same sort, only to find – to her complete dismay, of course! – that she sees the same exact thing. Those trampy women! That’s why they should be locked in the house!
I don’t need to have done any of those things to say that the story you tell does not sound credible to me, for reasons I’ve already set forth a couple of times. I don’t think it’s me that’s looking bad here.
What possible relevance could that have to the larger point, which is that things like you are recounting happen exceedingly rarely, if ever, not repeatedly much less “always”? I mean, don’t take my word for it, let’s ask around: Doper women, have you ever been to a bachelorette party that includes sucking and fucking the entertainment, in the presence of the other women no less? I mean, it’s one thing for one of the brides maids to sneak off with some guy and come back tousled, but that’s not what you’re describing here. If there are any other women for whom the parties you are describing are a common event, I will of course stand corrected.
Yes, so you say. :dubious:
Oh, ouch! Let’s not get into on-line personas, shall we? At least not until you are telling more believable stories. And if you want to insult me, take it to the Pit. I would be more than happy to follow you over.
You took the position that the OP’er’s fiance was not entitled to be concerned about his behavior in a strip club because it was a matter of trust and she needed to just trust him. The subtext of this argument is that men are trustworthy at strip clubs, which I in general agree they are. (But then, I never cast the issue in terms of trust, because the OP’er said it wasn’t a trust issue.) You then paint women who go to strip clubs as nyphomaniaical floozies boffing the help in the toilet and going down on them in public. You paint this as not an aberration – the bachelor party of Caligula’s wife – but as something that happens repeatedly or “always.” There is an implied double standard there that is bothersome.
If I’m tiring you, lay down until you get over it. I’m not angry; I’m not projecting; I just think your story sounds like BS. I don’t have to be a “womyn” to decide that.
It’s not so much that I had an expectation, as that I didnt care either way.
After thinking about this for awhile, I’ve realized I don’t care so much about what specific things my party has, but rather what the vibe is and how I feel during it. For the past year, I’ve been pinching pennies in an effort to save money and actually have some cash in case a catastrophe strikes. So first of all, I want to go out with my friends and not have to worry about money one bit. Obviously, that’s the case with just about every bachelor party.
I also want it to go on for awhile. I don’t want to worry about getting up in the morning or going back to work or the bar closing. I want to spend hours maintaining that kind of drunkenness where I am capable of walking around and carrying on conversation, but am also feeling incredibly loose, slurring my words, and generally not giving a shit about anything. I want some reason to be screaming, whooping and hollering.
Basically, I want a weekend in Vegas. But without strippers. Maybe I should just tell my friend that explicitly. 
<mod>
This started out as IMHO, and ended up Pit material.
It’s beyond saving. If you wish to discuss this further, feel free to start a new thread in the Pit.
Closed.
</mod>