I think the OP behaved entirely appropriately under the circumstances he described.
And now, I’m going to get out my soapbox on a related issue (that was not actually exhibited by the OP, I hasten to add, but rather by a number of other posters in this thread).
Why, in the name of all that’s sane and holy, do so many people seem to feel that having a modicum of consideration and respect for the feelings of the person with whom you are about to promise to spend the rest of your life with equates to being a pathetic, pussy-whipped loser? (I’m looking at you DudleyGarret, among others.)
The OP tells us his fiancee has a moral and ethical objection to stripping per se, as a result of her work experiences. She therefore would prefer he not indulge. How is this any different than my telling my husband (in fictional example) that I would prefer he not be involved with dogfighting or child porn trafficing? Both of them are things I feel are morally repugnant, and I’d rather the love of my life not be involved in things I feel are morally repugnant. This holds true even if those things are a “tradition”.
Informing one’s partner of the things that make one uncomfortable to be around is part of being a resposible adult partner, dammit. If something makes someone uncomfortable, it behooves them to inform their partner of it.
If the thought of my soon-to-be-husband being fondled by naked women squicks me out, it’s my duty to tell him so. Just as it would be his duty to inform me that my being pawed by naked men bothers him. Being honest about your feelings with your partner is (to the best of my knowledge) the single most important part of being partnered. If there’s a disconnect in your respective feelings, then how (or if, in some cases) it can be worked out is all that really matters. It sounds like the OP and his fiance had such a disconnect, and worked it out to the satisfaction of both parties. It sounds equally as though there are some posters here that feel that there is no need to consider the feelings and compunctions of one’s spouse at all, and that one should be totally free to do anything and everything they feel like doing at any time.*
Really, who the fuck cares if her feelings on the matter are reasonable or not? It doesn’t actually matter. I dare you to show me a single person whose feelings on every single issue are totally reasonable and rational (I won’t say correct, because it is an extremely rare opinion to which the term “correct” can be realistically applied - opinions, but definition, aren’t about “correct”. If you want “correct”, you want a fact.) Everyone has issues where they’re not totally reasonable or rational - it comes with being human. What matters is how the two of them deal with the disconnect between her view and his. Granted, it’s possible that she’s never reasonable about anything, and fully expects him to just roll over and agree with whatever she says on any issue - but that’s not what he said in the OP, nor the pattern he’s presented of her in subsequent posts. If she always expects him to mindlessly bow to her preference, then she’s a bitch. I seriously doubt that’s the case, though. For some reason I’ve never understood, the whole strippers-and-bachelor-parties issue is just ridiculously polarized. The prevailing meme appears to be that if the bride-to-be doesn’t care for the idea, she’s an entitled bitch who yearns for the total emasculation (whatever the fuck that even means in this day and age) of her poor sap of a groom, and, by extension that any groom-to-be who’s not into the strippers deal for his bachelor party (or, more frequently, courteously goes without strippers because the entertainment they’d provide is less important to him than the unhappiness their presence would cause his intended) must be the pussy whipped doormat of a psycho hose bitch.
Like so many memes, this is pure, unadulterated bullshit. There are a score of perfectly valid reasons to not be a big fan of your SO patronizing strippers that have nothing at all to do with the level of entitled bitchery of the bride-to-be. Many (but not all) of them have been explained earlier in this post, and I refuse to recap them for the hard-of-comprehension. There are a few equally-reasonable reasons that haven’t even been touched on (for example, some brides may object to strippers on religious grounds - and therefore reasonably expect a groom who ostensibly shares their faith to forego strippers at his bachelor party on that basis alone). It therefore is completely reasonable to discuss any reasons you may have for finding interaction with strippers distasteful with your SO and come to some sort of agreement between the two of you about strippers. (Or not, if you happen to be one who isn’t disturbed by your SO interacting with strippers - hey, not everyone is, after all - but in that case, both parties would be in agreement, so it never comes up).
And I completely wash my hands of the whole “But the bachelor party is my day! I should be able to do anything I want!” argument! Really, how childish is that statement? Let me tell you: it is precisely as childish and bitchy as the bride saying “But my wedding day is my day! I should have everything exactly the way I want it!”
*Note: subscribing to this thought pattern, in my personal opinion, makes anyone (male or female) an asshole, regardless of the issue at hand.
