Resist the guilt. It’s normal.
My MIL told my lovely wife that she was waiting for “that guy, but he keeps not coming.” My lovely wife figured out that “that guy” was the Angel of Death.
MIL also said that she was frustrated because she was trying not to eat so she’d die because she was done, but because she had dementia, she’d forget to not eat.
Don’t do this to yourself. The man you knew and loved is gone and is beyond recovery. The body in the hospital bed is worn out and tired. If there is any spark of FIL in there, he is wishing it was all over too.
You are a good person and there is nothing wrong with wanting the suffering to be over.
Paprika chicken, cheesy potato rounds, and sauteed green beans with onions and cayenne. And an Iberian martini.
Don’t. you’ve gone above and beyond. It’s not wrong to want people to not suffer.
Jane and doggio speak the truth. Let us tell you both this over and over again until you no longer need it.
As others have said better, don’t feel guilty FCM. Now, have you eaten? And rested? We don’t want to have you get sick too.
This. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of them.
I’ve done this three times with parents and twice with dear friends. I’ve felt your needless guilt and shame. What sort of evil person could wish that someone would just die and get it over with, right? If that is how your are feeling, your feelings are normal. Misguided and wrong, but normal.
Try to stop thinking with your exhausted heart and think with your memories of FIL in the before days. I know he must have been a good man, a kind person, he raised your beloved husband to be the man you choose to live your life with. Would that good and kind man want you to be ripping your heart out now, or if he could, would he hug you and tell you that everything is alright?
Also, be sure to use lots of face cream because you will be leaking and using a lot of tissues, your skin will suffer if you don’t take extra good care of it right now, plus…just taking a few minutes for self care can make a huge difference in your mood.
Up, caffeinated, and sheveled. Off to heave.
{{{{FairyChats}}}}
Good Mornin’ Y’all! Up and caffeinatin’. YAWN ‘Tis 47 Amurrkin out and partly cloudy with a predicted high of 73 and rain, but not until tonight. I think it will be just cloudy durin’ the day. The big item on today’s agenda is to take care of candle duty over to the church house this mornin’. OYKW will go with me so we can be bears who brunch at Eggs Up Grill. That will take care of the major need to feed today. Then it’s back to da cave for the usual sloth and general overall uselessness.
MOOOOOOM hospice is a good thing. They will do everything possible to make FIL comfortable and are aces with families as well. Don’t feel guilty for wishin’ this was over. I guarantee that at this point FIL wants it all over as well. That’s a good idea to explain everything to your daughter and give her the chance to say goodbye. Above all, MIL, FCD, and you need to take care of yourselves. Eat, drink, rest, and don’t feel bad to take a break. Tobester is no doubt a buddin’ genius!
Now I need more caffeine and to feed rumbly tummy. Then, alas and bother, I suppose I must needs purtify and don attire acceptable for bein’ amongst the great unwashed. Woe is me!
Happy Firday Y’all!
Maybe I’m overly practical, but I’m not the one carrying the guilt - FCD and his mom are. They both know intellectually that this is the end and he’d be better off if his suffering was over, but they don’t want to abandon hope, even tho there is none. They’re dealing with a lot - I expect the anger and frustration they directed towards him in recent weeks is part of it, too.
I’m doing fine, apart from worrying about FCD and his mom and how I can best help them. I do wish FIL would have a quick, gentle passing, preferably while he’s in the hospital. I am glad we had a nice family Christmas Eve together and he seemed to enjoy his great-grandkids. And my mind is racing ahead to stuff like - will MIL continue to stay at the apartment since BIL should be home in a week or so… And if not, what do we do about breaking the lease and moving their stuff out. Of course, I’m not initiating those conversations.
When he finally dies, there will be no service - neither of them wanted one. He’ll be cremated and after MIL dies, their ashes are to be spread in the Great Smokies National Park - that was their only request. No memorial or anything.
We’re going to stop by Daughter’s today and bring her up to speed, and maybe watch the kids so she can go to the hospital to see her grandpa if she wants. We’ll also discuss what Roxy will be told - how do you talk to a 4-y/o about death? I was 11 when my grandfather died, so I was old enough to understand. I wonder if my sister, who was 4 at the time, remembers anything about it. No matter…
I truly appreciate all of you putting up with my various rants and spewings these last few weeks - this place has been my check valve. I could get everything out without burdening my poor sweetie. And once this is over, we’re going to go away for a bit - dunno where, but somewhere there’s a quiet hotel awaiting us for a few nights.
Meanwhile, it’s been a tad warmer hereabouts with lots of sunshine. That, if nothing else, is good for the spirits.
Happy Last Firday of 2022!!
ETA: FCM I’m glad you’re thinking ahead towards a nice little getaway. Boy, have you & your sweetie earned it!
So last night, one guy on the line quit …
… right after he got fired.
Stuff happened - it involved breaks, and who told whom to take one, and yadda yadda boring nonsense. Anyway, he goes off the deep end, gets all pissy.
He was told to leave; he told us all he didn’t need this job anyway, etc. Called the manager a few choice, naughty words. Standard stuff.
Stomped off to clock himself out … then he turned around and goes, I swear … “Can I get a ride home?”
Entire back of house went silent; nobody would look at him.
One guy who’d been doing something elsewhere walks back in - has no idea what’s happening - and is suddenly accosted for a lift home. He was like, “Um … I’m working dude WTF?” until we filled him in on what just happened.
We were all, basically, “You mouthed off to the manager, we’re short handed, and now you want a ride? Call a taxi, asshole.”
He eventually informed us all that he’d simply walk home. We were all like, “Okay, whatevs man, have a nice life, go away now. We’re all extra busy 'cuz of you.”
An hour or so later, his ride showed up. I simply informed him that his acquaintance had left; he was no longer here. Wasn’t gonna go into details with some random stranger.
Oh, and then an hour or so after all THAT a lady came in irate that her pizza was burnt & wanted a replacement. Manager asks the usual, “Do you have the receipt? Where’s the pizza? When did you order it?”
She holds up her phone, shows us a photo, tells us she ordered a week anna HALF AGO and no, she doesn’t have the receipt, and she’d like her replacement NAOWWW!!1!.
Um, yeah, no. We can’t give you free food for an order you claimed you got over a week ago.
Nobody said this part till after she’d left but hell, how do we know your roommate didn’t order it burnt (some people genuinely want it that way, it’s a common order) and you snapped a photo, then wandered in a week later when you got the munchies?
Ooooh, she got mad, lemme tell you, Mumpers, when the manager flat out told her “no.”
It reeeealllly didn’t help her mood that some customers sitting & eating in the lobby started straight-up laughing at her once they caught on to what was happening. (But it made it a helluva lot funnier for us, and we were already sniggering amongst ourselves.)
One of the lobby guests even came up to us later, holding an empty plate and pretending to demand a free pizza. More laughter and mockery of our departed friend ensued.
Dinner AND a show!
Afternoon, mumpers! It’s 11c/52f with a predicted high of 12c/53f, and rain showers. Weather app says “I’m sorry to tell you that it is going to rain on your fucking nachos. Or maybe I’m not sorry”. Rain’s fine with me, I don’t plan to leave the house today.
Moooom I understand the guilt too, been there myself - felt guilty for wishing it was over, relieved when it finally was, then guilty again for feeling relieved! FCD and MIL will need to work through it for themselves but hopefully with a bit of time and distance, they’ll realise that it’s all for the best.
Explaining death to a small child is not easy because they don’t have a real understanding of the permanence of it. I read an article a long time ago that said it wasn’t advisable to say that someone has passed, or they’re lost, as that has a different meaning to a kid. Saying someone’s gone to sleep forever is scary for them too, makes them afraid of something very natural. I heard a good way to explain it all is with the life cycle of a flower, which might work with Roxy.
shoe you have the most entertaining job ever!
swampy you are definitely on the nice list, all the time 
Right…it’s time for a late lunch and an afternoon of professional-level slothage!
Good morning all. Slept well and have done one or two things already this morning, main action will be to enter my financial records on a spreadsheet I have been keeping since 2005 (why, I don’t know, it’s just something I do) and get the paperbox ready for the 2023 intake. Also will try to get my swimmin’-n-sauna routine back on track. Rain is expected this afternoon but temps should be in the 60’s, so I can handle rain.
FCM, know a bit about guilt, I was working overseas when my dad died, knew it was likely when I took the job, and I still feel a little guilty about it, but there is so much more life to be lived and a new generation to help get their feet on the ground (that is, once Toby gets to walking good) grin Best wishes to all.
Shoe, I still think you ought to submit some of those stories to the website Not Always Right, they’d fit right in and they do try to keep your information private. Knuckleheads going to knucklehead…
nellie, ugliness like that goes clear to the bone; such is life.
OK, need to find something to break my fast with (might even get dressed and go out to eat!). Everyone have a good Firday.
FCM I was 5 when my grandpa died. Grandma and Grandpa lived in Florida and we lived in Illinois so I only saw him once or twice. My parents didn’t say anything to me about him dying. I never questioned his absence and eventually knew he died and it was no big deal. My other grandma and grandpa divorced before I was born and I didn’t think it was odd that Grandma lived on East 80th and Grandpa lived in Sweden.
Not huge amounts on the agenda today, laundry is churning (decided the sheets and blanket needed attention), and cleaning the bathrooms (mirrors, counters, toilets, sinks, and more effort on the hard water/bubble bath residue on the bathtub we actually use as such), plus getting the living room and bedroom vacuumed (once it’s a reasonable time of day to do so without annoying neighbors excessively). Shouldn’t be as rough on the back as yesterday got.
Also got some reading goals that shouldn’t be hard to meet by tomorrow (couple of Scripture commentaries I want to finish in time for the new year).
Biggest attempt at a new year’s resolution this year is going to be getting more exercise, what with that pre-diabetic A1C and weight loss (what there was of that) pretty much stalled. Between that A1C and my blood pressure concerns, there really needs to be less of me.
Moooooom, the guilt that FCD and MIL will feel will be a challenge for you as well. When my mom left, it was more relief than anything. She had been dealing with dementia for ~20 years by then and she was as ready as the rest of us to see it end. Sometimes a lot of years under your belt is more curse than blessing. Anyway, hugs to you and the rest of the family.
Up, caffeinating, towels in the dryer, jeans in the wash and everything else on deck. KP and housecleaning is next and a trip to the post box to mail the cards that I didn’t get done yesterday. If the rain holds off, I’ll take Nelson to the dog park too.
Stay safe and healthy y’all!
That’s a great suggestion - I’ll pass it on to my daughter.
Sitting in the lobby of the hospital while FCD, his mom, and our daughter visit FIL. I don’t want to crowd the room and I really don’t want to see how he’s declined. It will be hard enough when they take him to the apartment. That’s my cowardice.
Good morning everyone.
It’s currently 46 and raining with a projected high of 50 and yet more rain. That’s alright, I don’t have to be anyplace today.
FCM, I’m glad there is a good plan, and I completely understand your feelings. 
When my husband’s mother passed, and the two years prior, I had many of those same feelings. We were making almost monthly trips to the hospital or ER; she wasn’t getting better, she wasn’t listening to the doctors or us, and it was just frustrating and exhausting. I was secretly relieved when she passed away and felt immense guilt simultaneously because she had been a good MiL to me.
So, after all the falderall about this stupid reorganization, my personnel action did not flow through the system, which meant my new chain couldn’t see my timecard. Supposedly, this was fixed overnight. We shall see. The time card needs to be certified today since Monday is a holiday. If no one certifies, I don’t get paid.
On top of that, HR sent me an invite for new employee orientation. I shall be skipping that. I’m not a new employee; this is just a “check the box” thing. 
The kids got a new minivan. It doesn’t have all the features their old minivan had, but it had comparable miles and is still nice for its class. So, that’s out of the way, though I’m sure they’ll miss their old van. Adam asked to use the potty the other day and produced something while on it! This is a positive step! On Christmas, he got into my pantry and closed the door so that he could poop in his diaper. He likes to find quiet places to hide and do this, and apparently, the pantry is just the ticket.
I heard back from the vet on Polar’s blood panel. Everything except his bilirubin levels looked good. The bilirubin levels are elevated, but all other levels within the liver are good, so it’s a head-scratcher. It could be a machine error or the start of something that needs consideration. I’ll go back in a couple/three weeks for a mini-panel to check those. No results on the skin test yet; those come later.
nellie, those people at the clinic sound like someone I used to work with. She retired, thankfully. Her views were so extreme that she creeped me right out, but she liked me for some reason. I told her our political views were polar opposites, and I didn’t want to discuss politics. She mostly complied with my request, but I would walk away whenever did try to start such a conversation. I don’t understand why people like that must be so nasty to others.
butters, enjoy the cruise! I also completely empathize with your feelings regarding your company. I was talking with my budget analyst about hiking around the area. He’s an avid hiker, and I was talking about how much I missed it because I haven’t gone nearly as often as I would like. The reason is that my family freaks out about my going alone. He said there are lots of lady groups that go hiking. I told him that I knew that but that I preferred to hike alone because I could go as slow or fast as I liked, stop to take as many pictures as I liked, and was just perfectly content with the quiet and solitude. No one in my family gets that. I like solitude.
Our conversation then wandered to how crowded Mount Rainier National Park had become. It makes me sad because I feel like it’s being loved to death. I’m not a fan of the Instagram folks trampling the meadows to get pics of wildflowers and destroying other habitats. They park in areas they shouldn’t either. And, selfishly, I miss being able to hop in my rig and drive up without worrying about finding a spot to park so I can hike. Now, you need to get there well before sunrise; even then, some areas are completely full. It’s ridiculous. That park is a jewel to be treasured.
FCM, I just saw your latest comment. It’s not cowardice. I think it’s a measure of respect because I’m sure the man he used to be would not want people to see him in his current state.
OMG, I need to be on the lookout… Except for now, Tobias just stops where he is to fill his britches. Classy kid!
Happy Friday!
It’s already in the 50s, so going to be nice weather, if nothing else.
My son got off irk at 115am, so I am feeling tired.
We skipped the park, I wasn’t up to it and I had to call the vet at 7am to get Ripple an appointment. That took until 730, as I was on hold for a while. By the time I would have gotten to the park, everybody would be leaving.
I am very worried about the wound, it’s been about 5 weeks now. It’s puffy around the edges so I wonder if it needs to be drained.
He’s not acting sick, everything is normal, except for the stinky hole in his leg.
Taters, I get liking solitude. I used to love to trail ride by myself, and sometimes hike by myself. Running into a rapist changed the hiking part for me, I was lucky I had a friend with me and between the two of us, we got away from him.
The more stressed I get, the more I need alone time.
There is a mountain in WV we used to go to when I was a kid. We’d climb up on the rocks, or pick huckleberries. The state stepped in and made it an official park and tourist attraction. It’s not the same.
We have to pick up groceries at 2, and then Ripple has to be at the vet by 320. It will be a bit of a squeeze, but we can do it. Our groceries are already ready, so we’ll get there a bit early. If I time it right, I can wait with Ripple in the truck while my son unloads the groceries and then head straight to the vet. I can pick up Cerby’s pills while I’m at the vet. I may swing by CVS to pick up my prescription too. Or maybe not, it’s out of the way, but once I’m out, I may just do everything.
I guess I should count my blessings in a way. My father’s death was quick, heart attack, and my mother didn’t linger long in a bad state.
Busy today. But it’s gonna be a very short day tomorrow, since they are only doing the Next Day Air. So I should have almost 3 days off in a row. Also, I stopped ad picked up Gordie’s ashes from the vet.