…huffing toluene.
While in a solvent-induced stupor…
I started posting in this thread, and now look where it’s got me!
My sister’s birthday is today, but ____________
Of course she’s not taking my calls. No gift from me.
So , next Christmas I expect_______.
… a lump of coal, and that’s only if she’s feeling generous.
The only good thing about family squabbles is …
… you save a lot of money of gifts.
Last night I dreamt …
Of a Christmas in the great north. Got snowed in, starved and died. Oh well, it started out good.
In my winter wonderland things_______.
60’F.
The whole universe was. . .
. . . filled with wonder.
Throwing caution to the wind, I ________________
jumped his bones. So the pharmacy was sold out of condoms? When am I going to be in Haiti again.
All your base. . .
Are belong to banks.
Reverse mortgaging all my base…
…are a good idea (and you trust Fonzie, don’t you?).
It was the best of times…
it was the wurst of times.
So I left the German sausage factory, thinking to myself, "Self, _______________________
… that’s it. I’m going vegetarian.
So I headed for the supermarket’s produce section, where …
I found only bacon-flavored rutabagas and steak-flavored carrots.
Frustrated, I demanded to speak to the manager, and told her, "___________________________
“It’s my sister’s birthday today, and I need some nonmeat flavored zucchini, Brussels sprouts would work, too.”
She looked at me and replied…
…“You said Brussels sprouts. I want to have your baby.”
“I’ll bet you even know…”
“How on earth an ant breast feeds?”
“Recently actor Tom Arnold was arrested for…”
dancing poorly in a bowling alley.
You mentioned Brussels sprouts and it makes me feel so sexy I think we should…
Grow some. The future looks bright.
I put on my shades and went______.
to find a quiet corner of the produce aisle so you could ravish me there.
Whenever I find a couple really enjoying themselves in the produce aisle, I _____________