…, I simply make it up as I talk for three or four hours.
Writing it down would …
An exercise in humility.
When I feel humble I am______.
just confused about how awesome I really am.
I need to mow the yard, but…
My neighbor keeps calling the cops on me for cutting his grass.
Ahhh, a beautiful sunday, the perfect time to…
. . . take a nap in a hammock in the sun.
What I’ll do instead is ___________________
… play some golf, since I don’t have a hammock.
The golf course should be in good shape, since …
Only white people are allowed on the premises.
It’s only fair to stuff yourself by cleaning your plate because there are people in poor countries who____.
would do the same.
I don’t care for Sunday nights because…
… they just remind me that Monday is coming.
Thursday nights, however, are great because …
That’s the night we get our 15 minute phone call!
Unfortunately, being locked up in a mental ward means I don’t have anybody to_____.
bake me cakes.
One time I was very scared because…
They let us in the kitchen to cook (there were knives).
I love to eat when someone else________.
eats more than me.
I should go to bed, but…
Kate Upton is demanding I ravish her in the produce aisle instead.
I swear, if that girl doesn’t leave me alone, _________
…there will be death…by snusnu!
A shattered pelvis…
…I’ll let my gut back out and remove the softpacks.
If I could accomplish just one thing this coming week, it would be…
Is the punishment God doles out to those who engage in deviant sex.
Have you stopped beating your____?
I’m not sure where we are, as there seems to have been some confusion, so I will go with this:
… to play my usual Wednesday afternoon golf game.
Peace and quiet on the course are only interrupted by …
…ninjas stealth murdering the caddies.
Have you stopped beating your…
Dog? I am telling on you.
I am a tattletale, unless ______.