…throw a bitching kegger.
Cheap beer never…
…me laid.
Maybe I should…
Stick to wine like a clinging vine.
The next morning______.
… you’ll realize that wine was not a good choice either.
Maybe you should just …
…move straight to meth addiction and REALLY have some stories to tell at Thanksgiving.
Mashed potatoes taste best when they have…
Been cooked by anyone other than myself.
I like being catered to and________.
…Parmesan cheese mixed in.
The worst thing about “farm-to-table”. . .
…is that it can be expensive at times.
How can a man cheat…
… at cards, when all players at the table are also cheaters?
It is so hard to make a dishonest living nowadays that …
…honesty is considered cheating.
'Twas brillig. . .
and those damn slithy toves really irritated the hell out of me, so I stomped all over them.
Skipped earlier:
I like being catered to and________.
…hang the expense.
Lewis Carroll asked me to dine, and…
… I was glad that it was a dinner invitation, instead of one for a tea party.
Just glad that I didn’t encounter the Cheshire Cat, because …
…I’m more of a Cheshire Dog person.
Using a flamingo as a mallet…
really makes the feathers go flying.
One time a psychic told me…
…I’d have two sons. She was wrong.
The story you have just seen. . .
…is true. And by true I mean false. It’s all lies, but they are entertaining lies. And in the end, isn’t that the real truth? The answer is no.
I’m Leonard…
Nimoy’s nephew’s son’s third grade teacher; I have a pocket full of red Lifesavers.
The elephant wandered dangerously close to…
…forgetting where the burial ground was.
But she found it but realized…
… that without headstones, she had no idea where her family plot was.
So, she left her flowers in the middle, and …