harshly-worded letter to the White House.
I don’t why I even bother writing those anymore; ______________________________
I never learned to write and the president never learned to read.
At the time of his death…
my great-grandfather Jacob was so old that he farted dust.
On the other hand, my great-grandmother Eunice _______________
…died of dysentery on the Oregon trail.
The bodies were found…
Half eaten, they were a party of Donners you know.
When I prepared dinner________.
nobody ate the splayed hobo scrotums.
Step number 7 is to…
…is to try to hide the shock on your face.
When I stutter though an explanation…
…it means The Voices are loudest in my head.
If you inject a t-rex egg full of crack…
You fly to heaven (or hell).
In my afterlife I discovered_________.
… that it was a lot different than Sunday school had led me to believe.
While driving home from work today, I saw …
A hitchhiker from way down south, with a sign saying: “can y’all give a gal a ride?”
When I got in the car_____________.
A man kiss another man.
Don’t you eat that yellow______.
ETA: Dammmit. AGAIN Beck! 
Flower.
Sorry, Ambivalid, I am as quick as a_____.
… race car with a nitro boost.
Speaking of racing, I once saw a racehorse …
…take his sweet time peeing.
I always bet on the horse that…
is the least hung. Less air resistance.
A horse is a horse of course unless…
it’s not.
The last time I had pizza…
Was in a Mexican eatery.
On the pizza was___________.
a bunch of red peppers, some ground beef and about thirty miniature sombreros made of shredded cheese.
It wasn’t what we’d ordered, so of course we told the waiter _______________
We hoped he died a slow, torturous death.
Online nudes of Hillary Clinton have been______.