a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Of course, I love doing shots because
… because–no, wait, I know this–well, I guess I have so many that I can’t remember why I love doing shots.
Of course, the other problem is …
Shots hurt. In so many ways.
I think I messed up the______.
… game.
No, Beck, you did just fine. Just remember to …
wear your own cup. Don’t ask to borrow mine.
Full contact alcoholism can be a fun hobby i you…
… remember the the glasses you wear and the glasses you drink out of are different things.
I’m thinking back to the time I got confused and put my reading glasses in the dishwasher–it was …
Eyeopening and blinding at the same time.
Next time I am going to go_______.
… to a bar, but without my glasses.
After all, at a bar, I don’t need to …
Look like Buddy Holly.
The next time I take a small plane to____.
… Calgary, it won’t be the middle of winter.
Walking across the apron to board when it is 30-below is …
A walk in the park for POLAR BEARS!
When it thaws, I’ll _________.
…make a slush bear.
Those things are more rare than…
… a snowball in hell.
And speaking of snow …
I’m dreaming of a White Christmas.
The dream is______.
…more appropriately scandal-free Christmas.
My scandal that I’d like to forget was when I …
… did that thing that was reported in the supermarket tabloids.
You recall, I’m sure, when it was reported that I …
Sold maple syrup on the black market. To area 51.
The aliens I met were______.
… very nice and polite.
Though I became a little unsure when …
…each of them morphed into Mike Pence clones.
You know the real Pence because he…
Looks like a Stepford man.
I politely asked to______.