… a Turnip Twaddler! I ordered within ten minutes, and got two Turnip Twaddlers for the price of one!
Infomercials should be …
Longer. Some people need more convincing.
RonCo products have always______.
…competed with Oxyclean as the most scientifically correct commercials that television has ever seen in the history or the world.
Why last month, I beat my own record and filled my house with purchases of….
Chia pets. They are wonderful.
My pets are all_______.
… difficult to clean up after, though.
Whoever thought up the chia pet should be …
…subjected to seeds in his ears.
I’d like to see a chia pet of…
… Dwayne Johnson.
I saw him in “Walking Tall,” and …
And I bumped my head.
The theatre was obviously built for_______.
…people who don’t search for treats on the floor.
In fact, during a showing of A Hard Day’s Night, I found…
… that the snack bar was only selling Beatles merchandise.
I didn’t need that, when all I wanted was …
A rolling stone.
I can’t get no_____.
… cable service that gets me the channels I want without giving me a bunch that I don’t.
Honestly, I wish …
I had a daughter named Honesty, to go along with my other daughters, Truth, Charity and Patience.
If you had four daughters, maybe…
You’d also own a drama meter, cause you’re gonna need it.
I read ‘Liitle Women’ at a time when____.
… there was nothing good on TV.
I liked the part where …
they correctly spelled the word “Little.”
People who nitpick about spelling should…
leave the rest of us alone.
I once knew a mathematician who was on his way to a seminar…
In a liitle clown car.
His long division was too long for the liitle_______.
people, who liitle knew that a particular word would be misspelled yet again.
Meanwhile, in Paducah, Kentucky, the…
People aren’t similar to people in Peoria, at all.
Back in the boonies we_______.