His dog needed grooming.
The poodle cut______.
… nothing, because his paws couldn’t hold the scissors.
The poodle then decided to …
give up on his plans to become a mohel.
Rabbi Weinburg liked my matzo ball soup but…
But not my shiksa wife.
The wedding was_______.
… one of the most, shall we say, interesting I’ve ever attended.
For instance, at one point, the best man …
Laughed out loud at the vow, ‘til death do we part’.
Because he knew_______.
… it would end in divorce in six months, tops.
There was more laughter to come at the reception when …
the bride threw her bouquet.
You might have thought
She was trying out for the big leagues.
Whacked her Gramma right in the______.
… corsage.
But Grandma, ever the trouper, picked up the bouquet and …
threw a Hail Mary pass across the reception hall.
It was caught by
The doorman.
He promptly took it_______.
and ran 43 yards for the touchdown.
The damn ref, though, who must’ve been blind or something…
… disallowed the TD because he said the end zone wasn’t where the doorman ran.
As a result, the wedding guests …
all ran for the buffet table, grabbing and eating or drinking anything in sight.
It got so crazy that…
A food ensued. Fun was had by all!
After hours the_______.
… staff looked at the mess and agreed that they were getting out of the reception hall business.
Instead, they decided the premises would become …
an elaborately-decorated shrine to American actor and recurring Doper meme Orson Bean.
Bean, reached for comment by TMZ, said, "…
"… I thought I was pretty much forgotten.
But I’m glad to receive this honor, because …"
it serves as an important reminder that I still have a vital role to play in American pop culture, or if not that, at least on high-end Internet message boards."
His Holiness the Pope, reached for comment in Rome, burped politely behind his hand and said, "…