started getting seriously weird.
We were all surprised when my grandmother’s head…
…stopped swiveling, as we were certain that the exorcism had failed!
So we all sat down to Christmas dinner, when…
The neighborhood creep knocked and_______.
… asked for a Three Musketeers, and a ball point pen, one of those combs there, a pint of Old Harper, a couple of flashlight batteries and some beef jerky.
Needless to say, we …
Shooed him away.
Because I really wanted to keep____.
that beef jerky, even though I noticed a few mold spots and what looked like some yak fur stuck to it.
Yak fur, surprisingly enough, is…
… rather tasty.
The problem comes in harvesting it, when …
…forget your dart gun.
Dart guns, by the way, also come in handy when…
… competing in the dart tournaments that ESPN shows when they have nothing else to show.
The strangest thing that ESPN ever showed, though, was …
…the 2005 record-setting 43-Man Squamish World Championship match held in Stanstanistan City, Stanstanistan.
The most thrilling moment…
Came when squash was thrown in protest.
They were protesting the______.
… foul called on the field by the umpire, who (as anybody who knows the rules knows) has no power after play begins.
But 43-Man Squamish has nothing on Calvinball, where …
…the outcome was pre-destined.
Nevertheless,…
… it was fun to play anyway.
And if you played it in the rain, then …
Mud wrestling was fun afterwards.
I just put on a white shirt when______.
… I play in the snow, because it makes me harder to see.
But now that summer is coming …
…I bought a ticket to attend the sunrise matinee on June 21 of “Sumer Is Icumen In (Lhude Sing Cuccu)”, annual production of the Blawnox Crop Circle Choir, led by noted Medievalist Orson Bean.
But little did I realize,…
… that Bean wouldn’t be able to make it, and that Arnold Schwartzeneggar would be taking his place.
When we got to the part where the cuckoo sings, Schwartzeneggar …
Burped out a little tune.
He was loudly____.
… applauded for his performance.
He simply smiled and said …