Cocoa puffs.
When my Cocoa puffs are all gone I _____.
… go to the store and buy some more.
Speaking of cereal mascots, does anybody remember …
Insulinny Needle, mascot of “Sugary Sugar Flakes (‘Now With More Sugar!’)”?
I’m trying to get healthier now, so…
… I’m eating “Kale Flakes.”
Man, talk about eating …
And I always go watch Food network.
It’s similar to dieting because_____.
… they stress how unhealthy you’re currently eating (which makes you feel bad), then show you how to make something healthy, using expensive ingredients, and hours of prep time in order to produce something that tastes like …
…deep-fried gator on a stick, aka, “chicken.”
Chickens, BTW, …
… are something I’d rather not discuss, as I’ve prepared them for the slaughterhouse.
One of the problems of having a buddy who has a livestock farm is …
Yeah, no. This is not fun. I’ve been to too many animal kills on the farm. Let’s change things up.
Today, I bought gas and …
…and a stuffed animal. I glued it to my hood.
A cop pulled me over, took a gander at my hood ornament and said…
“Why a duck?” in the worst Chico Marx impression I’ve ever heard.
And let me tell you, I’ve heard plenty of…
Bad impressions coming from my own mouth.
My, Judy,Judy,Judy sounds like______.
…a steam locomotive.
But then, you have to expect the occasional…
Hiccup.
When I eat raw beets______.
…I put straws in my ears.
When I eat raw pigs feet…
I always wear my hair in pigtails.
I never get used to the derision that______.
… was heaped upon me when I stated that food tastes better depending on how I’ve done my hair.
But it’s true; if I braid-and-bun it like Princess Leia, then beef noodle soup tastes like …
Jabba the Huts bad breath smells.
A long, long time ago, in a _______.
… Ford Galaxie that is now far, far away in my memory–
Well, that story would be inappropriate, but I do recall the time when my buddies and I used that Galaxie to …
the ice cream shop.
When I dropped my rocky road…
…everyone asked me how I’d managed to pick up a road in the first place.
I told them it was easy, I just …