…I burnt the drifter’s pancreas.
For 2 bucks, I would…
Write you a poem. Not a good poem, but still…
I went a beat-nik coffee house and_______.
…asked for directions to the nearest bar.
Anál nathrach,
orth’ bháis’s bethad,
… And that’s what I said in an Irish pub, after imbibing far too many pints.
As a result …
I followed a Leprechaun to a pot o’ gold!
I went shopping with gold and__________.
Bought 3 magic beans.
When planted, the beans…
sprouted really fast-growing stalks that poked me right in the eye. Now I’m gonna sue that magic-bean salesman for every penny he’s got!
Magic-bean salesmen, as a rule, ___________
Are blind.
The salesman’s seeing-eye dog_________.
was a Shih Tzu wearing a bow tie and argyle socks.
In his brief case…
… the Shih Tzu had an extra bow tie and an extra pair of argyle socks.
The salesman, on the other hand, was carrying …
…pamphlets describing the features of the toilet of the future he was selling.
Halfway through his pitch…
I needed to take a peepee, so I excused myself.
When I came back into the Parlor_________.
…he was lying face down in a pool of his own blood next to a broken candlestick.
To solve the crime…
… I invited all the famous detectives I could think of.
The only ones to take me up on my offer were …
…Hercule Poireaux and Data, dressed up as Sherlock Holmes for hijinks in the holodeck.
When I saw just what kind of “hijinks” Data was up to, I…
Left the scene rather quickly.
Dr. Watson met me running out the door and said________.
I’m positively certain, Mrs. Peacock had something to do with this.
When we get the results of the lab work…
… we will know for sure whether it was Mrs. Peacock or Professor Plum.
Still wondering, though, about the murder weapon, which …
I thought was the letter opener I found under the chair.
When I went to retrieve it, I found_________.
Judge Crater’s business card, Amelia Earhart’s last flight plan and a photo of a Yeti holding yesterday’s issue of The New York Times.
Every time I read The New York Times, _____________________