Oh, no. I’m improvising!
One of my general maxims that I apply in situations like this is: “Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity.” (Even when you know damn well it’s malice.)
The thing to do is explain to him sweetly that his hand may have inadvertently brushed against your leg, and he might want to be more careful as he certainly wouldn’t want anyone to consider his accidental contact an improper advance.
But why am I bothering to talk to you, you have a boyfriend.
A slightly more brutal version of tomndebb’s solution.
Your hand on his, as if you’re interested.
Then, slowly and subtly, take hold of the little finger. Then, with a sharp wrench, bend it backwards until it breaks or pops out of its socket.
The burden is now on him. He can make a scene and expose his actions, or he can shut up and crawl out of the hot-tub to nurse his well-deserved injury.
as the host of the party in question i would like to put in my two cents on this matter.
yes, this couple swings. i have known them for 3 years and they have a happy healthy relationship. he’s not a creepy sleazy guy. he absolutely adores his wife and she feels the same way about him. they just happen to be a bit adventurous and sometimes like to include a third party. this in no way excuses his behaviour in the tub but maybe it helps explain things a little bit?
however, i was really upset to learn that he had acted so inappropriately in my hot tub. here’s my question for you guys. do i tell his brother (my boyfriend) what happened? i don’t want to embarass october or turn this into a huge issue (the couple is moving to a different state at the end of the month and i doubt that there will be many oppurtunities for them to interact with my friends again) but at the same time, what if something DOES happen again?
i didn’t find out about any of this until tonight and am unsure of what to do from here.
One word for you.
“Hatpin” (or is that two?).
Good sharp stab with one of those in the right place and you can get your point across and remain a wellbred southern belle!!!
Well, in this case I’m sure it’s appropriate to mention it to the brother/boyfriend, keeping October’s name out of it. Like this:
“Darling, do you think you might tell your brother that not everyone in a hot tub is a swinger? I’ve had several (hey, two is several…really…) of our female guests complain about being groped by him. We might have him over again or not, but he really ought to know that there are people who would gleefully cripple him for that.”
I’m all for this approach, and quite frankly, I don’t understand why it doesn’t work either. Unfortunately, statistically this approach seems to work only a very small fraction of the time, with a much larger fraction of these advances resulting in a smacked face, thrown drink, or similar action. You can see how this is then doubly ineffective, as by the time the approach is successful, the amount of abuse endured makes you too exhausted to have sex.
So what is a guy to do if he only wants sex? We can’t straight out and ask for it, because you get offended, but then we can’t beat around the bush (pardon the expression) either, because you get offended, and we can’t fake interest in you/a relationship/anything beyond tomorrow morning and then come clean, because you get offended.
I don’t see an evident solution.
Pedro and I are kindred souls.
My true love related this to me. We were at a convention a couple of weeks ago. While she was waiting for me to arrive she was coversing with a couple of fellas. She was dressed in a frilly top that is a little on the seductive side. She likes the way she looks in, and so do I.
One of the fellas said “What kind of fabric is that?” and actually reached out and touched the shoulder strap on it. My true love recoiled and said “Excuse me??? What are you doing??” The fella looked embarrassed and apologized, which she accepted. He said he simply wasn’t thinking.
Here’s the thing. This kind of forwardness always bothered my GF, but only due to her work on herself in the program (NA) was she able to assert her boundaries in a clear way. In the past, she says she would have been offended, but wouldn’t have said anything and wouldn’t know how to, much like the OP.
Now, not only did she stand up for herself, but she taught this fella (also in the program) that you just can’t put your hands on people, that the fact a woman is dressed sexy is not in any way an invitation. And by allowing him to apologize, he was able to save face and maybe leaned something.
Hell, yes, you should mention it to his brother. Or to him, whichever you prefer. Tell either or both of them that groping the other guests is inappropriate and unappreciated, and if this behavior is repeated, it will be the last time he ever sets foot in your home. Being a relative does NOT give someone carte blanche to upset you and your friends in your own home.
Quite right. The appropriate response to unwanted and unwelcome physical contact is to conceal the extent to which it is unwelcome until you are able to inflict some painful injury by way of discouragement… preferably under circumstances that will make it impossible for you to suffer retaliatory violence.
Sheesh. And people wonder why I’m not in favour of issuing all chicks with guns. :rolleyes:
Being from the South, yes October is completely right. You do not make a scene in front of other people. This is what we are taught from birth. Rough, unladylike, etc. behaviour is totally unacceptable. But that is changing, especially with the hords of northerners migrating. We’ve always been able to hold our own, just in unseen ways, I would have definitely just calmly took his hand and bent his finger back. But what is lacking in the explanation here is that Southern women don’t expect to be treated that way. It’s called manners. So yes, it was a shock, and not enough recovery time to act. It’s easy to say what we would have done, but the shock factor has to be considered. Not to say that southern men are perfect, but the majority would know better. Not to say they wouldn’t do it, but they weren’t brought up that way by MOST southern families. And to be perfectly honest, no, I probably wouldn’t say anything more about it, since the people are moving. If there was a chance in the future of this happening again, then yes, maybe I would. But from what the hostess says, that is a remote possibility. We are learning.
I was under the impression that swingers - the well-behaved ones, at least - generally tried to be more tactful about the ways in which they tried to include someone else in their group. Perhaps getting into “wild things you’ve done when tipsy” conversations and leading the topic towards swinging, that sort of thing - just to get an idea of how receptive someone might be towards the idea. Groping two different women’s legs in a hot tub doesn’t really fit that description. If I were you, I might try to very tactfully say that a couple women were rather out of sorts after the party, and that any attempted pickups should probably be done more subtly or through any swingers’ groups that might be out there.
Well, that’s what you get for losing the “civil” war.
[sub]I’m such a card[/sub]
originally posted by Fuji Kitakyusho
Call an escort service? 
Maybe he and his wife are swingers, and that was his way of finding out whether or not you were as well…
Maybe he and his wife are swingers, and that was his way of finding out whether or not you were as well…
Either that, or he’s just a pig.
Sorry, I really did not mean to post twice.
I didn’t think the first one went thru because it was…taking…SO…looong…
When did you start your post, bittersweet? It was revealed that they are a swinging couple a little while back in the thread. 
damn carpetbaggers…
sorry, that was in reference to this quote: