Fuck you, too, Diane!

The BBQ Pit
1

So I’m going through my e-mail, and what to my eyes should appear but a little message entitled:

“Diane thought you might have erectile dysfunction!”

And the message is all about this African wood or whatnot that works like Viagra, yadda yadda yadda.

I didn’t really pay attention to the message, because I was just too goddamned pissed off. I only know one Diane, and that’s the poster on this message board. You goddamned motherfucker- how did you kn… er, what makes you think that I have problems like this? Jesus Christ, are you telling everyone about this? I mean, crap, I’m getting this message about it from someone at yahoo that I’ve never heard of before, and sure, it’s some sort of helpful thing if I had the problem- which I don’t, let’s be clear about that- what the fuck? Are you IMing everyone “John Corrado can’t get it up!” Good Lord, woman! What did I ever do to you?

I try to be a good moderator. I fix people’s code, I close threads that need it, and move threads that should be elsewhere. And this is what I get? Snickering comments about erectile dysfunction? Fuck you all!

[sub]Every time I get a ‘personalized’ piece of spam, I wonder how many relationships have been damaged or even ruined because of the assumption that it’s actually a real message. And I’m not sure whether that’s really depressing or really funny. Fucking spammers.[/sub]

2

So… so… . now we can’t share that night of wild uninhibited passion? :frowning:

3

Diane also thought I might have erectile dysfunction, which is pretty odd considering that I’m a girl :eek: and have a girly name on the hotmail account to which that particular spam was spent. :smiley:

4

Of course we can, oldscratch; ED is something that’s never happened to me before.

5

What, just the one time?

6

Do you use hotmail? I do. And I got a message from Diane about ED.

Fuck you, too, Diane.

7

Well, I don’t recall if it was Diane or not, but yeah, someone was concerned I had erectile dysfunction as well.

I also want to send in for one of those “Enlarge your penis!” things, because hey, it’s guaranteed! So what if I don’t have a penis? I saw it on the Internet, it MUST be true.

:rolleyes:

8

Hey, Rasa, you should go for that Penis Enlargement. Because, as everyone knows…

It’s awfully nice to have a penis
It’s frightfully good to have a dong
It’s swell to have a stiffy
It’d divine to own a dick!

(On a different note… I’ve yet to get one of those ED E-mails, and dammit, I need one… Viagra just doesn’t do anything for me anymore)

9

Wait, you mean Ed has erectile disfunction too?

And, Diane, I thought we agreed not to talk about that…like I explained, I was drunk and tired, and…<sees everybody staring and sneaks away>

10

John, you didn’t read the email carefully, did you?

The truth is that someone else was concerned that you might have ED.

Diane, it turns out, is the cure.

11

Hey, I got it too! Er, I mean the spam.

12

<beavis> he said AFRICAN WOOD!!! bwahaaaaa </beavis>

13

What the fuck!!!

I am DIANE ferhellsake, and I got the exact same e-mail called "Diane thought you might have erectile dysfunction". I figured that someone forgot to put the “,” between “Diane” and “thought”. Try being ME and getting an e-mail from yourself claiming to have erectile dysfunction! It has freaked me right the fuck out! I keep running to the bathroom and looking for a penis that isn’t there, or :::gasp::: shrivelled up to a limp little nub with no hope of getting erect! :eek:

FUCK!

If anyone wants this “Diane” to spread the message of their ability to . . . . expand. . . . you have my e-mail address. My machine reads JPEGS and MPEGS quite well.

Person to person presentations by appointment only.

14

Hey guys, check out the gnarly new sig.

May I use it Manny? :smiley:

15

I also am the proud recipient of this particular bit of spam.

What I don’t get, though, is the whole cost thing. If I wanted a longer penis, I’d scrape together twenty bucks and buy a new one.

Seems more practical than deforesting Africa…

16

heh.

Now that should be a sig line!

17

It’s all yours. We’ll work out suitable, uh, compensation later. :wink:

18

sigh

I wish I would get an email about erectile dysfunction.

all the cool people did. :: kickin’ dirt :: This must be a part of the SDMB Cool People Clique that I don’t get to be in.

shoot.

Hey Diane…how did you feel when you initially saw this thread title? A little scared? I would have been.

jarbaby

19

My dad subscribes to Men’s Health, and now gets all these really embarassing ads in the mail. My mother almost died when the ED ad came in the mail-no brown wrapping or anything. Nice.

20

jarbaby, I ain’t cool neither… nobody thinks I have erectile dysfunction. Although I have had many offers regarding the enlargement of my penis, and assorted “hot, wet, teenaged girls” frequently contact me regarding their portfolios.