How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
A blind date.
How did Helen Keller burn her ear?
Answering the iron.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mouse?
elephant mouse sine(theta)
What’s Helen Keller’s favorite color?
Corduroy.
She couldn’t have heard the phone ringing, but a/an […]* could.
*Insert favorite maligned minority/ethnic group.
How do you burn his/her other ear?
Ring him/her back.
Cannibal in a pizza joint:
“Make me one with everybody.”
Cannibal 1: Your wife makes great stew!
Cannibal 2: Yeah, I’m gonna miss her.
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
Abacus broke? 
Who’s the leper patient in the hot tub?
It’s Stu!
Q: What’s the opposite of formaldehyde?
A: Casualdejekyll.
What’s a leper in a blanket called?
A burrito.
What’s a leper at a party called?
Bean dip.
What’s a leper in a hot tub called?
Soup.
What’d the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
How’d Helen Keller burn her fingers?
Reading a waffle iron.
Why’d Helen Keller’s dog run away?
She named him “Mgghwhgmmph.”
Why are Helen Keller’s pants yellow?
Her dog’s blind too.
What’s blue and sticky?
Smurf semen.
Q: What’s “Endless Love”?
A: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
The Bat-Room.
Hear about the new corduroy pillowcases?
They’re making headlines!
Old joke -
Q. What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
A. Christopher Walken.
What kind of wood doesn’t float?
Natalie.