I have this odd urge to say, “Ding!” after I hear a one-liner. Even post it in threads. I don’t know why.
The Paradox of our Time
by George Carlin
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years.
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space.
We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.
We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever,
but have less communication.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom;
a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight,
or to just hit delete.
George Carlin
Wishing all you at the SDMB Happy Xmas and a GREAT 2000 and beyond!
Because the last thing a squirrel wants to hear is a bear saying “Mmmmmm, sticky squirrels.”
The yellow gapmaker chewed enviously at the forlorn wallpaper. “What friends have the suspicious flyswatter to bask involuntarily?” he asked posthumously. Cigarettes waited for a historic cheese wheel. Obviously, they wrote “sesquicentennial” repeatedly on the Buick. The fellow with a velvet forehead sang of first-fruits and doggy-doo, while twirling mustachioed wrestlers like sausages. “Why must meter maids afix toothbrushes to cantaloupes?” he replied inflammably. The favorable sneakers denied hamburgers to the faded winemakers. “Carbouretor,” they chanted. “Carbouretor.”
And that, my friends, is MrK’s random word association exercise for today.
Mr. K’s Link of the Month:
I have it in a little jar; in my room.
You must first provide the aardvarks.
{whispers}Tell no one.{/whispers}
Save The Endangered Jackalope! Send Cash Now! If You Do This, I Will Use The Cash To Save Any Jackalope That I Happen To Find! Send Cash Now! Before It’s Too Late! My Bills, I Mean The Jackalope’s Bills Are Due The 15th Of The Month!
This has been a message from the Illuminated Committee To Save The Jackalope. Fnord.
kellibelli: Stan A. That’s funny stuff.
Everybody go check out kellibelli’s link to see some posts by yer pal, Stan A.
I told my hairstylist that I bleached my hair myself at home 3 times then tried to color it (all in one week) and now it’s so fried that it’s literally breaking and it has a weird green cast. When I told her I wanted a perm she wouldn’t do it! Should I go yell at her manager about how dumb she is and demand that I get a perm anyway? What if she says that she agrees with the stylist? Can I still pitch a holy fit?
MaryAnn
No, stupid, it’s a boat!
What does God’s penis smell like?
This is HDTV, it has better resolution than the real world - Fry
I AM TYPING THIS IN ALL CAPS BEACAUSE I CAN SO NOBODY BETTER SAY IM SHOUTING. NOW WHAT IF A GUY BOUGHT A WATERMELON AND SCOOPED OUT THE INSIDE AND TOLD HIS KIDS THIS IS THE BAD PARTAND THREW IT AWAY AND THEN HE MADE A JACKOLANTERN OF THE OUTSIDE. DOES ANYBODY ELSE LIKE TO EAT HAIR AND IS ITA GOOD SOURCE OF FIBER??? ALSO WHY IS CHOCOLATE BROWN. I DONT LIKE BROWN AND I THINK IT SHOULD BE DIED BLUE BECAUESE THERE ARE NOT ENOUGHT BLUE FOOD. THIS IS WHAT I THINK. THANK YOU.
And in a different, yet no less disturbing, vein:
Why is it legal to kill and eat a sheep, but not to love it?
Life is just a bowl of cherries
Colour me fluffy
when a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?
Not all men are selfish buggers. Like when my girlfriend cooks me dinner, I notice how she pulls her hair back to keep it from sticking to the sweat on her brow. I notice the shape of her lovely buttocks as she bends over to pull a cast-iron skillet out of the cupboard. I notice the rosy hue of her flesh as grease splatters glisten on her forearms. And I appreciate the way she douses herself in perfume so she doesn’t smell like fish on tuna casserole night. Some men might like the smell of tuna, but not me, and I let her know how much I appreciate her efforts by giving her an affectionate slap on the rear and saying, “Way to go, babe.” It pays to show them how sensitive you are.
“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it,” Jack Handy
Look, andros is posting in MSPMPSMIPSMS.
-andros-
Ewww, put you clothes back on Lady, I don’t care what Hugh says.
Uuugh, beer, that stuff is nasty, gives me a headache and makes me pee to much, not to mention all the attachment free sex.
The aliens from Aldebaran have contacted me and given me a message to share with humanity, and the message is this:
I am the one and only alien channel, all aliens, all the time. Spend all your money on MY books and journals and calendars and seminars, not on anybody else’s. Umm, even though of course they’re also following their own Path to the Divine Light (yeah right snort).
Or you can sign up with me to be a Myway distributor.
Or you can just give me all your money right out, and save me the effort of scamming you out of it.
Thanks Konrad for checking the link…look again, can you see me?
<font size=4>Horrors! Our spumoni has been infiltrated by munchkins! We must rush , and warn Kaiser Wilhelm!</font>
Save The Endangered Jackalope! Send Cash Now! If You Do This, I Will Use The Cash To Save Any Jackalope That I Happen To Find! Send Cash Now! Before It’s Too Late! My Bills, I Mean The Jackalope’s Bills Are Due The 15th Of The Month!
This has been a message from the Illuminated Committee To Save The Jackalope. Fnord.
If you ever have a bladder infection, you know urine trouble.
I loooooove sauerkraut. Just like my momma used to make.