Q: Is bonking Donald Trump an acceptable way to join the social elite?
A: One is a world renowned statesman from Texas and the other is POTUS
What’s the difference between Sharlene Spiteri and George W. Bush Jr.?
A: Chocolate-covered graham crackers.
Q; What’s an indecipherable anagram ?
A: Seaman Stains and the cabin boy.
Q: What two things are often associated with a rape investigation?
A: Stomp on it until it stops moving.
Q: How do you make Polish sushi?
A: “Walls have ears.”
Q: What did the paranoid guy say when he was trying to be an informant?
A: A math textbook.
Q: And what did your mother punish you with as a child?
A: No, she only gave me crabs.
Q. What was the customer’s complaint at the seafood restaurant?
A. A couple bottles of K
Q: Ok, buddy, here’s those ‘E’ pills you wanted. Anything else?
A: 9W
Q: “I’ll pick you up at 8. What apartment are you in?”
A: In the bedroom, with a candlestick.
Q: Where will you be when I come to pick you up?
A: A twist of lime.
Q: What else would you like in your club soda, besides this chloral hydrate?
A: Chocolate, and lots of it.
Q: What really killed off the dinosaurs?
A: Because it feels so GOOD!
Q: Why does a dog lick his nuts?
a: New Jersey
Q: What did the football player get for his birthday?
A: Two – one to change the bulb, and one to fill the hot tub with chocolate pudding.
Q: How many Dopers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven yesterday, 2 more today.
Q: How many orgasms did you have?
A: At 7:00 tonight.
Nuts 
Q. What time did my bankrupt business burn down?
A. The US Congress
Q: What is the opposite of US Progress.
A: They were flying too damn close!