It’s ** YoudNeverGuess ** ma…womm… Person
also known as androgynous person,
Has the ability to use the ladies… or gents bathrooms with ease… no waiting in lines nessesary.
No one will question their sex, because YoudNeverGuess.
their weakness is skinny dipping. As they lose their secret identity.
I don’t know, man :rolleyes:… I don’t know. You HAVE to write mine again, I guess… as punishment and you gotta make me cooler than cool. 500 words max, in essay form, with all the requirements of the OP.
It’s merge…
The uncanny ability to combine any two objects/persons/entities together! Matter and anti-matter can co-habitate peacefully! Stars collide, universes combine!!
We can all just get along!!!
Costume is a set of psychedelic purple tights with two combining atoms as an emblem on the chest, with a red cape and red boots.
Weakness: Duro SuperGlue dissolver.
Enemies: duPont Corporation
DirkGntly, the world most powerful (yet gentle) superhero!
No earth-shattering blows to the solar plexus from this guy. Dirk has the power of making the crooks think they have suffered a barrage of punches and kung fu kicks, only to find after the cops arrest them that they haven’t. No ambulances or stops at the hospital for the bad guys, they go straight to jail when Dirk lives up to his name and gently pushes them around!
Costume is standard superhero tights, with an emblem showing a feather. Dirk’s weakness is the elusive vowel E (he’ll run from it lest it invade his name), and he dreads visits from Miss Grizelda, the Second-Grade Spelling Teacher from Hell.
Describe the poster before you as if he/she was a Superhero!
Describe his/her powers.
Describe his/her weaknesses.
Describe his/her costume (optional).
Describe his/her enemies.
From the planet Silverwaria comes the odd and often laughed-at superhero… Spoons!
Spoons is able to turn any utensil into… A SPOON! Spoons wields any sort of spoon and use it as a deadly weapon. Spoons is able to summon his/her entourage of super utensil fighters whenever s/he puts their coveted family spoon on their nose.
Spoons weakness is chili and his greatest foe, Chili Cooker Man exploits this weakness whenever possible. Fortunately for Spoons, they always manage to escape CCM’s evil plan of the week ™.
Spoons wears a giant spoon costume complete with utility belt. Spoons can be seen driving around in the Sporkmobile with his/her long-time friend and devoted sidekick, Forks.
Kasuo!!
By day, mild mannered sushi chef, but when trouble rears it’s head… KASUO STRIKES!!
Granted, Kasup is still a sushi chef, just a superhero sushi chef or something. Like with a gigantic manga-like santuku knife and tossing octopusses like throwing stars, which sucker themselves onto to their bad guy’s faces, leaving little round hickies on them which make them look like they had been sticking a turkey baster onto their faces while screaming at ‘The Price is Right’.
Kasuo’s enemies? The Salmonella Gang and the sexy villainess Yellowtail.
Kasuo’s only weakness? The dreaded RED WASABI which drains his/her powers.
Inky, keeper of the deep. . .
By day he provides valuable resources to the Bic pen division, but by night, he secretly works for the United States Navy, camouflaging sumarines in spots like North Korea and Iraq. Without his help, people would peer down and see a huge, looming mass and call it in. . .
Inky, protector of the subsurface Navy.
Tripler
For me: No, I don’t do math.
Inky-ale to write long essays in a single study hall and leap tall squids in a single bound!
He has an unlimited supply of -you guessed it- ink!!
He squirts ink at enemies like the young but horribly corrupt Eraser Boy and the beautiful but somewhat generic Correction Fluid.
HIs costume is white with black and blue splotches. Actually, those are there by accident. But don’t tell anyone!
His weakness? Those dreaded Ink Erasers that are popping up all over the place. AGHH!!!
Tripler, poisons your soul with that annoying “triple shot” that movie makers use to emphasize something, usually an explosion or the deciding blow in a battle.
He wears all black, turtlenecks and a beret. He smokes using one of those long holders and sniffs at those who doubt his genius.
His arch enemy is Steven Spielberg, who was recently betrayed by George Lucas (in issue 74b) and Quentin Tarantino, who everyone knew was a traitor from the beginning.
(please excuse any gender mistakes)
FilmGeek asks for trivia from obscure films to confuse his enemies. While they’re trying to come up with the director’s name for Bringing Up Baby, he binds them with 35mm film strips of old home movies that shoot from hidden pouches in his wrists.
His nemesis and arch enemy is Ilsa_Lund and he may be severely weakened by being exposed to David Lynch films.
His costume is a sweatsuit emblazoned with an exploded popcorn kernal and his utility belt contains Jujubes, Junior Mints and Walnettos.
With a whoosh of slightly fart-laden air, and a whiff of popcorn, FILMGEEK flies to the rescue of all who are pinned to the sticky floors of the theatres! He/she has the unique ability to remove the odious conglomeration from the helpless patron’s shoes while simultaneously explaing to them the plot holes in the inane film that they are viewing.
FILMGEEK can only be defeated by a Keanu Reeves movie, which is so foul, that he/she falls into a deep stupor.
FILMGEEK can be recognized by the coke-bottle glasses and obscure japanese indie-rock t-shirt.
DEAGAN THE WOLF, able to transform into a beast of the night by pulling his leopard-print PC cover around him like a cloak… whereupon, his snout lengthens, his ears elongate, he grows fangs, and claws… and prehensile toes, the better for rapid posting and the occasional flame war.
Although DEAGAN in wolf form resembles a wolf (well… kind of. Kind of like a sort of wolf wrapped in a vinlyette leopart-print PC cover thingy, with fangs and claws and glowing red LED eyes, to be perfectly honest) he retains his hyperactive Doper intelligence, and is made all the more dangerous for his heightened intellect, assorted sharp stuff growing out of his body, and more or less continuous connection to the Internet. DEAGAN always knows where his NASDAQ is, among many, many other things.
DEAGAN is not without weaknesses, though, most notably overheating, the Blue Screen Of Death, misinformation, and his utter inability to tell cane sugar from corn syrup – a failure that has, more than once, nearly cost him his life.
DEAGAN has, in his crimefighting career made many enemies, the most noteworthy of which are the Legion of Bizarro Evil Muppets, the rejects from the Jim Henson labs who banded together to seek revenge and destroy all that is cute and funny in the world…
Since she got skipped amid the rash of simulposts…
BellaDellaItalia has a wide assortment of powers, including (but not limited to) the ability to whip up a seven-course Tuscan meal at a moment’s notice and the knack for translating any literary work from another language into Italian. Her flashing eyes, black hair, and olive skin announce that she is a daughter of Roma, and granddaughter of Napoli, Venezia, Firenze, and many other storied cities.
When she’s fighting crime, BellaDellaItalia wears a cape reminiscent of the green/white/red Italian flag. In her “down time”, she’s a vision in various combinations of Armani, Gucci, Versace, and other Italian designers.
BellaDellaItalia is opposed by such foes as The Stereotyper, who uses slur and innuendo in his attempts to convince people that **BDI[/b} is actually a Mafiosa instead of the righteous defender of Italian culture she actually is. Her weaknesses, alas, are legion: calzones, gelato, chianti…
History:
His parents noticed from a very early age that Wang-Ka was an extremely inquisitive young boy. Like many teenage boys, Wang-Ka has a fascination with all things scientific, particularly ‘biology’, and he collected extensive research materials and publications on issues as wide-ranging as sexual reproduction, the human female form and sexual reproduction. Being exceedingly studious, Wang-Ka would often lock himself in his room studying for hours at a time. His parents, at the urging of neighbors, friends and their local priest, decided that it would be healthy for Wang-Ka to get out more and they shipped him off to Tibet to study under the instruction of Buddhist monks. It is here where he spend his later teenage years.
Like a sponge, or a crusty old rag hid under the bed, Wang-Ka absorbed (most of) the teachings of his Buddhist masters and eventually returned to his native homeland a Master in his own right.
Powers:
Master Wang-Ka has an overdeveloped right hand and forearm which give him near supernatural strength. Wang-Ka’s frontal torso is protected by a thick layer of crusty exoskeleton. He also has X-ray imagination which is extremely useful every now and then and has helped him come through in difficult circumstances.
Costume:
Wang-Ka is cleanly shaved (his head), with wooden prayer beads and a big orange bedsheet wrapped around him Kathina style. He wears Adidas sneakers.
Arch Enemies:
Under the cover of darkness Wang-Ka has no equal. However, in the harsh reality of daylight, Wang-Ka is susceptible to his nemesis Femnazi, and to thoughts of his long dead grandparents looking down upon him. His powers diminish in the presence of Margaret Thatcher.
Personality:
Like many superheroes, Wang-Ka has issues. He is haunted by the memory of his parents’ death (he walked in on them just as they died of simultaneous autoerotic asphyxiation), the very though of which leaves him completely unable to function. Wang-ka is very much a loner.
In dead of night, where evil dwells
A hero stands, to give them them hell.
The Cankerist.
And evildoers, North to South
Fear the pustules in the mouth.
The Cankerist.
To strike the lowest of the Earth’s scum
With ulcers in the mouth and gums.
The Cankerist.
In dens of vice, our hero waits,
To strike with bumps that ulcerate.
The Cankerist.
A costume red around the sides
A yellow center, bulging wide.
The Cankerist.
And evil plants and evil trees
They also fear the dread disease.
The Cankerist.
With power fierce to agonize
When a person’s lymphocytes (a type of white blood cell) attack the presence of chemical molecules they don’t recognize.
The Cankerist.
Strike like avenging vultures
With recurrent minor aphthous ulcers.
The Cankerist.
The only thing the Cankerist fears
Is waiting ten days till the condition clears.
The Cankerist.
You left our her La Dolche style white-framed sunglasses & cigarette holder al la Lolabridgida. 
SanguineSpider:
Powers
Sanguine has the earlier described morphing power, she is able to morph between SanguineSpider and Nines Times Nymph. SanguineSpider has the amazing powers of a spider; including limb regeneration and the ability to spin webs and two extra limbs she also has the power of infectious optimism making her enemies think they can actually fight her and win! Sanguine’s excellent blood circulation allows her super speed and strength and she never gets out of breath… Think spiderman but female and so good looking it hurts. Nines Times Nymph is the divine deity of love and sex. A nymphomaniac NTN spent much of her youth learning the amazing power of sex-ninjitsu which means she can defeat anyone with a simple flick of her nine tongues, she can also tie people up using her tongues and use them as a lash (much like the cat o’ nine tails). NTN can metamorphose into nine different clones at once allowing her to team up and defeat anyone who dares try to attack.
Weaknesses
SanguineSpider’s only single weakness is her affinity for all things blood coloured to which she is undeniably attracted, so anyone wearing red is unlikely to incur her wrath.
Nines Times Nymph is weak to those who know the counter art of sex-ninjitsu which is tantra anyone who can use tantra to resist all of NTN’s powers however only tantra masters of the highest order can survive the nintuple teaming of the NTNs working together. Also NTN and Sanguine are always arguing over who is the better and who deserves the credit which can lead to some unfortunate situations.
Costumes
SanguineSpider is dressed in a blood red leather catsuit (with extra holes for her extra arms) and mask, she has streaming black locks of hair and her face is so beautiful that when she removes her mask all around her are stunned for a short time, she also wears shoes which have 6 inch stilleto heels (always help with those high kicks).
Nines Times Nymph is dressed in your typical faerie clothing except her hair is long and streams behind her back constantly (wind or no), her clothing is made of a magic thread which can morph into nine times as many sets of clothing. NTN has faerie shoes which can also increase in numbers and give her the added power of super speed.
Enemies
SanguineSpider has many enemies however al but one of them are too insignificant to ignore
The one worthy foe?
Herself
415 words is that ok?
So then – my super power is to turn invisible on threads?
Deep in the bowels of Old Country Buffet, our hero works feverishly to create a new taste sensation. Suddenly, a bolt of lighting hits the stove, there’s a tremendous explosion and
**Satisfying Andy Licious ** is born!
Endowed with the power to make anything, and I mean anything, taste incredible!
Liver tastes like filet mignon, cough syrup like Coca Cola, even brussel sprouts can taste like the finest chocolate.
As the Evil Crime Dudes try to escape from their daring bank robbery, **Satisfying Andy Licious ** appears and make the air itself taste like Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chunk. As the gang try to gorge themselves, the police are able to sneak up on them and arrest them.
Thus the day is saved by the one and only **Satisfying Andy Licious ** !
Satisfying Andy Licious:
By day, professional Andy Gibb lookalike. By night, battles the evil Dr Adkins and his swarm of super-skinny mutant freaks by shooting Haagen-Daaz from specially-made nozzles in his costume.