Bandwagon sports fans and J-Crew clad protestants everywhere, hide your letter jacket under your pottery barn sofa, dump that mochaccino, stash your chocolate lab in the back room at the local Starbucks-
-it is-
Freak Unique!
So frightfully original and progressive in all things that he/she causes conformists to wink out of existance merely at the sight of his/her complicated and edgy superhero costume!
Able to bring out the most embarrassing character flaws & personality defects of anyone and multiply them a hundredfold - it’s Freakunique! Most famous for his ongoing assault on George W. Bush. Don’t piss him off or we’ll all be laughing at YOU, too!
Using his impenetrable disguise as a large social insect, attrayant strikes fear into the hearts of picnicking evildoers everywhere by making off with their tray of condiments.
I think FreakUnique now officially has more superpowers than anyone else on this board. 
Except for Cecil of course.
yes, a quadruple simu-post. never seen that before…
anyway…
Bumbazine, with his/her mystical powers of bees and magazines, fights the…
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ok, that is just a stupid idea right there. someone else can take him/her!
So by my count, Jester, stolichnaya, and Bumbazine are still open.
Weilding a fearsome clip-fed umbrella launcher, Bumbazine strikes fear into the hearts of evil raincoat manufacturers everywhere…
(umbrella=bumbershoot and clip=magazine, for those trying to follow this at home)
Colder than a Siberian winter night, more terrible than a sloe gin fizz, stolichnaya stalks evildoers and reduces them to slurred, stumbling shadows of their former selves…
Raised secretly in the tradition of royal advisers of old, Jester cloaks wisdom in satire and mockery, hidden behind greasepaint. His weapons are finely honed insults, tempered by his empathic awareness of his foes’ weaknesses, shattering their psyches and leaving them to build new lives from the shards as best they can…
Balance: As a young teenager, Balance honed his pecular talents playing true neural druids in Dungeons and Dragons. Now, armed with an endless supply of bannana peels, he stalks the streets, making sure there are an equal number of cops AND robbers, for all things must be in…well, YOU know.
Truer than you know, my good aquatic citrus.
Once an ordinary, mild-mannered nudibranch, Sealemon88 was selected by a mad scientist for mutagen research. Enhanced with such super-nudibranch powers as breathing air, walking, and spitting poison (rather than just exuding it), the nascent hero turned upon his creator, ending his efforts to defile the sea. Now Sealemon88 works tirelessly to stop would-be polluters of the ocean.
Aha! The variant spelling of my name makes a (very cool) appearance! I wonder if I can do the same, muh hahahahaha…
Once a male nurse who specialized in barium enimas, Balance now fights crime like a shiny, silver Spear Of Justice…impaling evil doers in his own unique way (He’s currently the only superhero in the free world with an N17 rating).
Sealemon88: able to silence Teeming Millions for an entire weekend simply by looping thread! Bellows “cheesy” like it’s a GOOD thing! Meets my company’s new password protocol with a single bizarre username!
Action figure available soon!
Borborygmi, Able to stun adversaries with tremendous gut rumbling sub-sonics.
Also able to sterilise frogs at 200 paces.
Uh, Monty I’d like to trade my superpowers for whatever’s behind curtain #3.
Well, then, howzabout…
Attrayant, the superhero with the power to draw adoring crowds at a moment’s notice! Got a dead party? Call Attrayant, and before long you’ll have enough people to justify a riot squad! Problems with the riot squad? Just let him draw them away. Available for bar mitzvahs, parades, political functions, and even the occasional funeral.
Well, it’s the best I could do on short notice.
Trucido! The one person Army! Makes Judge Dredd look like a nancy girl! Combine John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Mel Gibson, Harvey Keitel, Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damm, Jackie Chan and Jet Li, and throw in a few nuclear warheads, and you still don’t equal the lethality of…
The Mighty Trucido!
ExTank: Evildoers beware! They may not know of this development, but ExTank is no longer merely a Tank!
Once an ordinary Main Battle Tank, prowling the quiet streets of San Diego, CA… ExTank was suddenly bitten by a radioactive tick! ExTank began to notice he was somehow different from the other tanks! Rendered Nigh-Invulnerable by the unpredictable effects of gamma-irradiated insects, he has also turned entirely blue and grown some neat-looking antennae. Trained by the ninja-masters of shadowy Japan, with an adamantium skeleton implanted, and powered by Earth’s yellow sun, ExTank seeks revenge for the murder of his parents at the hands of a mugger when he was at a tender young age. ExTank is easily the equal of 5 or 6 common brand-name superheroes who have eerily similar origins (and their own comic books), but who don’t share the ultimate equalizer: 120mm depleted-uranium armament!
Remember, kids, when his action figure comes out: Batteries and ammunition not included.
wevets! The royal master of confirming every vote taken in the world simultaneously, and over-ruling any of them at a whim!
Because royal privilege always trumps democracy, dontcha know.
One fateful day, a humble barber of the old school, known by his clientele as Barberian was letting the blood of a nuclear scientist. That scientist had not been following proper safety precautions, and had been kicked out of the top secret military research facility because his co-workers were getting supremely annoyed with him wearing out every geiger counter near him. The barber noted that the blood dripping from the open vein was glowing a strange shade of green, which–being well informed of the usual color of blood–he found slightly odd.
Fate intervened, and a passing comet knocked the earth over on its axis! The continents rose and fell, mile-high tidal waves battered and instantly reshaped millions of years of coastal evolution, the ancient powers of magic rose again! The pail of collected radioactive blood tipped over violently, deluging the fey barber, knocking the e 180 degrees into an a, giving him superhuman strength. He clawed his way out of the rubble, and looked long upon the wreckage of Old Earth, and knew that times of sorcery and chaos were upon the land. “Lords of Light!” the now Barbarian exclaimed, and leapt onto a nearby mutated horse-thing, brandishing his fabulous Sun-Scissors dramatically. “Me! I ride!” he shouted, and rode off, reflecting that he could use some companions. A sorceress perhaps, and if he could find one, a Mok.
Drastic: The insane superhero! Always does the most drastic thing in any situation. Sent to Arkham after seriously suggesting that we use nuclear bombs to defeat Dr. Dread.