Being an Account of the Mischief of Sinister Spirits
Or: Why I’d Like to Kick That Bastard Loki in the Balls
Last weekend a friend dropped his desktop computer off to be repaired.  It was exhibiting extreme stability and was unable to boot.  Its BIOS was all wonky and it crashed at inopportune times – assuming it was able to get anywhere at all.  So, I had a look at it.  The CMOS was indeed flaky, and probably needed a new battery, but more problematic were the random host of other problems that turned up.  I couldn’t install Windows because it would crash randomly, have trouble finding files on the CD that were, in fact, right there – right there you stupid pile of circuits! – on the CD.  Sometimes it couldn’t find the hard drive.  It kept thinking it had more RAM than it really did, and kept adjusting memory to compensate.  All in all, it was a mess.  A right bloody mess.  I figured it was pooched, the whole damn thing.  Still, I’ll pick up a CR2032 battery and see what happens.  I didn’t plan on doing that for a few days, though.
From that point, my tale of woe surrounding my computer equipment has been chronicled here well enough that I needn’t repeat it, but suffice it to say my computer began to exhibit all sorts of random, bizarre behaviours, like not finding the hard drives, not being able to access BIOS, not being able to remember its BIOS settings when it could, and so on.  I’m thinking, well, the CMOS seems like it’s pooched, so maybe – just maybe the CMOS battery on my board is dead, too.  It seems unlikely – as I mentioned, those things should last 4-5 years or more.  The computer I’m repairing for a friend is at least that old, so his dead battery is perfectly understandable, but mine?  The board is exactly 1 year and 8 months old.  It shouldn’t be dead.
Still, on my way home from work tonight I picked up a 3-pack of CR2032 batteries.  Got home, popped my old battery out and put the new one in, booted up, plugged in all the proper CMOS settings, and rebooted.  And I’m back.  System boots up just fine, no problems at all!  All because of a stupid freakin’ little battery!  I mean, once upon a time computers would self-diagnose problems like that, warning you of low battery voltage, allowing you time to go and buy a new battery to replace the failing one.  Seems like that doesn’t happen anymore.  They just go freakin’ psycho as their way of telling you to replace the battery.
So now I’m having another go at repairing my friend’s computer.  Unfortunately, as I typed this, it bluescreened while installing Windows, so his problems seem to run deeper.  (But at least I fixed his BIOS errors…)
Still, it was like his computer, in a fit of Munchausen by Proxy, decided it would give my computer its problems.  Or Loki just thought it would be really, really funny.
Hey.  Loki.  Come here.
I have something for you.
No, down there.
Further down.
Look closely.
Closer.
Clooooooser.
::PUNT::