Holy shit, we have a winner.
This isn’t really a comeback, just a horrible line that was setup for me.
When I was in college our fraternity did a lot of community service things. For one event we took our faculty advisor’s son’s cubscout (or something) group swimming at the Y. So there’s about 15 college men walking down the hall with about the same number of ~4 year old boys. As it tends to happen in this day and age, some people were giving us suspicious looks. On of my fraternity brothers mentions this to me under his breath. I whisper back “I know. I might be a pedophile, but I’m no fag!”
Can you go to hell for developing a habit of reading Matthew 6 to street corner evangelists?
I got on a bus today, and the spirit of this thread was flowing through me. In the seat ahead of me was a page that some evangelist had left for all to see. I wrote on it, “God says, ‘Don’t litter!’” and left it there. 
I then picked up the other copy fron the middle of the bus floor, where someone such as, oh, I dunno, Sunspace taking his portable computer over to a client’s to do some webpage updating perhaps, could possibly slip on it and fall. The second copy went into the recycle bin at the subway station.