From the boy scouts episode (I think):
(After feeling around under the couch, looking for a peanut)
Homer: (disappointed) Twenty dollars? Aw, I wanted a peanut!
Homer’s brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer’s brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo hoo!
Milhouse, on falling in love: “It was just like Romeo and Juliet, only it ended in tragedy.”
Marge: “Do you want your son to become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?”
Homer: “Can’t he be both, like the late Earl Warren?”
Marge “Earl Warren wasn’t a stripper!”
Homer "Now who’s being naïve?
The best is his brain’s admiring response. “Heh heh…I would’ve never thought of that.”
One of my favorite sequences is the Maggie flashback where everyone in town knows Marge is pregnant except Homer, and he keeps misinterpreting their congratulations.
Helen: I just heard the news, congratulations!
Homer: (Hmm, she must be talking about my new job.) Thank you!
Apu: Oh Homer I just heard about the little bundle of joy!
Homer: It’s true! The bundle is little, but I’m not in it for the money!
Moe: Hey Homer, way to get Marge pregnant!
Homer: This is getting abstract, but thank you Moe, I do enjoy my new job at the bowling alley.
Homer gets home to Marge’s surprise baby shower
Homer: Hmm…it seems you’re all showering Marge with gifts…little tiny baby sized gifts…well, I’m gonna go take a shower.
Maude: Oh by the way Homer, congratulations on your new job.
Homer: …Marge is pregnant?! Auuuggghh!
“Hello, my name is Mr. Snrub. And I come from, uh… someplace far away. (Yes, that’ll do.) Anyway, I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.”
“I like how Snrub thinks!”
Marge: Homer, there’s a man here who thinks he can help you.
Homer: Batman?
Marge: No, he’s a scientist.
Homer: Batman’s a scientist.
Marge: It’s NOT Batman.
“I was saying Boo-urns.”
Homer: (GASP) That man looks just like me! That dog has a fluffy tail! hehehehe fluffy tail hehehe
*“I am the Lizard Queen!”*From Selma’s Choice
Also
“Hello lamppost, whatcha knowin’? I’ve come to watch your power flowing.”
From Who Shot Mr. Burns
Selma: How do you do it, Homer?
Homer: You take an ordinary bedsheet, fold it around like th–
“If I could just say a few words… I’d be a better public speaker.”
More Troy McClure:
“…You may remember me from such educational films as Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun and Firecrackers:The Silent Killer…”
“Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. ‘Bart is a vampire.’ ‘Beer kills brain cells.’ Now let’s all go back to that… building… thingy… where our beds and TV… is.”
Eat my shorts!
Lisa: But dad, don’t you see that you’re abusing your power like all vigilantes? I mean, if you’re the police, then who will police the police?
Homer: I dunno…Coastguard?
Homer: Beer! Now there’s a temporary solution!
Homer: Just once I’d like someone to call me ‘Sir’ without adding ‘You’re making a scene.’
And my personal favourite:
Duffman (on breaking a promise): DUFFMAN says a lotta things!
Rock with note flies through window
Homer: AH! A rock! call a geologist!
Willy: Nooo! My Retirement grease!
Burns, to Homer and Smithers near crashed plane: Sorry Boys, that fog was so thick I could hardly see my own cataracts.
Marge: Homer I’m going to the store do you need anything?
Homer: Steak
Marge: Money is kinda tight, we cant afford steak.
Homer: Steak
Marge: OK I’ll get steak.
Homer: A gun is not a weapon! It’s a tool, like a butcher’s knife, or a harpoon, or an alligator.
Marge: Why do you have so many bowling balls, Homer?
Homer: I’m not gonna lie to you, Marge. See ya soon!
Homer: Ohhh! Why do things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?
Smithers: Sir, did you ever stop to think that maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families?
Burns: Perhaps. Tell you what. We come back and everyone’s slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
Marge: What are you doing? Why are you frosting that old throw pillow??
Homer: I could ask you the very same question!
Marge: Mmmmm, should I just back out of the room?
Homer: Would you?
Frank Grimes (mockingly): What’s this? “Extremely High Voltage?” Well, I don’t need safety gloves, because I’m Homer Simp—
Homer: Florida? But that’s America’s wang!
Doctor: They prefer, “The Sunshine State.”
Homer (after numerous misadventures in parallel universes): Hmm. Fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan. Woo hoo! I hit the jackpot. Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?
Marge: Donut? What’s a donut?
Homer: Aaaah!
Homer, trying to be coy about buying fireworks: “Uh, yeah, I’ll take a box of condoms, that porno mag, some pantyliners, that jar of petroleum jelly…and some mumblemumble illegal fireworks”
Later, Marge is looking through the grocery bag: “Homer I dont know what you have planned for this evening but count me out!”
This one isn’t complete without the rest…Homer runs in terror to the basement…just before donuts start falling from the sky.
Marge: Oh, dear, it’s raining again…
Seeing the thread about Dick Tracy made think of young Ned Flanders
D’oh! :smack:
My favorite:
Kids, let me tell you about another so-called "wicked’’ guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas, and he didn’t always do what other people thought was right. And that man’s name was… I forget. But the point is… I forget that, too. Marge, you know what guy I’m talking about. He used to drive that blue car?
We’ve searched this airbase from top to bottom, and all we’ve found is porno, porno, porno!
Marge: The kids are getting lazy!
Bart: I’m not lazy, I’m, hey. . . Lisa finish my sentence for me.
Lisa: Finish your own darn. . .zzzzz