Can we separate out the nookie aspect? Would it be just as bad if, say, the OP had cancelled a weekend with his son to sit by the bedside of a dying friend? To donate bone marrow to a cancer-stricken child? To attend a one-in-a-lifetime job interview?
I mean, if the son’s feelings really do come before everything else, it shouldn’t matter why the OP cancelled, should it?
I think this comes from Joss Whedon. Angel season 3 for example. Lots of Whedon fans on this board.
::golf clap::
I’m sorry you had to miss a weekend with your son Shakes.
A long time ago, a friend I respect very much told me something I will tell my children.
“I might take a girl from the bar home, but one has never met my parents.”
This led to a lot of conversations about how the people you meet at the bar are great to have a good time with, but not good relationship material. I changed this for men, and it worked out well for me. I had a great time, but none of them ever met my daughter, who was with a babysitter some of the time. (You can express your shock, I don’t care, my kids mean a lot to me, but I’m defined by much more than my children.)
I don’t have anything more to add to this thread that I haven’t already said.
I’m posting because some of you were wonderig why I had to scrap the whole weekend for an overnighter at best.
That was his Mom’s idea. She decided she wanted to spend some time with him and told me to just go ahead and pick him up next weekend.
I had faith in ya, SHAKES.
Well, FWIW, that’s a sucky experience you described, and I hope things go better next time.
Also, as the former kid of a dad who dated a lot, I certainly don’t begrudge you one weekend night with a girl, and I bet your son wouldn’t either.
Do something really fun with him this weekend, though. I wish to keep playing vicarious laser tag through Doper kids.
I’m sure I could also come up with creative yet plausible scenarios making it impossible for someone to be able to have a kid at home and also go out on a date. So then what do you do if you have a kid living with you?
The thing is, having custody of your kid for the week-end should mean that your kid is living with you for the week-end - he’s living part-time with you, and you are responsible for him for the days he is living with you. Having custody of your child for the week-end should not mean “he can come and hang out with me if I have nothing better to do.”
[eta]By the way, this is not discussing the OP’s situation in particular, but the issue in general. Now the poster seems to be saying, if I understand it correctly, that it was his wife’s idea to cancel the week-end visit, not his. Of course if he has a free week-end he can do whatever he wants.
Just a question–not sure this has been answered but how old is SHAKES’s kid?
I don’t think he has ever said specifically, just that he has been a parent for seven years. I don’t remember any references to older kids, so I am guessing his son is seven.
I’ve got your back, Shakes. You sound like a normal guy going through standard dating hassles and blowing off some steam. Every dating thread has the “you should have wrestled her bra off with your teeth while riding an armored bear” posts that call you a pussy for whatever reason. Just shrug 'em off.
Look, going on a date Saturday isn’t going to permanently cripple your child’s development. He’s going to grow up and live his own life, and when that happens, you need someone to live yours with, too. Make sure he understands that he is priority number one and everything will be kosher.
'Cause he’s a man! Sisters, amiright?
SHAKES, I don’t think you did any bad thing here, either. I too don’t think that a parent’s world should absolutely, completely revolve around their children. That’s a recipe for disaster, for the parents and the child. You know how important your son is to you; I don’t see how not having him for a weekend is going to damage him permanently.
Plus, I think dating people you meet in bars after a certain age is risky, too. You need to meet a better class of people, like maybe with online dating. 
Oh good flipping grief. We sure as hell didn’t put our kids first all the time. They went to their grandparents sometimes, so we’d have some time alone. They even stayed with our just graduated nanny student when we went on a cruise. Adults need some time also. We got two good kids grown, and stayed happily married too.
When I was a kld I went to my grandparents with no ill effects.
The Modern Love column in the Times style section yesterday was by a woman who loved her daughter so much that she basically pushed any man who was interested in dating her (the mother) out the door until well into the teen years. That’s an example of someone putting the kid first, and I thought it was sick.
Lots of fathers see their kids only every other week. One weekend off wasn’t going to hurt anything, even at the last minute. If things had worked out, he might have been happier the next weekend.
IMO, you’re a damn good father - at least from the evidence here.
I’ve got a question - what are you looking for? Clearly not just nookie. What would have happened if you told her that you were getting hungry, and did she want to come to dinner after all? How about, when she made the crack about her ex-bf, saying something macho like :we can see if I can change that."?
My great experience is from years of my wife, after saying X, telling me she wanted me to tell her Y which is what she really wanted.
I forgot in my last post to also give SHAKES credit for keeping his relationship with the little guy’s mother civil and even apparently friendly. Good for you!
You misunderstood, or I phrased it wrong, or whatever. I didn’t mean every minute of every day is devoted to them. It absolutely is not. I just meant that their wellbeing had to be considered no matter what my action is.
The Modern Love column - that’s not love. That’s pathological.
That’s exactly what I did. Single father here. I didn’t date AT ALL for 11 years.
Only now that my daughter’s at the age where she wants friends more than her father do I find the time to have a girlfriend.
But that was just how I prioritized my life. YMMV.
Fuck it, if he was a real man he coulda wrestled the bra off of an armoured bear! 
Even more impressive is if it was an enamored bear!!