Attractiveness is a completely subject standard. Different from beauty, which is also completely subjective.
My first, while not conventionally beautiful, was very attractive to me. The best sex I ever had was with women who were attractive but not conventionally beautiful. Just something about them rung my bell.
All in all, I kinda prefer it that way.
Attractiveness is funny. Any woman who wears either sun tan lotion, lavender soap or any of three fairly popular perfumes instantly becomes attractive to me.
How does one find out what those things are? I’ve been wondering for many years. By and large, nobody wants to date me. I’ve never been shy. I ask, and they either ignore me, or say no.
To answer the OP, if you count heavy petting, my first experience was at 20, with an absolutely beautiful partner. My hands shook, a phenomenon I would not feel again for a decade. I’ve been friends with this person for most of the intervening years, and now, not only are they single again, but I will be staying with them for a couple of days at the end of this week. I’ve been advised that I will regret it forever if I don’t make it plain just how much I love this person, but I’m terrified of jeopardizing our friendship.
If you only count PIV intercourse, that was at 28. My partner was quite gorgeous as well, but this was a one-night stand. I jumped at the chance, inasmuch as I hadn’t had as much as a kiss in two years by then.
How does ignoring you work? Do you look women in the eye, ask them out on a date, and literally get no response? That sounds very unusual and would hint at an equally unusual problem. Do you approach women on the street you don’t even know, for example?
How many women have you dated in the past 5 years? How many have you asked out on dates and been rejected or ignored?
Ignoring somebody online is pretty much the default. In person, it more often takes the form of giving evasive, non-committal answers, or then not answering the phone or returning any forms of communication, hoping that I will get the hint and go away. No, I’m not approaching anyone I don’t already know. On the contrary, I’m a little baffled as to how people do that sort of thing based solely on looks and other superficial things!
Define “dated.” As for the latter, I will do some thinking and get back to you. Some of the former may have become the latter, depending on how we define it. Also, what makes you so sure I’m male? “Lemmy” is usually a male name, but it might not be mine.
It took a while, but I finally came to the realization that I’d rather have sex with women who were fun, funny and smart, than with vapid women who were simply attractive. Their bodies weren’t perfect and they weren’t ‘beautiful’ in the accepted sense, but they were enthusiastic and loving in and out of bed, which makes up for anything else.
Why does it have to be either/or? You and many others in this thread are creating a false dichotomy: Gorgeous but boring in/out of bed, vs. not-so-gorgeous and fabulous in/out of bed.
There are plenty of people who are good-looking, nice, fun, AND good in bed.
Ok, that makes more sense. Incidentally people do that either because (rarely) they think it’s kinder to let you down easily or (more often) because it’s easier for them than rejecting you more decisively.
You described your partners as gorgeous and absolutely beautiful, then mentioned penis in vagina intercourse. It’s possible that beautiful, gorgeous men fuck your vagina with their penises but that seems unlikely to me.
Also I don’t care what definition you use. I was wondering how large of a sample size you have to work with.
Fuzzy Dunlop, here’s the best that I can determine: In the past five years, not counting online-only rejections, seven people have rejected me before we even got to one date, though we had at least talked in other circumstances for varying lengths of time before that. Three others rejected me after between one and three dates, while I would have liked to continue. As many as eight others had insufficient chemistry, and we both seemed to realize that (though that experience varied widely; one of whom was the one-night stand mentioned above!)
And then I had a rather intense few months with the second person to make my hands shake, but for complicated reasons we weren’t technically “dating.” We are close friends still.
In the last five years, I have not had any relationship marked by numerous consecutive dates, and I arguably never have. I’ve been trying to figure out why for a long time.
I had really wanted to avoid prejudicing (however unwittingly) anyone’s answers due to assumed gender roles, but if it will help, I am in fact heterosexual, cisgender, male, and 32.
To the OP’s question: I was eighteen. She was nineteen. She had a vagina that she allowed me access to. Therefore, she was the hottest girl in the world.
Looking back, I’m ashamed of the whole thing. This girl had a lot of dysfunction in her life, and not a lot of fun - she had a chronic disease that she expected to die from within a decade, and a huge surgical scar on her abdomen. She was lonely, and used sex for validation; I don’t think she even particularly enjoyed it. She certainly never had an orgasm when she was with me, although that could very well have been a function of my ineptitude and inexperience.
We had a brief fling, then she dumped me for another freshman, then him for another. Later she left school after one of her hookups posted a screed describing her sexual habits and naming her partners in two or three places around the school. A year or so later, she died in a car wreck.
All in all, a tawdry experience, the moreso as I was committing infidelity when I slept with her. On the other hand, one of her other booty calls became my closest, life-long friend. We’re still in contact twenty-five years on. And I don’t know how many other men experienced their very first orgasm in a vagina.
All this to say, OP, waiting until you’re in your twenties to lose your cherry is not such a bad thing.
My first experience (me 16, she 15) was with a pretty good looking girl. Overall appearance probably average, maybe 15 lbs heavier than the average ideal, but breasts to die for. We never went all the way (I was the holdout, actually) but we did just about everything else. The relationship lasted about six months before she moved; that was probably for the best, since she was not exactly a stable personality.
My second experience was with my wife (though we were not married at the time). She’s not going to rate high on the attractiveness scale, but is good evidence of what some people are saying: that the strong personal connection can make up for that to a large degree. I certainly didn’t (and still don’t) feel like I was settling to have pursued her.
