My first was a nice-looking blonde lady from Minnesota. She was working as a hostess at the Bottoms Up club in Kowloon, across the bay from Hong Kong. I was 18 and in the Navy. Hong Kong was a week-long liberty port two Christmases running. I never did see much of it - we’d hit the shore and I would hit the ferry to cross Victoria Harbour.
hm. Come to think of it, you are both geographically suitable and above the minimum standard of non-hide…WTF? Since when are you a moderator? :eek:
I’m sorry, baby, but I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.
Mine was adorable. Not hot, but cute, in sort of that lost puppy sort of way.
He’s still a friend of ours and now 30 years later he is overweight, not that attractive, married to a lovely woman (and I’m married to a lovely man who is an old friend of his) but once in a while his eyes twinkle and mouth smiles in the way that makes me say “yeah, that was it, that was why you really never had any trouble getting a girlfriend.”
Me, I’m a fan of getting to know people - I suspect your friend isn’t. Some of them you’ll decide may be attractive outside, but really aren’t attractive enough inside for sex (don’t stick your dick in the crazy). Some you may discover are not attractive outside, but grow on you (after all, old people, even older than 36 year olds have sex - and aren’t at all grossed out by it - there is something more at play than just physical beauty). Some become friends, some become lovers, and some become “I wonder what ever happened to that guy I spent the day at the zoo with” or “I went out for pizza in that place 20 years ago…what WAS his name?”
That. But then there’s the risk he’s going to just use her (let her believe he’s into her when in fact he has no intent to stay with this below standard girl). That’s why I asked why he was after exactly. If he lowers his standards just for a good fuck, for instance, no harm, no fool.
I’m not sure why a supermodel wouldn’t be into pancakes and boardgames and a homely girl not into 200 mph life, though.
Are you the Shallow Hal type? Looking to score with Heidi Klum while you look like George Costanza? I’ve know lots of guys like that who are single and looking for way too long because they don’t realize Heidi Klum wants Bradly Cooper or Channing Tatum or whoever the latest stud in Hollywood is.
Anyway, my first sex partner was not someone most women would do a double take at if they walked past him, but he was above average looking.
He was a competitive swimmer, so he had the long slim body, dirty blonde hair, big nose and a bit of a pizza face. But he had no problem getting girls because he was funny, nice and was comfortable in his own skin. Once you got to know him, he became more attractive.
I was just a notch on his bedpost unfortunately, but he was always nice to me throughout high school and even wrote me a couple letters when he went away to college.
Advice…Look in the mirror and rate yourself 1 through 10. No one except Quasimodo is a 1 and no one is a 10. If you can honestly say you’re a 5, than pickup a 6, but no higher than 6.5. And you should try out a 4.5 or a 5. You never know, she might be the best lay ever and grow into a great long term girlfriend.
You’re 23…just get it out of your system.
Do you make friends easily? How about friends of the opposite sex? How many close male and female friends do you have right now?
I honestly never judged a woman on the basis of hotness. Personality was far more important.
The first women I had sex with was attractive, certainly, but “hot” really doesn’t apply. She was a person, not a sex symbol, and other than models and movie stars, there are very few woman I’ve ever met that had that sort of Hollywood sex appeal.
Don’t feel bad, I’m in the same situation you are, and of my own choosing. I rather like being single and the liberty that comes with it. I have no accountability to anyone, and that’s just the way I prefer it.
I’ve met a fair number of people like your friend. I work with a few. A lot of them end up pleading poverty because of child support payments, and regret not being able to do anything fun later on, because they have no money.
My suggestion: Don’t focus on getting laid; focus on living life to its fullest. Travel, get your Master’s degree or Ph.D. (or Bachelors, if you don’t yet have it), become a polyglot, write a novel, paint, sculpt, do all the things you want to do, and that others can’t do because they’re tied down with all the obligations that single people don’t have.
That’s bullshit. We all instinctively judge people based on their appearance. It’s human nature. We’ve evolved to do so. You aren’t above basic humanity.
Rating people on that kind of number scale ignores one really important component of attraction - somebody’s “type.”
Imagine a woman who is the Kim Kardashian type - ultra-groomed at all times, plucked, waxed, and plastic-surgeried to within an inch of her life, with a gym-toned body, sexy trendy clothes and lots of bling. This woman would probably be attracted to men with many of the same traits, and place a high importance on those men’s apparent wealth. Imagine a guy she might think is hot if she saw him at a club. Now, if that guy had an identical twin brother who looked like a schlump, she’d probably rate him a lot lower on the scale.
Similarly, if the ultra-groomed woman had an identical twin sister who was a total hippie type, completely au-naturel, including body hair, the ultra-groomed guy would probably find her pretty unattractive and vice versa. But a hippie-type guy might see her as a dream-girl.
So the OP may indeed be good-looking, but is he lusting after ultra-groomed hotties while wearing wrinkly dockers and a stained polo shirt? I’m being somewhat hyperbolic, but I’m sure you see my point.
Yeah, right.
You may have a different idea of what constitutes attractiveness than most guys, and maybe you do place a higher than average emphasis on personality, but I highly doubt you’d date a woman whom you thought was a real uggo just because she had a really lovely personality.
ETA: Preach it, cousin.
I should qualify my statement upthread that most of my partners have been ridiculously attractive. While this is true, it is also the case that I grew up, and still live, in a part of the world where the average level of feminine beauty is way, way above the world average. Walk down the street around here, and every other girl you pass will be a knockout. I’ve traveled extensively, and never really found anything like it.
And it’s a kind of beauty that isn’t just skin deep, either. If sort of seems to continue past the eyes and all the way to the soul.
Yup. That’s Scandinavian women for you. *And *we’re all sexually liberated around here. So it’s not that I’m such a Don Juan or anything, it just becomes a matter of statistics.
So, yeah, OP: Either lower your standards, or move over here.
No, I don’t make friends easily. I have usually had more female than male friends, and that makes me think of the hypothesis that men like me are perpetually “friend-zoned” because we come across as asexual, though I’m not sure how valid that is. I met a ton of people in graduate school a few years ago, and I really thought I was making a lot of friends. I tried to be outgoing, both then and subsequently, but most people really seemed like they wanted to keep their distance. I came away with a few friends (one, a de facto ex I mentioned earlier, is very close to me) and quite a few acquaintances, but that’s about it.
I suppose I understand why some of this happened. Coming to grad school was like exiting a tunnel of isolation that I had been in for years, and so I had to learn (sometimes through people instructing me) how to interact with others again, i.e. not speaking in paragraphs and/or going on political tirades in class all the time.
I should mention that in the past twelve months or so I have managed to form a full band, recruiting the entire lineup (one member was an acquaintance of mine already), and I am continuously shocked and amazed that all these people want to spend time working with me.
She was smokin’ hot. Everyone thought so. And then, after a few weeks, she brought her (female) friend into the picture. . .
I couldn’t have asked for a better introduction to the whole thing. Kind of tough for the rest of my life to top that, though.
The only problem with that term is that it tries to place the blame on women, for not wanting to date impotent asexuals. As if men are owed girlfriends and sex just for associating socially with women. Most men who whine about being “put” in the friendzone are probably pretty close to correct, except for the part where they don’t accept any responsibility to become a fun, interesting dateable man.
Would you want to date yourself? More importantly though do you think you’re improving? There’s probably not many women who want to date guys who go on political tirades all the time, and they probably date them because they’ve got other great traits not because they love political tirades.
So maybe you weren’t very dateable years ago and maybe you still have work to do. Try not to obsess over your unsuccessful past. It’s a shame you haven’t dated more until now, but you can’t change that. You’ve got a cool band going and people actually want to work with you.
Turning your band connections into good friendships would be really healthy progress, even if they’re men and never lead to meeting a woman. Women are just people, so if you’re not extremely comfortable being with friends you’re going to have a hard time suddenly adding all the extra components that come with a relationship.
He didn’t say that. Where in the sentence you quoted did he put the blame on anybody else? He just said he suspected he was “friendzoned” because of the attitude he was projecting.
Your criticism is gratuitous and unwarranted.
It seems that people aren’t even allowed to say women aren’t interested in them without being attacked for having the audacity of mentioning it.
My first long-time gf (in fact just first gf too) was pretty much into political tirades, and into guys who were into political tirades. In fact, we wouldn’t have met otherwise. Our first meeting took place while organizing some collection is support of Solidarnosc, and when I think about it, this encounter did include political tirades adressed to my fellow students . She probably wouldn’t have dated someone who didn’t deem politics as important. One of her favourite distraction was reading Simone de Beauvoir, Sartre or Bakunin and she was on the radio on the week end to eviscerate the establishment or support the rights of minors. I’m pretty sure she would have found that speaking in paragraphs was a plus too.
There are all kind of women.
This is an awesome response, Fuzzy.
I’d add “They also don’t accept any responsibility to initiate actual romantic and sexual interactions with the women in question and they don’t have the balls to move on when they realize that the object of their affections does not feel the same.”
Nobody can friendzone you without your consent.
I wasn’t criticizing **Lemmytheseal2 **, I was commenting on the term.
It’s a widely used expression all over the Internet and occasionally real life. Some freak recently when on a shooting rampage over being “friend zoned”. Most of the time it’s talked about as if it’s something women do to men and the women are to blame.
Don’t change a thing about yourself, **Lemmytheseal2 **. Just find clairobscur’s ex and date her.
Seriously, **Lemmytheseal2 **, you know your current approach isn’t working. It’s great that you’ve identified something people generally found grating and are trying to tone it down a bit. There’s a big difference between changing who you are as a person and throttling back your natural instincts a little bit when you discover everyone finds them annoying.
That’s a really good point. I’m such a nice guy that most of the women I’ve dated who didn’t want to keep dating me did want to stay friends. I’ve always declined politely because romantic rejection doesn’t seem like a good foundation for a friendship. Then we went on with our lives amicably.
I’ve never understood how anyone gets in a position where they “have” to listen to some woman who rejected them while she laments the lack of good men in her life. Why hang out with someone who rejected you? Move on. There’s plenty of great women out there. Don’t waste your time lusting after somebody you know for sure isn’t interested.
I find it weird because ONLY attractive women like me. There aren’t that many, but the ones that do are always very good looking. I have tried to “lower” my standards but in my limited experience less attractive women have been more work and are more interested in a certain type of guy.
She was quite beautiful, actually. A horrible human being on the inside, but very beautiful. Strikingly so; probably the most beautiful woman I ever had sex with until my fiancee now (and that’s not a political statement, my fiancee is a stunner.) Just a fluke, really. I had lovers in between who were beautiful, some not good looking, some in between. I’ve never been that hung up on looks. It just happens the first and the last were the highlights. Maybe that isn’t a coincidence, I don’t know.